Coach Patt

Coach Patt

 Moncton, New Brunswick, CAN
BandFolkAcoustic

I'm an old fart but I don't stink! is the elevator pitch to the kids.
It is a childrens show not to be missed by the family with lots of surprises the kids are gonna love. Very engaging.

Biography

Children’s songwriter/author Coach Patt has been plying his trade for approximately one decade now and is registered with the province of New Brunswick school database. His first CD of children’s songs was released in the fall of 2011 and features nine original songs whose topics range from the joys of bubble gum to a pig that can jig! It was produced by multi-ECMA winner Chris Colepaugh.
To quote one of Coach Patt’s songs, he sings: “I’m just an old fart but I don’t stink that’s what I think. I write kids’ stories and I write kids’ songs, when I sing you can sing along!” His songs lend themselves to listener participation, whether it’s a chorus of children – or adults!!
Coach Patt has performed for more than 50,000 children during the past decade – including three times at the prestigious Hackmatack Book Awards, as well as numerous Maritime festivals (such as Peter Gzowski Literacy Day) and corporate and private functions.
Coach Patt has also been featured on CBC Radio and Television.
With the release of his self-titled CD, Coach Patt looks forward to singing his songs to seas of smiling faces. He is currently securing dates for his “Read and Roll” Tour. The former journalist, advertising copywriter, touring drummer and all-around “old fart” invites you to visit him at www.coachpatt.com. To hear music clips, please visit ITunes (Coach Patt).

Lyrics

Chompitty Boogie

Written By: Coach Patt

Do The Chompitty Boogie
Gum. Gum. Bubblegum. Bubblegum. Yum. Yum. Yum.
You chomp a giant wad of gum in your mouth
It moves East to West and North and South
You chew like a cow and you chew like a horse
That’s how you make your chompitty sounds, of course!

Now slime lime is a favourite
You pop another piece and you flavour it
You pop the whole pack and fill each cheek
Your mouth is so full you can’t speak!

Do the chompitty boogie, Do the chompitty boogie
Chompitty boogie, Chompitty boogie, but never the chompitty booger!!

When you chomp your gum your brain will relax
While your jaws are clacking like a train on the tracks
“Spit out that gum,” teacher says to you
But the bubble gum train says “Chew Choo”.

When you chomp your gum you blow a giant bubble
If it bursts in your hair you just might be in trouble
No need to panic no need to shudder
Just comb it out with peanut butter.

Do the chompitty boogie, Do the chompitty boogie
Chompitty boogie, Chompitty boogie, but never the chompitty booger!!

Dee Oh Gee

Written By: Coach Patt

Dee Oh Gee
There is a dog, D. O. G. dog. Dee-Oh-Gee is his name
Dee-Oh-Gee is strange but tame.
Here Dee-Oh-Gee, there Dee-Oh-Gee
Everywhere that Dee-Oh-Gee.

He’s so friendly, he wouldn’t hurt a flea
He was born happy that dog, Dee-Oh-Gee
Here Dee-Oh-Gee, there Dee-Oh-Gee
Everywhere that Dee-Oh-Gee

And he barks like a dog and he meows like a cat
Yes he barks and he meows, imagine that!
He barks like a dog and he meows like a cat
He barks and he meows, listen to that.
“Bow-wow, Meow-Meow, Bow-Meow, Wow-Meow
Bow-wow, Meow-Meow, Bow-Meow!”

There is a cat, C.A.T. cat, See-Ay-Tee is her name
See-Ay-Tee is strange but tame.
Here See-Ay-Tee, there See-Ay-Tee
Everywhere that See-Ay-Tee.
She’s so friendly, but not to Dee-Oh-Gee
She bit his rump and knee in a fit of jealousy!
Here See-Ay-Tee, there See-Ay-Tee
Everywhere that See-Ay-Tee.

And she barks like a dog and she meows like a cat
Yes she barks and she meows, imagine that!
She barks like a dog and she meows like a cat
She barks and she meows, listen to that.
“Bow-wow, Meow-Meow, Bow-Meow, Wow-Meow

I'M Just An Old Fart

Written By: Coach Patt

I’m Just An Old Fart (But I don’t stink!)
No S.T.I.N.K. No S.T.I.N.K.
I’m just an old fart but I don’t stink
That’s what I think.
And I’ll tell you why. It’s as clear as a big blue sky.

I wash in the morning and I wash at night
I use soap to get it right.
Brush my teeth, shampoo my hair and my mustache, too
So folks won’t say “P. U.”

I write kids’ stories and I write kids’ songs
When I sing you can sing along.
Sing. Sing. Sing. Singalong. Sing. Sing. Sing. Singalong.
It’s good, clean fun for everyone
Most of it I think
And that’s why I don’t stink!

I’m just an old fart but I don’t stink
That’s what I think.
And I’ll tell you why. It’s as clear as a big blue sky.

No S.T.I.N.K. No S.T.I.N.K

To Your Room Mother

Written By: Coach Patt

To Your Room, Mother.
You were bad, You were bad, You were not good
Not good, Not good, Not good
Now get to your room, is that understood
Now, mother. Now. Now. Mother.

You watched me at hockey and did nothing but mock me
And yell at my coach and my team.
We were trying our best, you wouldn’t give it a rest
You got louder with every scream.
To your room. To your room. Get to your room.
Now mother. Now. Now. Mother.

You booed poor Tony as he rode the Zamboni
You drowned out the final buzzer.
Then you swore at the Ref, who was your other son, Jeff
And he said “Mom?” and I said “That was her.”

We drove home from my game, you nearly drove me to shame
With your actions behind the wheel.
You wouldn’t act your age and were so full of road rage
It made you and the tires squeal.

It wasn’t long after, with your loud evil laughter
You started speeding and got caught.
You passed a policeman, who said
“Slow down please, ma’am. You’re still in the rink parking lot!!”

Too bad for you. So sad, boo-hoo. To your room.
You were bad. You were bad. You were not good.
Not good, Not good, Not good
You were bad, You were bad, You were not good
Now get to your room, is that understood
Now, mother. Now. Now. Mother.

Butt Dad

Written By: Coach Patt

Butt Dad
My kids keep calling me this strange nickname
Half of it’s new, the other half’s the same.
They say it softly and they say it loud
People laugh when my kids say it in a crowd.

I hear that nickname at least once a day
They blurt it out when they don’t get there way.
They plead and nag and finally say “Why not!’
And then they say this strange nickname that I’ve got.
And here it is…..Butt Dad, Butt Dad, Butt Dad.

I tell them gimme gimme never gets
Yet they keep asking and have no regrets
“Hey, Pop, say ‘Yes’ this once and we’ll tell you what
We’ll never say that name – no ifs, ands or buts.”

So I said “Yes” and good-bye to that name
Soon they’d nag me to buy them a new game
They kept their word as they’d beg and bother
They didn’t say Butt Dad, they said….Butt Father!
Butt Father, Butt Father, Butt Father.

Set List

The Hooray Song
The Chompitty Boogie
Old Fart
Butt Dad
Bad Hair Month
To Your Room Mom
Happy And You Know It
Dee Oh Gee
Read and Roll
Drum Drum
Hula Hoop
Pig Could Jig

Spares:
Friends, Clappy Hand, Lime In Coconut,