Ben Lerman

Ben Lerman

 New York City, New York, USA
BandComedySinger/Songwriter

Ben Lerman sings hilarious and catchy songs about love, pirates, Amish fashion, sex, and a violent bus ride in the Bronx. If Bo Burnham and Cam from "Modern Family" had a lovechild, it'd be this guy.

Biography

Ben Lerman plays colleges, clubs and festivals across the country. He’s a popular guest on radio and podcast shows like The Frank DeCaro Show on Sirius XM and the Keith & the Girl Podcast, and he has appeared on Logo TV and Here TV. His debut music video was featured on Comedy Central's Atom.com and Logo TV. Ben was nominated for an Excellence in Comedy in New York Award for Best Musical Comedy Act in 2011. Ben's 10-piece jazz band, the Titanics, is currently in residence at NYC's Ace Hotel, playing jazz interpretations of Nicki Menaj, LMFAO, and other dancehall hits. Ben's debut CD and EP ("Ukelear Winter" + "Size Matters") are bundled together and available for purchase on iTunes and Amazon.com. Additionally, Ben writes, produces and hosts a live version of the classic 70s TV game show "Match Game" for special events around NYC.

"Brilliant!" --New York Magazine
"Sick & brilliant." --TimeOut NY
"Hilarious." --ThreeWeeks, Edinburgh, UK
"So damn funny!" --TimeOut Chicago
“Hilarous... an extremely talented singer-songwriter...” --Fringe Guru, Edinburgh, UK
"Lerman is like a sought-after party guest--witty, generous, entertaining, and he never wears out his welcome... A real talent as a musician and lyricist." --NYTheatre.com

Visit www.benlerman.net.

For college booking, please contact Shelly at OUTmedia.

www.outmedia.org

Ben has appeared on
"NewNowNext," Logo TV
Hot Gay Comix, Here TV
Keith & the Girl Podcast
Atom.com Pro selection
Frank DeCaro Show (Sirius XM)
Raw Dog comedy (Sirius XM)
Derek & Romaine (Sirius XM)
You Had To Be There Podcast w/ Sara & Nikki

Ben has played shows at
University of Chicago
Yale University
James Madison U.
U of Tennessee Knoxville
Western Illinois U.
Cabrini College
Capital University
St. Francis University (Joliet, IL)
Elmhurst College
U of Connecticut Waterbury
Maryville U, St. Louis
U of Michigan Flint
U of Wisconsin La Crosse
Creating Change Conf.
Edinburgh Festival
Gay Pride Festivals: New York City, Jersey City, Milwaukee

Lyrics

The Librarian

Written By: Ben Lerman

Didn’t know where to find love
Where could it be?
So I conducted a survey informally
I asked a random sample
For love where should I look?
The most popular answer
Was in a romance book
Down at the library
That’s where I learned about
But it was not a Harlequin
That I had to check out
Oh…

CHORUS
I’m in love with the librarian
He’s so very
Literary
I’m in love with the librarian
Oh yes indeed
I feel the need… the need to read
Oh

I love his sensible shirts
And his messy hair
Even his nerd alert glasses
They’re black and square
I knew that it was magic
Before we ever kissed
By the titles on his
Recommended summer reading list
For such a quiet person
He’s hyper-sexual
Is it getting hot in here
Or intellectual?
Oh….

I’m in love with the librarian
Because he’s gentle
And reading is fundamental
I’m in love with the librarian
When I’m noisy
Only he can quiet me
Oh…

When we’re apart, lord I miss him
And his Dewey Decimal System
I want to put our love to the test
Uderneath the reference desk
He knows the right equation
To increase my circulation
We’ll make the beast with two backs
Getting down in the stacks…

CHORUS

(SHHHH!!)

The Big Gay Paradise Valley

Written By: Ben Lerman

One day in San Francisco
I was in the Castro
Down the street came a hoppin homo
He said, "Hey, Ben, let's go
off today!" Then he ducked away
to do crystal in the alley
(Is that normal?)
He said, "Come with me
And we'll go and see
The Big Gay Paradise Valley!"

In the Big Gay Paradise Valley,
The men are hot as hell
And everyone gets photographed
by David LaChappelle

The banks have busy backrooms
And so do bodegas
You can fuck and screw and run errands too
And the whole wide world is in love with you
In the Big Gay Paradise Valley

In the Big Gay Paradise Valley
The highest compliment is "fag."
The trannies all have magic powers
They're not just men in drag.
The difference between gay and straight is about two or three beers
There's a lake of poppers and a lake of booze
You can walk across 'em both in your Prada shoes
In the Big Gay Paradise Valley

Take what you please from the cocaine trees
There's no such thing as STDs!
In the Big Gay Paradise Valley

Fable

Written By: Ben Lerman


How can ya prove that love is not just a fable
Unable to tame a wild heart
Is it just a storm of tropical weather
Of pleasure and pain
What will remain
What do you measure after the rain

How can ya claim truth is one with beauty
When cutie beauty’s so often a lie
Is it just a ruse meant to seduce us
Medusa’s beauty once shone
Now she’ll turn ya to stone
What is the truth when beauty has flown

You have a look I know so well
Before you speak I can tell
That I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine
And we will leave all the rest behind us.

Honey we prove that love is not just a fable
It’s stable and boring as hell
So we might as well
Reach for a cable that rings a wedding bell
Reach for a cable that rings a wedding bell
Loving and stable and boring as hell

Nothin' But Amish

Written By: Ben Lerman

Karl Lagerfeld
crazier than hell
Barbequing with Donatella Versace (he said)

Darling, what should I do
I want to show something new
She threw a rib on the hibachi

Karl, darling, listen to your heart
Deconstructing culture is always a good start
Long as you have passion
All is fair in war and fashion
That’s advice my brother Gianni would impart

That night Karl had a dream
In black, white, grey, cream
Of a team of Amish men hoeing

He dreamed of gentle Amish folk
Pulling oxen on a yoke
When he woke he knew what he’d be sewing

I’ll make a vision in Chambray
A breakthrough of genius will happen here today
It will be so charming
When I mix fashion with farming
Bravo, bravo, bravo they will say

When I send nothing but Amish
I’ll send Nothing but Amish
Nothing but Amish coming down the runway

Karl took a while
Reworking Amish style
Spending days and nights slaving on his singer

Coats and vests
All buttonless
He found the right models to dress
Amish kids out on their Rumspringa

The lights went out; the tent went dark
Moustache-less bearded models hit their mark
Sexy overalls and hats
Work boots with bright-colored spats
All that became the toast of Bryant park

That day when there was

Nothing but Amish no no
Nothing but Amish nothing
But Amish coming down the runway

It took a year or so
For the trend to grow
Now Amish clothing is
Even at Old Navy
Amish in every mall
Clothing the stars and all
Even on Brad and Angelina’s
New brown baby

Karl moved to crying
So proud of his design
Amish equaled dollar signs
He made a million on it
And he put it in his bonnet
And started working on Buddhist monk line

But that one day
There was nothing but Amish no no
Nothing but Amish nothing
But Amish coming down the runway

Chubby Chaser

Written By: Ben Lerman

I was feeling blue
The phone it was ringing
My friends said, “He’s doggin’ you.”

Word was out all over town
My man had been sleeping around

He’s real thin
But he likes ‘em plump
So I shoulda known
Something was up
When he went to Weight Watchers
Went to the meetings
While was at home alone
Sitting and eating

Get your fat ass on the dancefloor
I’m looking for a new chubby chaser ‘til I just can’t dance any more
Yeah, Get your fat ass on the dancefloor baby.
Well the scale is up, but I’m getting down
Until it’s late, I’ll be throwing my weight around.

I drowned my sorrow
In lady fingers
A handful of ham, a can of cheese, a can of Pringles
(he’s got the fever for the flavor)
I pigged out and he’s the cause
Scarfed down a gallon of Haagen Daaz
(he put away some groceries)

I refuse to be alone tonight
I will cover your fetish for cellulite
I know you like my curves and folds
C’mon, chubby chaser, I’ll let you hump my fat rolls.

Get your fat ass on the dancefloor
I’m looking for a new chubby chaser ‘til I just can’t dance any more
Yeah, Get your fat ass on the dancefloor baby.
Well the scale is up, but I’m getting down
Until it’s late, I’ll be throwing my weight around.

(spoken) Fatty fatty two by four
We’ll do it on the kitchen floor
(spoken) Jelly jelly jelly roll
Grab my handles, take control
(spoken) You’re so fine and you’re mine
You won’t get no sleep
Cuz when I back it up you’ll hear the
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Tough Love Lesbo

Written By: Ben Lerman


She will not
Listen to you whine
Cares a lot
But won't let you waste her time
Sitting on your heels
You need someone to lay it on the line
She knows how you feel
But she won't let your crying change her mind

If you fall she'll make sure you safely land
But she won't hold your hand
Your bitching phone calls
she'll never understand
She'll pitch you softballs
but she'll pitch them overhand

She's a tough love lesbo
It's not that she don't care
She's a tough love lesbo
So suck it up and grow a pair
She tells you if you get too fat
She tells you not to dress like that

She won't caress you like a pussy cat
She knows it hurts to grow
tough love lesbo
God you need her so
tough love lesbo

You’re a slob
You gotta clean up your own mess
Get a job
Do you think you’re a princess?
It may be harsh but true
Most friends’ll tell you what you want to hear
You need someone who
Will set you straight before she buys you beer

When you’re wrong you don’t need a pass
You need a swift kick in the ass
Put down your bong, and go to class
Give you a tow when your car is stuck
But then get your own damn pick-up truck

She’s a tough love lesbo
It’s not that she don’t care
She’s a tough love lesbo
So suck it up and grow a pair

She’ll bring you soup when you get sick
So what if she don't wear lipstick
She thinks you’re useless like a Lady Bic

The Idol in Me

Written By: Ben Lerman

The Idol in Me

I had a hole that I needed to fill
It was something deep within
I could not be satisfied until
I was willing to fill it in

It hurt at first I feared the worst
My nerves all clenched in a ball
Then it felt so good I understood
That I needed to take it all
I had to take it all

I look back now at the boy in me
Nervously planting his seed
I’m on my knees, and I can feel deeply
That there is an Idol in me

Like a volcano that finally erupts
The boy inside me has his day
He’ll never stop, no he’ll never give up
No he’ll just keep plugging away

A little nervous a little shy
Not sure just what he has found
But there is no obstacle to stop this guy
That he can’t can’t reach around
He’s gonna reach around

I look back now at the boy in me
Eagerly planting his seed
I’m on my knees, and humbled I can see
That there is an Idol in me
There is an American Idol deep inside of me

Multiple Orgasm Pam

Written By: Ben Lerman

She don't have to think about it
Her thoughts and actions, they are all aligned
Connects her body wither her mind
She’s got a strong core

Don't make a big stink about it
It comes to her as easy as a breath
The French call it the little death
La petite mort

She don’t ride a roller coaster
That only has one peak
It takes two or three
Hills and valleys
To make her eyes roll back and tears run down cheek

She’s multiple-orgasm Pam
She can’t understand
Girls who are done
After only one

Glass of champagne in her hand
But she don’t stop
She’s got
More bottles of bubbly still to pop

Girl you know you can be just like Pam
Better try it first with just your hand
Soon you’ll be taking a bow
And ringing your own bell

Many moregasms lie in store,
So start by building up your pelvic floor
I’m doing my Kegels right now
And no one can tell

She conducts her orchestra
To more than one climax
Crescendo then relax
The strings die in their tracks
Replaced by swelling organs, drums, and sax

Multiple-orgasm Pam
She says “Yes ma’am! I can hustle
my pubococcygeus muscles!”

Man in the boat gets a tan
He gets so hot
Then paddles up the canal to a hidden spot

A little old sparkler
Is the way to start off right
But Pam she shows her guy
How to light up the whole sky
Every day can be the fourth of July

Discography

"Size Matters"
Digital release September 2009
CD release November 2009

"Ukelear Winter"
CD release November 2007
Digital release September 2009

Set List

I can vary my set from 20 minutes to an hour and 20 minutes or play two different 45 minute sets. I also vary the nature of my set from naughty to nice, depending on the venue and crowd.

1. Ben Lerman Plays the Ukelele
2. Lazy Eye
3. When You Touch Me
4. Unshaven
5. Mark of Love
6. Multiple Orgasm Pam
7. Benjamin Hoff
8. Idol in Me
9. Defriended
10. Bat Shit Crazy
Encore: Chubby Chaser