Dr. Kevin Fitzgerald

Dr. Kevin Fitzgerald

 Denver, Colorado, USA

With a background that ranges from numerous tours as a bouncer with The Rolling Stones, a 25-year career in veterinary medicine, and over 20-years of performing as a professional stand-up comedian; Kevin Fitzgerald is a true renaissance man.

Band Press

TV vet's life was never only doc 'n' droll – By Bill Husted - Denver Post (April 2009)

Kevin Fitzgerald, 57, is a Denver native — but he's well-traveled and known around the world. Early on, he was a security guy for music men Barry Fey, Chuck Morris and Bill Graham. This led him to security details with big bands on international tours, most notably the Rolling Stones in '69, '72, '75, '78, '81 and '89. He's been a vet for 26 years at Alameda East Veterinarian Hospital in Denver, and a stand-up comedian for 22 years. He's best known around the country for Animal Planet's reality series "Emergency Vets" and "E-Vet Interns," which aired 1998-2008, filmed at Alameda East. You can usually find him at the hospital, Comedy Works, Sixth Avenue Cigars or Nallen's, where we meet. He orders a Harp.

Fitzgerald: I drink Harp because Guinness is too strong. It's like a loaf of bread that gives you a buzz — too thick, too rich.

BH: But you don't drink much.

Fitzgerald: I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't drink if I was going to see patients the next day. And you can't drink before you do stand-up. You have to have all your wits about you. Nobody is better after a few drinks. We all become a little bit of that guy we don't want to be.

BH: Who's the dog?

Fitzgerald: Yoda. He's 12. His mother died last year; she was 87, and he was with the body for four
(Helen H. Richardson, The Denver Post)
days, and he wouldn't let anybody touch her. So the EMTs called me. Everybody was afraid of him, so I came in and sat on the floor and he ran over and jumped in my lap. He had a tag on that said 'El Guapo,' which means 'The Handsome One' in Spanish. But I can't call him that. I'm Irish.

BH: And he's ugly.

Fitzgerald: He thinks he's good-looking.

BH: Why do people love ugly dogs?

Fitzgerald: I think there's something humorous about them, appealing, especially the smushed-face dogs. They look unfinished somehow.

BH: Did the Obamas pick the right dog?

Fitzgerald: They did. They're onto a Portuguese water dog. A little bit trendy but a nice dog. A good family dog.

BH: What's the most unusual thing you've seen a dog eat?

Fitzgerald: I did two TV specials on what dogs swallowed. Christmas ornaments, a bra, a Master Lock. My bulldog once ate 25 rubber dinosaurs.

BH: How many cats can you have before you're crazy?

Fitzgerald: You're officially a crazy cat lady when you have more than three.

BH: Why do people treat their pets better than their spouses?

Fitzgerald: There is something misguided about people that we treat animals better than we treat each other. We mean well, but we're misguided. Anything with a heartbeat we should be kind to.

BH: Are you a vegetarian?

Fitzgerald: No. I wish I could be, but it's very difficult, a
(Helen H. Richardson, The Denver Post)
real commitment. And it's very difficult when you travel, to Third World countries especially.

BH: What was it like being on "Emergency Vets"?

Fitzgerald: It was strange.

BH: Gore Vidal said, "Never pass up the opportunity to have sex or appear on television."

Fitzgerald: It's certainly true about sex. But TV is not real.

BH: What about touring with the Rolling Stones? Real?

Fitzgerald: Magic. Sensory overload. So much for a kid who didn't know anything. It was fun to the nines. You wouldn't believe it.

BH: Why did you become a vet?

Fitzgerald: At the end of the '78 tour, Keith Richards told me I should go to school and do something with my life. He told me I gotta get a grip. And when Keith tells you something, you listen. He's the hippest cat ever.

BH: Why do stand-up?

Fitzgerald: I think you do stand-up because you have to. I think everybody is funny in their own rhythm, in their own joke. Keith told me that everyone has one song in them. He had "Satisfaction." Whatever song he wrote, "Satisfaction" came out. And I think we all have one joke. All my jokes are the same joke.

BH: Tell me a short funny joke.

Fitzgerald: A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop."

BH: Were you the class clown?

Fitzgerald: I was the associate class clown. When he was sick, I got to do stuff.

BH: What are you writing, and what are you reading?

Fitzgerald: I write a column for four magazines, and I just finished 29 chapters for eight different veterinary textbooks. And I try to write my own jokes. But how can you write funnier than the Octomom? I mean, you can't turn your body into a clown car. I read a lot. I just finished "The Devil in the White City." And I'm reading "The Beautiful Cigar Girl: Mary Rogers, Edgar Allan Poe, and the Invention of Murder."

BH: Why do you hang out at Nallen's?

Fitzgerald: I come in here and I have a drink with John. I like this place because it smells like Ireland. Old perfume, stale beer and maybe a little cigar smoke.

BH: What have you learned by 57?

Fitzgerald: Don't do shots.

BH: On your tombstone?

Fitzgerald: "What are you looking at?"

Conducted, condensed and edited by Bill Husted: 303-954-1486 or bhusted@denverpost.com.
Full article at:

El Paso Veterinary Medical Association – Praise for Kevin Fitzgerald

“Kevin’s humor and insignt into everyday life is a breath of freshness.”

Carriage House Learning Center – Praise for Kevin Fitzgerald

“Kevin was so entertaining... I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house.”

Great Plains Zoo and Delbridge Museum – Praise for Kevin Fitzgerald

“Dr. Kevin was wonderful!”

Garnsey & Wheeler Ford – Praise for Kevin Fitzgerald

“Thanks to Dr. Fitzgerald, our party was a huge success!”

Boys & Girls Clubs of Metro Denver – Praise for Kevin Fitzgerald

“He was great...the perfect addition to our event!”