Craig Baldo
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Craig Baldo

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The best kept secret in music


"The Onion's Say Something Funny"

Vol. 40 Issue 32: 12-18 August

What is funny?

The phrase "dry hump." Next question.

What are fifteen things your father passed down to you?

1. It's important to always be yourself, except on Halloween.
2. Do not focus on journey's end. Focus on the hits they made when they were together.
3. When you're feeling nauseas, eat jellybeans. Makes vomiting beautiful.
4. If you're thinking of committing suicide, STOP! Go see Spider-Man 2 first. Great movie.
5. Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. Try Greenwich, Connecticut.
6. Regret nothing in life, except the time you went skinny dipping with your high school guidance counselor.
7. Pray to God for things you really need, not for things that you think God will think you're cool for wanting.
8. Eating an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Eating at Applebees once a day will make you shit lava.
9. On your grandfather's 100th birthday, do not throw him a surprise party.
10. If a deaf person sees you doing that YMCA dance, he or she will be thinking, "Who wrote a song called, 'Touchdown, McDonalds, Half Moon, Christmas Tree?'"
11. To impress a woman, do not join the army. No girl is worth that many push-ups.
12. On a business resume, under special skills do not include "eaves dropping."
13. New York Yankee Bernie Williams recorded an album called "The Journey Within." If you turn off all the lights, drop acid and listen to the entire album straight through, beginning to end, it sucks.
14. In 1804, only rich people shopped in 99-cent stores.
- The Onion

"Buzz Runneth Over at Laugh Fest"

Other popular acts were Danny Bhoy from Scotland; Brit Rhod Gilbert, making his first visit to North America; uptown comic Rod Thomson; and new faces Jasper Redd, Jay Larson, Joe DeRosa and Craig Baldo.
- Daily News

"Comedy off the Beaten Path?"

I'm especially excited that past Top 10 Back Stage comedy pick Craig Baldo was featured in the premiere episode of "Jump Cuts," on Comedy Central in the short film "Cavalcade of Personalities," playing, of all things, an oil magnate. He was also just at the Funny Farm in Atlanta opening for Judy Tenuta. Hard to believe how quickly this talented, hip, and very deserving comic is moving up in the comedy ranks.
- Backstage


Still working on that hot first release.



Originally from Jersey and now living in Brooklyn, Craig Baldo has been telling jokes on stage since 1999. Craig recently performed at Just for Laughs in Montreal and Bumbershoot in Seattle opening for Janeane Garofalo. He was a finalist on Last Comic Standing Season One and has been featured on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Comedy Central’s Premium Blend, Comic Remix and NBC’s Late Friday. In New York City, Craig warms up studio audiences for the Daily Show and Colbert Report. His writing has been featured in scores of on- and off-line publications such as The Onion, Time Out NY and