It starts in Peru.
When I was six years old, my older brother took me to the store to buy a music tape of Iron Maiden. When I heard them for the first time, I new I wanted to make music. I also started listening to such bands like Slayer, Megadeth, Ozzy, The Doors, Jimmy Hendrix, Syd Barrett and Pink Floyd just to name a few.
When I arrived to the States at the age of seven, I new that my dream could be real. I started thinking of more possibilities.
As the years passed, I started listening to Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Skinny Puppy, Ministry, Orgy, Depeche Mode, The Talking Heads, etc. My vision of music became a whole new world, a depressing world. I turned to drugs to cope. I hung out with a bad crowd and got in trouble with the police. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but it went on for years.
Then came the anxiety and the phobia of being alive.
In my mind, when I looked at the world through my eyes, there were always faces, smiling, staring, some sad. Eyes appeared through the shadows. And, these shadows always walked by me. Reading a book called Necronomicon and learning the tarot cards set the world on fire for me. After that, more shadows appeared and I remember screaming to God for it to stop.
It didn’t help. More kept on coming.
After that, came the fear of being outside. I couldn’t leave my house. The fear of smiling, and thinking heavenly thoughts scared me. I feared strangers, stares, and happiness. People’s faces were ugly, including the beautiful woman.
The thoughts of all those faces that stared at me were easy to read.
Emotions became stronger and my abnormal thoughts were hitting me hard. Every day, I didn’t know whether I was going to make it alive. I used to think of all these thoughts of God and Jesus. I thought that God wasn’t real and that He was an invented fantasy to overcome stress. I thought the devil was just a picture painted to sit beside God. An opposite that wasn’t real. I used to pray and pray for it to stop: the dreams, the visions and the depression. It overwhelmed me.
I was unable to do a lot of things because of all of this. I couldn’t live a normal life. I tried to create some local bands but they all fell apart due to my problems. I couldn’t speak to the world.
It’s been like this for me since the age of fourteen. Some things are still deep inside of me. I can’t remember them and honestly, I don’t want too. It’s easier to control now, but at times, it’s so strong, but I try.
I’ve been writing poetry, songs and lyrics since the age of eleven. I got a bass guitar the following year, then a guitar. I spent the next two years learning these. Then at sixteen, I got my first drum set. But it wasn’t enough for me. I needed more. At seventeen, I started recording with a double tape deck. You know, mixing tapes around. It’s kind of funny when you think about it. Later that summer, I bought my first keyboard then a synthesizer. In my heart, I felt like I was getting somewhere. Eventually, I bought more keyboards, as well as drum machines.
At twenty-two, I met a strange psychic who told me I was a special being from God. That scared me so much that I had to leave. It just got weirder after that. My palms have been itchy since.
At twenty-three, I recorded my first full-length sounds at this cheap studio. It was a waste of time but at the same time, it wasn’t. I learned by watching how the recording and drum programs were used. After that, I bought my own programs and started recording and making beats for my songs.
Then I stopped as depression set in.
In the summer of my twenty-fourth birthday, I truly devoted my time to recording my songs, but then I stopped again in the winter of 2006. I didn’t know if I was going to be alive to finish it.
I’m twenty-five now. I finished the album. When I look back, I think to myself ‘I made it’. The world has lifted off of me.
My album is about depression, God, numbers, the universe, the unknown, the shadows, the eyes, secret messages, hate and a beautiful woman that influenced it in a big way. This woman once told me that I would never be seen. I think this album is my light in which I will be seen by the world. Hopefully to prove to her that I am seen and that she is nothing now. Everything that was wasted can be gained with time.
The album is titled off white, and the band’s name is endofnumbers.
all instruments and programming by silkky21
Off White-released 2007
Scott's Music Review
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Whats goin on music heads its your favorite music critic Scott here with another addition of scott'...Whats goin on music heads its your favorite music critic Scott
here with another addition of scott's Music Review.. Today we
head East to New Jersey where I find an inspiring musician with a
unique style and sound that captured my attenion..
Endofnumbers comes at you with a deep, and dark sound that brings
you back to the days of NIN and Marilyn Manson was big in the music
scene.. With his music " Silkky " takes you into his world of fear
pain and some of the horror that he had to indure in his life; and
to be quite honest his music personally I feel captures your attention
as soon as you turn it on..
Well sitting here this morning as I listen to EndOfNumbers;
I have to say I'm actually impressed with his style, music and
overall sound.. He brings back a style of music that Manson, Trent
Reznor and other of the Early 90's brought to the front of the music
world with his solo act; and honestly I think that this guy
might be on the right path when it comes to the music world..
and thats my 2 cents..
Interview with MUEN Magazine
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MUEN: HELLO SILKKY21, GLAD WE COULD FINALLY GET THIS INTERVIEW UNDERWAY, YOU DEFINITELY HAVE SOME FA...MUEN: HELLO SILKKY21, GLAD WE COULD FINALLY GET THIS INTERVIEW UNDERWAY, YOU DEFINITELY HAVE SOME FANS OUT THERE, SOME OF WHICH ARE OUR FRIENDS, SO WE WANTED TO GET YOU OUT SOME QUESTIONS SOON AS POSSIBLE, FIRST OF ALL, WHEN DID YOU FIRST START RECORDING AS A SOLO PROJECT, AND WHAT WERE THE OTHER BANDS YOU WERE IN BEFORE?
ENDOFNUMBERS: I started recording my solo project in 2005, and I had bought a small 4 track and did about 30 demos on it then I had stopped due to depression issues. In 2006 I got back on it and I recorded 10 demo songs, but I had stopped again due to the same reasons as before. In the summer of 2006 I got back on it and I had run into a friend that gave me a recording program, so that's when I truly started the production of the Off White album and it ended a few months after the summer do to again depression. In 2007 I finished the album in late MayBefore all this, I was in 2 bands.. one was "Atrocity," but we found out that a band in Europe already had that name - and then the band broke up because of lack of interest between the members. The second band was named "Unholy Wisdom," but it didn't last very long because the guitarist became a heroin addict, so in 2005 I started my own project.
MUEN: IS THERE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN THE TYPE OF MUSIC YOU CREATE NOW, COMPARED TO PAST BANDS?
ENDOFNUMBERS: The difference would be - In the other 2 bands we were going for more speed metal type rather than industrial rock.
MUEN: WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GO SOLO THIS TIME AROUND, INSTEAD OF FINDING OTHER MEMBERS?
ENDOFNUMBERS: The reasons why I went solo is because I felt that music was a personal thing to me. As in telling people my story, and who can relate to what I have gone thru... in a full band, the songs would be about nonsense, I personally think an album should have a story line to it. In my eyes most great artists do it this way... instead of "selling out" just to be in the "loop."
MUEN: WHY DID YOU CHOOSE "END OF NUMBERS" FOR A NAME?
ENDOFNUMBERS: EndOfNumbers is a basic meaning about the number zero, it stands for "perfect being not perfect." See without zero, you can't have the rest of the numbers... if you don't have zero, you can't count the numeral 1, because zero (in the empty space) lets you see 1. Zero is the shadow that makes everything grow - which also leads too God, God is zero. Also, zero is outerspace... within the zero, you can count it all, and beyond all you can count (reaching the end of the universe) it will always be zero. And lastly, zero is the answer to everything as it becomes nothing.
MUEN: WHOA.. OK, WHAT INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY? AND WHEN DO YOU FEEL THE MOST INSPIRED TO WRITE?
ENDOFNUMBERS: I work with guitars, bass, keyboards, pianos, drums, synth, drum machines; and also drum programing effects - as in adjusting sound to create new sounds ect...... but what I like the most is guitar and synth. What inspires me to write are things that happened in my life, and things I have gone thru... being in the street, watching the news; seeing a beautiful woman.. animals... ghosts... a lot of things inspire me - I think thru my eyes, everything is worth writing about. And to structure it in a way where people can feel what you're writing, is a beautiful thing.
Interview by G. Cataline