Warren Holstein, an established entity on the New York comedy scene, burst forth from Rutgers University with a degree in Psychology and Cultural Anthropology. Graduating with highest honors and a promising future, he promptly took the next logical step of throwing it all away for various smoke-filled rooms of drunken hooligans.
Warrens unique brand of humor challenges preconceived values and truths, questioning our adherence to them. He presents new ways of looking at the world, which have been alternately described as warped, innovative and enlightening.
His unabashedly honest and engaging nature combined with an innate ability for improvisation continues to move and electrify audiences show after show.
Check out his weekly columns in the Huffington Post at:
He currently spends most of his time headlining at colleges and clubs across the country. Warren has been appeared most recently on MTV, can be seen soon in the new documentary "Sex, Drugs, and Comedy", has been part of The NYC Underground Comedy Festival, The Toyota Comedy Festival, headlined the Comical Showcase at The Boston Comedy Festival and contributed writing to Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.
He has opened in prominent NYC Clubs for Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, Bill Burr, Patrice O'Neal, Jim Norton, Gary Gulman, Kevin Nealon, Judah Friedlander, Donnell Rawlings, Ted Alexandro, Greg Giraldo, Jim Gaffigan, Jeff Ross, Marc Maron, Christian Finnegan, Robert Kelly, Lynn Koplitz, Paul Mecurio, Lisa Landry, Bonnie McFarlane, Rich Vos, Ben Bailey, Dov Davidoff, Steve Byrne, Kyle Grooms, Greg Rogell, Pete Dominick, Nick Dipaolo and Jim Florentine.
Check Warren’s Blog out at:
Warren Holstein on:
“There are places in this country where Jew is not even a person... it’s a verb”
“There is nothing more depressing than a fat kid, its like the physical manifestation of the loss of potential”
“There is no way you will ever get date raped on pot… unless you are wearing a pizza”
Finding that Special Someone:
“If you’ve been dating someone for 2 or 3 months and you’ve thought of killing her… she might be the one. And if you do actually kill her, she’s your soul mate”
Jewish Easter Envy:
“You guys get that cool bunny rabbit. What do Jews have? Lambs blood on the door!”
“ I actually don’t smoke pot… I bake brownies, I’m the hashish Betty Crocker”
Nadya Suleman (The Octomom):
“8 kids all at once, I’m sorry that is not a family… that is a litter”
Solving the Crisis in the Middle East: “We will no longer be reliant on oil if we can build a car that runs on stem cells… like the Ford Fetus or the Chrysler Le Bortion. Pro-choice equals pro-environment.”
Smiley Faces on the Sun:
“ If you were a mass of incandescent gas, that had to turn hydrogen into helium for eternity, would you be chipper?"
The Real Reason Britney Spears Became Famous:
“Let’s face it, America is just a big, fat, hairy sweaty child molester’s psyche, riding around in an ice-cream truck and we are all buying push-up pops!”