Black & White Cookies

Black & White Cookies

 New York City, New York, USA
BandComedyAcoustic

Billy D. and Warren D. are songwriters who have chosen to use their abilities purely for evil.

Influences include Corky and the Juice Pigs, Steven Lynch, Tenacious D, Bob Saget, and Weird Al Yankovic.

Biography

In every generation there is a legendary black and white duo. Some use their powers for good. Some use their powers for not-good.

Billy D. and Warren D. are songwriters who have chosen to use their abilities mostly for not-good.

Billy D. is a former boy band singer originally from Kansas who now spends his days bitter and remorseful. In his spare time he likes to play with his cat.

Warren D. is a former jam band guitar player originally from Minnesota who now spends his days bitter and remorseful. In his spare time he likes to play with Billy's cat.

Together, they are Black & White Cookies.

Influences include Corky and the Juice Pigs, Steven Lynch, Tenacious D, Bob Saget, and Weird Al Yankovic.

Warren D. and Billy D. pride themselves on writing well-crafted, catchy songs with tight harmonies and hooks that stay with audience members for days after a show. Their live performances are marked by spontaneity and audience involvement. Their lyrics are typically NOT safe for work, and their shows are geared towards an 18+ audience.

Lyrics

Dog

Written By: Warren D. Kimmel and William Davis III

When I said that I was sorry
I meant that I was sorry that you caught me doing wrong
You know that you’re the only one
I only told her she’s the other only one
‘cause I thought that you were gone
But I won’t lie to you

And when I said that I would call you
I meant that I would call you if nothing better comes my way
‘cause I only got your number
To get your girlfriend’s number
But I guess you’ll do OK
Unless she calls me

I’ll tell you lies, I’ll hide the truth
I’ll do anything just to sleep with you
So listen to what I say, ‘cause I won’t lie to you
I just lied to you
Just listen to what I say, don’t listen to what I do

I told you you were beautiful
I told you I heard angels sing as I nibbled on your ear
But I forgot to mention that I’m liable to say anything
After six funnel shots of beer
And a big old whiskey chaser

I’ll tell you lies, I’ll hide the truth
I’ll do anything just to sleep with you
So listen to what I say, ‘cause I won’t lie to you
I just lied to you
Just listen to what I say, don’t listen to what I…

I’ve never felt this way before
I’ll give you my heart, my soul and more
This is the first time
Since the last time
But that’s what I said the last time
(no, really, I’m in love)

Now I know it seems unlikely
But your family doesn’t like me
Though I wish they would pretend
Well, your sister told your mother
(who had heard it from your brother)
That I was hitting on all your friends
Well, I’m not… but I REALLY WANT TO

I’ll tell you lies, I’ll hide the truth
I’ll do anything just to sleep with you
So listen to what I say, ‘cause I won’t lie to you
I just lied to you again
Just listen to what I say, don’t listen to what I do
No matter what I do…

Stalker

Written By: William Davis III and Warren D. Kimmel

I put the key into the door, It just swings open
I think that's blood on the floor
And the window's broken
I flip the switch, The lights are out, I don't like this at all
It looks like someone left a message In lipstick on my wall!

This is all I've ever wanted
I hope it's everything I dreamed
Cause no one's famous
Until they've had a stalker
Our symbol of celebrity

Do you want to be my stalker?
That special someone to watch me through my window pane
I could be your Jodie Foster
It makes me crazy Driving you insane

In the Summer time I saw you everywhere
Then Autumn came You told me you'd cut your hair
TO LOOK LIKE MINE!
Christmas time You sent presents to my parent's home
Now I know I'm famous Cause I'm scared to be alone!

Oh how I wish that this would happen
It's my biggest fantasy
Man, I can't wait to be famous
And have you stalking me

So if it's cold and dark,
And late on a Saturday night
Think of all the deep, dark,
Dirty letters you could write.
You could tell me how you love me so
And you want to own my heart
While burning all my clothes
And tearing all my things apart

Do you want to be my stalker?
That special someone to watch me through my window pane
I could be your Jodie Foster
It makes me crazy Driving you insane
Driving you insane

The Weed Song

Written By: Warren D. Kimmel and William Davis III

The Weed Song

Some folks, they plan for tomorrow
But you’re the kind who lives for today
But there’ll come a time when you’re no longer with us
So think of your friends before you pass away…

When you die, can I have all of your weed?
Don’t need a stack of cash, just a simple stash
Oughta satisfy my need
So keep it in a safe place, and pick out the seeds
When you die, can I have all of your weed?

Tell your ma she can have all the silver
Give your brother the dog and the truck
And that big ol’ collection of porn DVD’s
Heard his player’s been broke / guess he’s shit out of luck…

When you die, can I have all of your weed?
Don’t need a stack of cash, just a simple stash
Oughta satisfy my need
So keep it in a safe place, and pick out the seeds
When you die, can I have all of your weed?

Yo-de-lay-ee, yo-de-lay-ee
Yo-de-lay-ee, yo-de-lay-ee
Yo-de-lay-ee, yo-de-lay-ee, weed

Now I don’t want to sound all depressing
Or put heavy thoughts in your mind
And we hope that you live to a ripe, wrinkly age
But I’ll ask you again/Oh, good buddy of mine

When you die, can I have all of your weed?
Just a simple clause in the will because
You’re my best friend indeed
So keep it in a safe place… (where Billy can’t see)
When you die, can I have all of your weed?

Yo-de-lay-ee, yo-de-lay-ee
Yo-de-lay-ee, yo-de-lay-ee
Yo-de-lay-ee, yo-de-lay-ee, weed

I Wish You Were Dead

Written By: William Davis III and Warren D. Kimmel

I Wish You Were Dead

I’m lost
I’m lost and I can’t find a way
I can’t find a way to get you out of my life
Oh, how I hate you
And I’d love
I’d love just a little more time
I’d love some more time to figure out what to do
With your corpse if I killed you

I can’t take any more, you drive me insane
Your love is a cancer that’s rotting my brain
And I’d sell my soul to get your voice out of my head
Oh, how I wish you were dead

I knew
Girl, I knew you were the one
And I knew that I’d known you all of my life
‘Till I got to know you
You stink!
You stink and you don’t even care
You don’t cook, you don’t clean, you don’t go anywhere
Oh, how I loathe you

Now I don’t endorse murder
But killing you can’t be crime
Even if I got caught
It’d be worth the time
I’d love to take a match to your mattress
(dance around your burning bed)
Oh, how I wish you were dead

You make me feel like I’m falling down a flight of stairs
while ripping out my eyeballs with a half-melted spork

Ooh, girl
Like a vampire spider-leech, you sucked out my soul
And my self respect, I’m only just the shell of a half of a man

Oh, how I wish you were dead

Now I don’t know how much longer I can hold on
I just hate you so much, I just wish you were gone
I’d love to take a major appliance to the back of your head

Oh, God, I wish you were dead
I hope all your pets die!
I wish you were dead
And your stupid house plants too!
I wish you were dead
(etc)
I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish you were dead….

Discography

Music to Soothe the Savage... aww, f@#k it.
(Released 5/18/2013)

Set List

Black & White Cookies is available to play sets ranging from 15 to 90 minutes.

Original songs include:

Stalker
I Wish You Were Dead
The Weed Song
Dog
Raindrops
About Last Night
Good in Bed

Comedic versions of cover songs include:

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper)
"Old English Folk Song" (as performed by Bob Saget)
Assh*le (Denis Leary)
Rainbow Connection (from the Muppet Movie)
Satellite (Dave Matthews Band)