Dave Goldstein

Dave Goldstein’s comic star is on
the rise, thanks in no small part
from his exposure on Conan
O’Brien’s show. And friend, when I say
exposure, I mean that literally. Sensing the
nation’s need for more naked law enforce-
ment officers, Goldstein stepped up and
assumed the career-defining role of the
naked cop directing traffic in front of the
Metropolitan Museum of Art.
The Jersey native was quick to point
out the rigorous preparation he had to
undergo: “Of course, a lot of abdominal
and core work. High protein, low fat and
carbohydrates,” Goldstein explained.
“Mostly, though, just a complete and utter
lack of embarrassment and self-awareness
at standing in front of one of the world’s
great museums on Fifth Avenue in New
York City in nothing but a cop hat, socks,
shoes and a flesh-colored Speedo.”
A more modestly attired Goldstein can
be found tonight at Jack Baker’s Lob-
ster Shanty Wharfside Patio Bar in Point
Pleasant.
ED KAZ!: Dave! This is big news! You’re
going to be the audience warm-up guy for
Drew Carey’s new game-show pilot for
CBS! I’ve never warmed an audience up.
Can you give me some tips?
GOLDSTEIN: Well, actually, we’ll see.
It’s exciting. I did the warm-up the day we
shot the first two pilots that CBS looked
at, but it’s been a little up in the air about
the schedule for the rest of the season. It’s
a tough gig. You don’t have time to get in
a flow. Basically, whenever there’s a break
in the filming, for even a few minutes, it’s
the warm-up guy’s job to get on set and
try to keep the audience occupied while
cameras are reset, lights are lighted, and
the host has his make up buffed. After a
four-hour taping, you’ve exhausted every
improv bone in your body.
KAZ!: You’re playing Jack Baker’s
Wharfside Patio Bar tonight. Will you also
be warming up the lobsters?
GOLDSTEIN: If by warming up the
lobsters, you mean will I be eating all
the lobster I can possibly hold, then yes,
I’ll be warming up the lobsters. And the
potato salad.
KAZ!: Can people laugh while they’re
eating lobsters? Do you have any con-
cerns?
GOLDSTEIN: I’m hoping we start the
show once people are done eating. Drunks
I can handle, but gluttons are tough.
KAZ!: Laurel and Hardy or Abbott and
Costello?
GOLDSTEIN: Pryor and Wilder.
KAZ!: At what age did you realize you
were funny?
GOLDSTEIN: Somewhere around 12,
but I went to camp and grew up with a
lot of really funny people, so it didn’t
seem that unusual. I thought every kid
sat at home with a tub of barbecue chips
listening to Bill Cosby and Steve Martin
albums.
KAZ!: Who or what influenced you to
become a comedian?
GOLDSTEIN: I’m not exactly sure. I
guess like most comics, the satisfaction
of pleasing family and friends just isn’t
enough. I’ve got to please 500 strangers
on a dock in Point Pleasant, New Jersey.
KAZ!: Do you remember the first joke
you ever told onstage?
DAVE GOLDSTEIN: No, but it was
either something about phone sex or the
Revolutionary War. I’m very well read.
KAZ!: What is the absolute worst gig you
ever had?
DAVE GOLDSTEIN: Birmingham, Ala-
bama. The club is beautiful and huge, but
luckily for me, Birmingham’s most popu-
lar comic just happened to have some time
off, so they thought, “What a great idea,
let’s have him go up before the Jewish guy
from West New York, New Jersey.” At the
end of his set, he rammed his fist in the air
and said, “Don’t let nobody tell you dif-
ferent. I’m proud to be a Southern man.”
I remember just sitting in the green room
thinking, “I’m dead.”
KAZ!: What is the absolute best gig you
ever had?
GOLDSTEIN: Doing the Count Basie
Theatre last year with Dennis Miller in
front of 1,500 people has got to be right
up there. Plus, the biggest Yenta I know,
my buddy who’s a chiropractor here at the
Shore, happened to be at the show. By the
time I was done, he’d already called eve-
rybody we knew. I couldn’t have scripted
it better.
KAZ!: At what point in your life did you
think to yourself, “Hey! I can make a liv-
ing doing this?”
GOLDSTEIN: I’m just in it for the
lobster.

- The Asbury Park Press

Dave Goldstein did a funny bit taking a sentence from the audience like, "The drinks are weak," and double-talking it into, "While the liquid may fill the glass, the substance is not of sufficient strength to lengthen the nerve synapses in my brain." - The New York Post

The crowd goes nuts! - Current Diversions of Hilton Head, SC