endofnumbers

endofnumbers

BandRockAlternative

“Endofnumbers comes at you with a deep, and dark sound…his music…takes you into his world of fear, pain and some of the horror that he had to indure in his life; and…his music…captures your attention as soon as you turn it on.” Scott’s Music Review

Biography

It starts in Peru.

When I was six years old, my older brother took me to the store to buy a music tape of Iron Maiden. When I heard them for the first time, I new I wanted to make music. I also started listening to such bands like Slayer, Megadeth, Ozzy, The Doors, Jimmy Hendrix, Syd Barrett and Pink Floyd just to name a few.

When I arrived to the States at the age of seven, I new that my dream could be real. I started thinking of more possibilities.

As the years passed, I started listening to Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Skinny Puppy, Ministry, Orgy, Depeche Mode, The Talking Heads, etc. My vision of music became a whole new world, a depressing world. I turned to drugs to cope. I hung out with a bad crowd and got in trouble with the police. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but it went on for years.

Then came the anxiety and the phobia of being alive.

In my mind, when I looked at the world through my eyes, there were always faces, smiling, staring, some sad. Eyes appeared through the shadows. And, these shadows always walked by me. Reading a book called Necronomicon and learning the tarot cards set the world on fire for me. After that, more shadows appeared and I remember screaming to God for it to stop.

It didn’t help. More kept on coming.

After that, came the fear of being outside. I couldn’t leave my house. The fear of smiling, and thinking heavenly thoughts scared me. I feared strangers, stares, and happiness. People’s faces were ugly, including the beautiful woman.

The thoughts of all those faces that stared at me were easy to read.

Emotions became stronger and my abnormal thoughts were hitting me hard. Every day, I didn’t know whether I was going to make it alive. I used to think of all these thoughts of God and Jesus. I thought that God wasn’t real and that He was an invented fantasy to overcome stress. I thought the devil was just a picture painted to sit beside God. An opposite that wasn’t real. I used to pray and pray for it to stop: the dreams, the visions and the depression. It overwhelmed me.

I was unable to do a lot of things because of all of this. I couldn’t live a normal life. I tried to create some local bands but they all fell apart due to my problems. I couldn’t speak to the world.

It’s been like this for me since the age of fourteen. Some things are still deep inside of me. I can’t remember them and honestly, I don’t want too. It’s easier to control now, but at times, it’s so strong, but I try.

I’ve been writing poetry, songs and lyrics since the age of eleven. I got a bass guitar the following year, then a guitar. I spent the next two years learning these. Then at sixteen, I got my first drum set. But it wasn’t enough for me. I needed more. At seventeen, I started recording with a double tape deck. You know, mixing tapes around. It’s kind of funny when you think about it. Later that summer, I bought my first keyboard then a synthesizer. In my heart, I felt like I was getting somewhere. Eventually, I bought more keyboards, as well as drum machines.

At twenty-two, I met a strange psychic who told me I was a special being from God. That scared me so much that I had to leave. It just got weirder after that. My palms have been itchy since.

At twenty-three, I recorded my first full-length sounds at this cheap studio. It was a waste of time but at the same time, it wasn’t. I learned by watching how the recording and drum programs were used. After that, I bought my own programs and started recording and making beats for my songs.

Then I stopped as depression set in.

In the summer of my twenty-fourth birthday, I truly devoted my time to recording my songs, but then I stopped again in the winter of 2006. I didn’t know if I was going to be alive to finish it.

I’m twenty-five now. I finished the album. When I look back, I think to myself ‘I made it’. The world has lifted off of me.

My album is about depression, God, numbers, the universe, the unknown, the shadows, the eyes, secret messages, hate and a beautiful woman that influenced it in a big way. This woman once told me that I would never be seen. I think this album is my light in which I will be seen by the world. Hopefully to prove to her that I am seen and that she is nothing now. Everything that was wasted can be gained with time.

The album is titled off white, and the band’s name is endofnumbers.

Lyrics

its pathetic what you are

Written By: silkky21

It’s pathetic what you are

Got it black and forever
Always strange and why I hide
Never scream lead me on that’s all you fucking do
It’s pathetic what you are
You feed everyone
I’m the fool now I know please tell me what to do
My scars are deeper holes my fears scream control
I walk in I walk through
Tear apart what is mine

There’s nothing to fear
There’s nothing to hide
There’s nothing to lose
There’s nothing to see

I have questions of tomorrow there is something to tell
Do you care? No you don’t
That all you fucking do
Crucified that’s all you
Now I know you went to far

There’s nothing to fear
There’s nothing to hide
There’s nothing to lose
There’s nothing to see

It’s pathetic what you are
You feed everyone

i dream you're real

Written By: silkky21

I dream you’re real

I’ve searched all over for you
Making me forgettable I know
I feel the difference will creep and
You just go away like I’m nothing
Now it’s come to this
Through a place where nothing feeds and grows
I’ve arrived alive, playing, joking to cover up
What I feel inside

I dream
You’re real
I see
I knew you
Oh stranger come closer
Come closer to me

Why ask when the answers fade it’s a matter of believe to me
All the faces stare speak about what they don’t care about
If I was only real today
It wouldn’t make a difference anyway
My tears about you drop
Before the ground and burn away

I dream
You’re real
I see
I knew you
Oh stranger come closer
Come closer to me

I know everything goes wrong I feel what you don’t
I go for the strange
Impossible to break free now
I dream you’re real
I see I knew you
I dream you’re real
I see I knew you

you wont

Written By: silkky21

You wont

You’re walking through my broken sky
Think of the ugly things shot through my heart
I’m standing inside the pleasures upon
It’s so strange to live in the dark
Did you ever know I wanted so long
I better not feel I better not touch
Did you ever know me when you’re out there
When you’re everywhere being sold

Burning inside
What it’s always going to be
Every time I try it never seems to work out
Every time it bleeds but it never falls apart
Put yourself aside because I know you wont

Don’t wait I know you don’t care
What I have left is all about you
The feelings I cry the moments you lie
Anticipate and manifest what you hide
Did you ever know that God is cold
I better not say I better not see
Did you ever know temptations so strong when you’re a whore
All alone

Burning inside
What it’s always going to be
Every time I try it never seems to work out
Every time it bleeds but it never falls apart
Put yourself aside because I know you wont

Black my days
Your eyes my life
Crawl into pathetic dreams
It doesn’t really change a thing
Your skies are round
Just die
Or should I be the one to die
I always thought
You were the one
Security the power and lies
But now I see
You’re not just that

tears and dreams

Written By: silkky21

Tears and dreams

We live inside
And we live outside
And we live to live and we love to fly
They stare at me
Some will stare at me will stare and laugh their lives away
All of my fears
All you will do is leave
All you see
You’re inside of me

All that you fear is me
All you will do is leave
All you see
You’re inside of me

I stay inside
And I stay outside
So please believe that I love your eyes
They turn on me
Some will turn on me will turn to laugh right in my face
All of my fears
All you will do is leave
All you see
You’re inside of me

All that you fear is me
All you will do is leave
All you see
You’re inside of me

If god would let us live without a day that just doesn’t hurt
I’ll part the ocean in half and hell will have to let us through
To walk right through
Your promise land
Your promise land

All that you fear is me
All you will do is leave
All you see
You’re inside of me

All you see you’re inside of me

ignored

Written By: silkky21

Ignored

Must I feel just like you
It’s ok I’ll shove it all back to you
Closing and no one cares
I’m not looked for but that’s ok
If God was dead I’d be ok
Plants that talk bleed just like you
I’m waiting out there in the rain
Now I know it’s all complete
I’m thinking
I’m blinking
It’s scary
Ignored

There’s got to be someone that’s not you
There’s got to be something you are blind

Never thought it would be this way
My thoughts just start to play with me
I found it so far away
Tell me what I’m suppose to mean
Scars inject my mind in days
Build me a new face and make it grey
Crossing heads to be brave just like you
Insects come to me now
I’m thinking
I’m blinking
It’s scary
Ignored

There’s got to be someone that’s not you
There’s got to be something you are blind

Look at me I’m such a fool
I went to hell now I know now it lends
And I gave all I tried doesn’t matter now
You don’t care I’m alone
Yes you do

Discography

Off White-released 2007