Clive Harrison

Clive Harrison


Funny jazz songs about life, mortgages, marriage and kids.

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Cover band: 


Hormonal with a Handgun

Written By: Clive Harrison

Hormonal with a Handgun
© C.Harrison 2006
I love my baby dearly but she’s talking in Swahili
Cos shut my mouth is what I should have done
You should never try to answer if she asks you if her
Pants are making her look kinda big around the bum

My baby is Pre-Menstrual and the atmosphere is
tense, hell, this kitchen has the smell of homicide
With all these sharp utensils here I think my best
Defence’ll be evacuate the premises and hide


Cos she’s Hormonal with a hand-gun, and a lethal attitude,
Talking Swahili, love her dearly, but she’s fixing for a feud,
Don’t want to Die now, so goodbye now, for an hour or so at least
Because with Oestrogen and Westrogen, its “Never the twain shall meet”

You’re a friend so I implore you softly tiptoe out the
Door if, she asks you “Does my bum look big in this?”
Cos if you answer you’re a dead man, better Plead the Fifth
Amendment, or you’ll plummet to your doom in the Abyss.

As the Oestrogen is rising an escape plan I’m devising
Forgive me but I’m going to the shed
My Westrogen is low, the football’s on the
Radio and if I stay here there’s a chance you’ll shoot me dead.

Periodically you’ll blunder, and she’ll slice you to a
hundred little pieces and you’ll wonder why she did it,
Better keep yourself a diary to predict when she’ll be
Firey and the hormones come to pay a little visit.