Evil Kangaroo

Evil Kangaroo

 Tampere, Ostrobothnia, FIN
BandRockCabaret

"The wildly confusing and madly interesting rock theater managed by Evil Kangaroo is like the lost link between the 1970's fanatically progressive music and fusion noise, over the era of disco and punk that eventually ruined the former, and the most recent serious pop playing." A.Alanen "This is the kind of manic blasting a crowd might even forget about drinking and socializing for a while." "The concept is like Mike Patton driven manic, conducting a midsize performance theater." Sue Magazine

Biography

Before reading any further we suggest you open another page on your browser to hit Music, press PLAY for any given track and lay back...

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Evil Kangaroo has the honor to present Agent John Hello! Led to his secret position only by looks, John fights the evil with all goodness of his heart. And that ain't always much.

John Hello first came to life in 2004 on a four track experimental recording Agent Hello in The Port of the Evil Kangaroo revealing how Hello first ended up as an agent and how he eventually took victory over his future arch enemy, the mysterious and evil Goodbye. The story guides our hero through comic tragedy ending up on a boat of love and the white sands of paradise...

In 2008 the story continued on an ambitious, privately produced album, Agent Hello in Goodbye's Sober Day. In this sequel John is forced to leave paradise to follow the voice of his heart. He finds himself from the forlorn Port of the Evil Kangaroo and finally, by plotting and scheming, from the edge of Earth and fires of hell. An evil eye makes life a burden!

With the orchestra taking part in the scheming, the outcome is something of a spectacle. A mix of genres with a twist of musical comedy, being a tribute to the works of art we've absorbed and that we cherish. Something that in our visions is not merely a musical act, but an entire play with a thrilling plot!

The finale of the trilogy holds the title Agent Hello in the Dead Man's Arms and is scheduled for release by the end of the 10's. In this episode the plot flares up. What has been presented as an agent story, a tragic comedy, a love story, a cheap horror story or a rock cabaret, is essentially a tale of what the world may become if we won't get along with all kinds: the living, the dead, the undead,... and the chlorophyl. It is a tale of the son of the devil and his urge for ultimate evil power to wipe out the mistake called life, leaving the unlikely heroes, the agent without a cause and his kick-ass muse, to attempt saving what is left to be saved. There will be no heavens, nor paradises nor hells to retreat into!

While listening through the sample tracks, we recommend you take time to check out the Press items for reviews and other evil stuff. From Lyrics under Overview you will find the whole manuscript for parts 1 and 2!

Whenever you need a secret agent, and John in specific, call the shoe (at Facebook)! Same goes for purchasing the albums. We're in Spotify and LastFM.

Lyrics

Act I Agent Management [Part 1: Agent Hello in the Port of the Evil Kangaroo]

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

(Introduction. Johnny, sitting in a comfy old sofa, anctious to share his story…)

[The director]
1,2, we’re rolling, go ahead Mr. private eye

[Johnny]
Goday, I’m glad you’re all here to hear my story
Imagine this:

It was just a regular day and I was just a regular guy
A spy though
I died once, or maybe I died twice,
but now my life is all pride and glory

I’m a private eye, well-to-do, -thought-of, quite well-worn too
But that’s pretty darn good for being a memento mori

You see,
I’m this agent, bad-ass
Ooh, and I love jazz
Lying on a pavement they found me by the Jazz Club,
where I couldn’t finish my last cup

[Them]
Hey, this fellow has the looks for a spy!

[Johnny]
And they wouldn’t care if I happened to die

Now in these alleys I hide,
inside the doubt and its shadow
To find the slyly disguised,
allied with the master mind

~~~~~

He looks like an agent
He walks like an agent
He talks like an agent
He smells like the agent in laundry detergent
exploding the dirt off your suit
Ooh, that suit is so shiny and smooth
Buy three, and get one for free
Your neighbour agrees, this one is good!

He looks like an agent
He certainly walks like an agent
He talks like an agent
He seems like an agent who’s jaunty and patient
Those flames deep in his eyes
prove the fact that the Regime denies:
Agents are made out of wood
And that ain’t a lie, to tell you the truth

He looks like an agent
He walks like an agent
He talks like an agent
He cooks like an agent, so seasoned and cheap
When rest of the town is asleep
He is taking the form of a sheep
and blends in the shadows and dust
Where alleys are dark and flashlight is a must

~~~~~

[Johnny]
So that´s me in brief
Used to make me grief how they stole my own will
But perhaps this is better than lying on the pavement still

I probably would’ve tried to find a way out, if I had known better
The day was coming near and I hadn’t even prepared a letter]

"Dear mother, now that I’m gone
go on to read this letter
It’s time I told you that I’m your son
And I wonder whether
we could’ve had one chance
some time to spend together
I give you all that was mine,
my fine old agent sweater”

(Yours, John)

Act II Hello vs. Goodbye

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

(The supposedly regular day)

[Johnny]
I'm not nervous, OK!
I'm locating a robber
Who somehow got away

It's not my usual style
I just forgot to shave

(Johnny forgot to shave.)

[Johnny]
Did someone call me a yellow
It doesn't fit the scheme
Cause I am agent Hello
and someone's following me
What the heck am I saying?
Is this guy spying me?
I'm the one who should spy him
This is my spying theme

(Johnny being chased and running for his foolish life!)

[Johnny's mind]
Do-wee-do-abba…
...she's my cooler
Gotta be Bob who said no-one could ever fool her

Gotta be Bob who said no-one could ever rule her
Gotta be mob whose tool wed the one
to ever move my heart
I started drinking tea
I drank a cup and cried a sea

I can't wait to see where my feet are taking me
My only hope is irrationality
I couldn't help but flee
I couldn't help but pee

I don't like the feeling of being kicked
I never have seen a man this gigantic
This guy is twice the size of me
His eye more like the size of me

I don't like the tone of the bell
I'm begging, spare me from the toll of the hell
He's forcing me to drink a cold coffee
He'll whack me and he'll break my knee

Feel my soul and my mind
leave organs behind
I should have resigned
God, save me, be kind

(Johnny experiences near death #1.)

[Johnny's mind]
Um, hello, what the heck
Pain in the neck
Get up Hello
Pain in the whole fellow

[Goodbye]
Hear me prisoner Cello
You've been caught by Goodbye

[Johnny]
Well, my name is not Cello
Cello's another spy

[Goodbye]
So what hell are you saying?
That I have caught the wrong guy?
There's no time for playing
I want to know how and why

[Johnny]
Well, Cello's made of lumber
which makes him a real spy
There´s only flesh in this chamber
What can I say Goodbye

(Johnny is rudely kicked out of Goodbye's ghastly chamber.)

Act III Jazz, His Favourite

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

Act III Jazz, His Favourite

(Johnny subconsciously finds the way to his haunt.)

[Johnny's mind]
Phew, that was close
Well, back to basics
If only I could bear the stare of those drunken hicks

[Rich]
Where have you been joker?
We've played many rounds of poker
betting even the laces of your left shoe!

[A man]
You won't last long Johnny, you'll get shot,
and she won't miss you!

[Johnny]
Yeah...
Well I don't have any laces in my left shue Rich!
And what comes to that bitch...
Give me a vodka martini Burt

[Burt]
Stirred?

[Johnny]
Aaw, forget it, make it a whisky, straight up
Dude, you've got a shitty pub!

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Hey you, macho man!

[Johnny's mind]
Oo, What a lovely frase
Mm-maybe I forgive her for her pretty face

[Ms. Lovegoat]
May I introduce myself, Ms. Lovegoat at your service

[Johnny]
Right
Hello, John Hello
So tell me, Ms. Lovegoat,
what is a fine lady like you doing in this rathole?
This place is for pirates and a few spys that hover
and you're neither, unless you're undercover

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Well I'm sorry for not wearing a mustache like you,
you stupid ass
I'm an agent too,
so listen to me unless you have something better to do

They killed Cello!

[Johnny]
What?!

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Yeah, Hello!
As Goodbye was tailing you, Cello was tailing Goodbye
They used you as a decoy to catch him
and Cello saw you die

[Johnny]
Well I think I did
Poor kid
And now it's too late
So I was just a bait, ha?

[Ms. Lovegoat]
John, it wasn't supposed to go that way!
But tell me,
what did you say to make Goodbye let you escape?

[Johnny]
That I'm not made of wood like you real spys

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Then how do you explain those flames in your eyes?

[Johnny]
Yeeeah, there was this babe, she lit my fire
They're the flames of my desire

[Ms. Lovegoat]
John, it should've been you instead of Cello,
but now the Regime and I need you to nail that evil fellow

[Johnny]
Gee, thanks for the cheer, but I'd rather have a beer
What's it for you anyway?

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Cello was my brother, OK!
He took a bullet trying to save your sorry ass
and someone has to pay!
You owe it to him
Oh, and the Regime sent you this album full of nasty brass

[Johnny]
God damn girl, this is some classy jazz!
I'm sorry for your brother
I don't know what I would do if someone killed my mother
She's all I've got
And you know what?
Come on, Ms. Lovegoatovegoat, we need to find this boat!

Act IV All Aboard!

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

(Goodbye chilling out on his boat, happy to having nailed Cello.
Johnny and Lovegoat approaching...)

[Goodbye's mind]
I love my evil eye

[Johnny]
Oh, what a lovely ear ring
I find you very appealing
Feel my body is healing
So may I lay my...

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Hands off, you!

[Johnny]
Please stop interfering,
cause I've gotta do some steering
We're heading towards a pier in the Port of the Evil Kangaroo

How do we cross that basin?
I'm hearing applause raising
That circus is amazingly close to the pier
I'm hiding you under my coat and we'll sneak in

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Oh, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

[The bouncer]
Hey mister, you need to register!
What's under your trench coat?

[Johnny]
Oh nothing, just my friendly French goat

[Goodbye's mind]
I won, my foe died
I love my evil eye

[The ringmaster]
Ladies and gentlemen!
The Flying Spy and his goat!

(John The Flying Spy and his goat crash through the ceiling
of Goodbye's chill-out boat!)

[Johnny]
I've had enough of peering
I'll sling you through the ceiling
I'm raging and I'm pealing
like monks in the city on Kathmandu

I have met my peer in this battle
My end is nearing
Now honey, I need some cheering
He's glaring me like mad men do

This devil is only heating
All I can do is breathe in
Go find a disco beating
and we'll be done in a heartbeat
I can't feel my heart beat
I can't feel my heart
Why, why, why, why?

(Johnny experiences near death #2.)

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Die, die, die, die

(Lovegoat comes to rescue with a solid beat!)

[Johnny]
Can you feel the beating?
Yeah, it's beating for you, future wife
You saved my life
and now this devil is heating

But Goodbye may be cheating
Most likely he will mend
Cause always in the end
there's the same old freekin' switcheroo

[Johnny's mind]
Right when I needed to hit the loo

[Goodbye]
Die!

[Johnny]
Die!

[Goodbye]
Die!

[Johnny]
Die!

[Goodbye]
Die!

[Johnny]
Die!

[Goodbye]
Die!

[Johnny]
Die!!

I hate your evil eye
I want your eye to cry
Die, die, die, die, cry, cry, cry, cry!!!

[Goodbye]
Look what you've done to my perfectly evil eye!
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why??

(The evil eye ogles no more.)

[Johnny]
Mmmm, happiness and joy
Oh boy!
Ahoy!
You're lovely Ms. Lovegoatovegoat
Why don't we sail this boat to the sunrise

Oh, in Eden we'd land
White and hot sand
To find our under cover paradise
Where we could strip off the disguise
Wear only leaf
You'd be my Eve

[The captain]
Dear passengers
This is your captain speaking
Welcome on board the boat of love
We'll be floating above the clouds like a dove
Our destination is a land of peace and harmony,
cheese, Chardonnay,
fruits of passion,
modest fashion,
a pub,
a jazz club
Oh, and a band

The End

Act I Sir Sweatalot [Part 2: Agent Hello in Goodbye's Sober Day]

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

[Goodbye's mind]
So you sweat a lot, Sir Sweatalot
It's burning my eye and I love it a lot
when you sweat a lot, Sir Sweatalot
Your stink defies death and oblivion

Cause I can see, I can see the darkness…

Six feet below, rotting slow
Lies one I, at six
Three feet lower, at minus nine
right below mine is a grave full of swine
at minus nine, a man with an odor
perspiring still, though one cannot get colder
He's burning my eye, the eye of beholder,
making me moan as I molder
in this underground prison, gaining back vision
and memories from the port of perdition

Hello! I'm awake, you yellow!
I'm returning from six feet below
to haunt you by the dint of Herman
One fat, hapless and badly dubbed German

[The story of Herman]
In a private round table he knew he was able
to finish one burger with only one bite
His mission in life was to prove it ain't fable
to live a good life without going on a diet

He ate the Burt's Burger and choked on an onion
Kicked the spit bucket to hurt an old bunion
Cursed all the veggies that weren't sliced up
and dropped dead on his gigantic butt

They called him Sweatalot, Sir Sweatalot
Used to eat ham, jam and Spam a lot
Brave Sir Sweatalot, he would sweat a lot
Now he's oozing the juice of an onion

[The story of Johnny]
Five years ago, high in libido
lies one John en la Playa del Cielo
Four years later, plus minus one,
his girl has gone
John what have you done?

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Did you have enough fun?
Were you stroked by the sun to become such a rakehell?
Does it ring you a bell?
With no care for the morrow nor hell

[Johnny]
Oh but hon, how come should I've been a rake
if I had no-one else there to take?

And I'm not gonna lie on a beach in a Speedo
Just because you got sick of Manchego

and bit the apple so fresh and fruity
to object to being a nudie
Girl, you used to be so damn cute!
Please get nude to be the old cutie
Com'on baby, you're so funky
Wanna let me be your donkey?
Gimme banana, cause I wanna swing like that monkey!

(John goes libertine!)

[Ms. Lovegoat]
I think I hate you Johnny
All you want is to hump like a bunny
I miss the times
when me and my brother were preventing crimes

So say goodbye to your goat!
She's sailing away in a boat

[Johnny's mind]
She's sailing away
She's sailing away

Just bit the fruit yesterday
and now she's sailing away

All of the island is gray
I'm feeling astray

And all my tan is gone with the sun

So I ain't gonna rise
I don't think it would be wise
It's just another day for me in paradise
I don't think I wanna wake up
Didn't want to break up
I'm about to break and paralyze

Get my head out of the sand just to hear the blues band
With the bottle in my hand I realize
it ain't a bottle it's a shaft of a paddle under liferaft
Lying on the sand I burst in laughter
I'm going after!

What's gray becomes bright!

[Goodbye]
And days become night!!

So you sweat a lot!
(Danke Herman sehr!)

Act II The Eyeland Express

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

[The Ladies' Man]
Sweet Ladies, please give our son a bit of a guidance
He's slightly off the course

[The Ladies]
Swaying on a swell seemingly unwell
Feeling sick and heaving to a shell
Darling do you hear, don't wanna bend your ear
but John T. you've been paddling for a year

Let us pave your ways, guide you through the days
In case not having whale of time bailing through the waves
Sure you love the sport, but let us steer you slightly starboard
and turn the weather clear, so you will find it to the port

Lay aside the bailer, navigate by star
Come on, be the sailor that you are
Swing your paddle briskly, boy you're looking good
Being bronzed and frisky as you should

From the bird's eye view, looking down on you
(From the bird's eye view this scene is totally worth the money)
Like Rob Crusoe you look so good
(Taking after Crusoe you look awfully handsome honey)
Baby baby, yeah
(Take it day by day, blithely as you may)
Ooh, Mr. Crusoe used to looked so good
(Let us see that smiley face, doing a okay)

John you're a good boy, but way above your head
(John you've been a good boy, but you're way above your head)
Look up to your former life instead
(We commend you to enjoy your former life instead)
Sure it would be nice to have it always sunny
(Sure it would be nice to live where life is always sunny)
Without cunning life wouldn't be funny
(Though without some cunning one's life wouldn't be so funny)

Where art thou Ulysses, dreaming of your doe?
(Where art thou Ulysses, dreaming of your Penelope?)
Hiding kisses from your woe
(Hiding kisses deep, in sleep you're dickering with the Moby)
Baby baby, yeah
(While you're busy solving who is wrong and who is right)
Hiding sweet kisses deep for your darling doe
(The port that you once knew so well is heaving to the sight)

[Johnny's mind]
Seagulls are aiming at my forehead
White sharks shoaling, feasting on corpses,
they like 'em fresh and dark red
Morals of this town have shed, it has become a nest for pirates
Coastguards insist to see my licence to fish or they arrest

Shame, what a beautiful town I recollect
I stroll down the Basin Lane
Pain of the citizens ain't hard to detect
Doom is holding the rein

Agents seem to have abandoned the town
before the breakdown
Pavements are flooded by scum from outskirts to downtown
Rodents appear to be tempted by a scent
that ain't eau de cologne
Laments of the people chill me to the bone

I'm home to suspect I've never felt so alone
Roam by the Craving Lane in pain
to reflect all I have ever owned
Cruel to leave me in shame

[Rich]
Hey hey, where have you been joker?

[Johnny]
Rich, Rich Poker, is that you?

[Rich]
Yahoo, we've got an agent around!
We're gonna be saved
Although we thought that he'll get drowned
Now we can waive to be enslaved

Have a trench coat, don't go running round naked
Bear bottomed you will be x-rated

[Johnny]
Now wait a minute!
So you knew that I was coming
How the hell did you know that?
Oh, have you seen my love o'loving?
On a boat, you know, the goat?
Well, do you know where she is at
or I will swing you with a bat?

[Rich]
Oh he's so bright!
He's gonna save us, alright
He knows this devilry the best
and holds the motives in his chest

One year ago she came to Burt's, saying how it hurts
that she left you a raft, sobbing the words

She was a sad girl
So much love in a sad sad girl
Seeing her brother a lot

[Johnny]
And then what?

[Rich]
Well, have you seen the Thriller?
We believe he wants you
So they won't kill her
before he kills you

[Johnny's mind]
"Does it ring you a bell?"
They never said farewell
This smell is wafting from the hilltop graveyard
And once you hop to the vanguard baby
you can't stop, so run hard!

(Evil guffaw from the past. John losing his breath.)

~~~~~

Racing with the rodents
Breathing in flies

~~~~~

[Johnny's mind]
The stench is getting hefty
it's draining my eyes
Nearly every grave is empty
Death is on the rise
The source of the stench
is the one of Goodbye's!!
It's graver than I thought
a lot graver than it ought to!

Petrified, horrified, terrified, shocked!
Right next to thee brother C., R.I.P. and rot
Written in blood there's a note saying:
"Boo! I have your goat, now whatcha gonna do?"

(Flashback from the graveyard.)

[Goodbye]
Who are you, what am I,
balling with one single eye?
I'm gonna chop you, you're gonna fry!
But aren't we acquainted?
Don't be shy!

[Ms. Lovegoat]
Help me!!!

~~~~~

Resurrecting corpses
Coffin lids pried by putrefying forces
Onioneyezed
Tricks among treats, you'll be surprised!

Act III Tango para una

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

[Johnny]
Eras mi cabra de amor
pero yo el más grande cabrón
Por tu culpa me he vuelto misogino
Siento que te odio, pero un ser humano
decidico soy tambien yo

Ahora que tú te has ido
entiendo que gran cerdo he sido
¿Te fuiste por tu propia voluntad?
¡Vuelve!, o pierdo mis ganas, tus lanas y mi dignidad

Sin tí no puedo levantarme ni vivir con calma
Al alba amanece el sol negro como mi alma
Ya no me queda esperanza ni alegría
Este es el tango para una, que parte el corazón

Que me muerdan los perros y coman las ratas
No tengo a nadie que me cocine las patatas
Desposarme contigo era mi anhelo
El sueño celeste, me lo arrancaste como un rizo de pelo

Lloré

[Goodbye]
Que te muerdan los perros y coman las ratas
No tienes a nadie que te cocine las patatas
Esposarte a su cama era tu anhelo
tu sueño mojado, pelo arrancado
te lo robé

Ahora bailo con ella un tango tan hermoso

[Johnny]
Este es el tango para una,
la única cosa mía, llena de agonía

¿A quién le toca el turno?
Me tengo que ir
Mi nombre es agente Hola y quiero morir
Pero primero me voy a local para terminar
una copa no muy larga, última, amarga
que por fin me va a salvar

Act IV Escapegoat

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

[Goodbye]
Now that we've come to be so close
You, me, and the guys
Hope you don't mind asking
How it feels to face demise?

If we cannot lure your groom
you will be digging your own tomb
(Create a womb)
You'll be my bride in afterlife

[Ms. Lovegoat]
No, I don't mind you asking
If you don't mind my reprise
Wouldn't dig it in a lifetime
Let me loose if you are wise

Got a black belt in disco dance
hence I can simply beat your goons
Won't stand a chance, so watch your moons!

(Smack! Whack! Kaboom! Crack!)

[Ms. Lovegoat's mind]
Free, but where are we? (Where are we?)
How far? (Far!)
In a railroad car

Hop on roof and skip towards engine
Sky is clear and the night is most engaging
Playing catch
You're it

[Goodbye]
No you're it

[Ms. Lovegoat]
You're it

[Goodbye]
No you're it

Now let's play hide and seek
Remember not to peek

Just imagine how romantic
We'd be rotting cheek to cheek
Oh, how I'd love to see you frantic

[Ms. Lovegoat]
I say, Goodbye you're a geek!

Wouldn't marry you for any price
besides your breath cranks out a reek
that I can't stand
So count and seek

[Goodbye]
1, 2,… 18,… hundred, coming!

[Ms. Lovegoat's mind]
Hush, lie quietly (Quiet!)
Hide away (Hush)
Don't rush to speak

Wait awhile
Run a mile, it's time to get away
Hop off train unless you wanna stay
No!
Men are giving me a headache

[Goodbye]
Here little goatee!
Let's not play hide and seek

[Ms. Lovegoat's mind]
Yeah!
Let's Play Catch with the Freak
at 10 on Thursday every week

(Whack! Crack! Kaboom! Zap!)

(Lovegoat manages to escape.)

Act V Rockabilly the Sid

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

[Johnny's mind]
Oh, this pain in the head
I must be dead

My mouth feels sticky as a licorice stick
I'm urging for grease and a swig

[Johnny]
Hey bartender, please be tender
and pour me a swig with a kick

[Sid]
Don't be a dick
I've had enough of your sass
you're worse than a tick to my ass

She has dragged you for hours
with all half horse powers
sick and tired of your bawl

Silence is best
I'm the fastest in west
Better leave off picking a brawl

[Johnny]
Well I'm sorry son
but my memory's gone
Please sum up what I can't recall

[Sid]
Last night while shepherding sheep
a black sheep was singing in sleep
then started to talk
I decided to take it for a long walk

It couldn't stand on its feet
I thought I'd shoot it for meat
but then the night was over
and a sunbeam revealed
this drover had taken you for a sheep

[Johnny]
All fun to know
but I have to go
Romance in a pinch, you see

So hear me kid
thanks for the lift
Now show me a winch and I'll leave

[Sid]
I'm not a kid, I am Billy the Sid
and I think you wanna stick with me

Cause I've been listening your tales
of agents and whales
all end in yearning your hon

One week and two days back
I noticed a track
and I'm sure it was her on the run, John

[Johnny]
Oh really Billy!
I am sorry I've been silly
but how do you know where she's gone?

[Sid]
Because I'm the master of flock
I'm able to trace any stock
She's traveling inland
I can taste it in windblown sand

We have to race against clock
That desert is vaster than luck
Set course across the pasture
To be able to ride a bit faster
Hop on my horse and let's rock!

~~~~~

Like a blast, riding as fast
One's got the skills and one's got the lash

There goes John and there goes Bill
riding cross a valley and hill
By the mountain and past the mill
as far as the shallows

Until there's a god damn dam and an ol' n' bald beaver
Ooh, what a shivering jam
They're gonna cross that river and face the old beaver
Bill's gonna show what he can

He's a canny gunman and always awake
Fairly faster than a snake
Hear the dam quake and a rattle snake shake
The beaver has made a mistake

~~~~~

[Johnny's mind]
Instead of a swig I got a Sid with a kick!
Billy the Treaver
Billy the Quick!

[Johnny]
Hey Sid, I must confess
I'm being truly impressed

Highly honor all you can master
Myself, I am a mess

[Sid's mind]
Poor bastard
Just keep it smooth
If only he'd know the truth

That night while stealing sheep
a black sheep was singing in sleep
then started to talk
I decided to take it for a long walk

It couldn't stand on its feet
I thought I'd shoot it for meat
but then the night was over
and a sunbeam revealed
this thief had taken an agent for sheep!

~~~~~

Meet John T. Hello and Billy the Sid
as Cassidy and Sundance Kid
Riding the night like Bonnie and Clyde
Drowsing with one open lid

~~~~~

[Sid]
Giddy up Johnny
let's save you honey!
We've got no time to dwell

[Sid's mind]
I'd bet there's a bounty set on your head
and on your lady as well!

~~~~~

Billy the Sweet
Billy make friends
Billy the Neat
Billy pretends

Billy the Willy
Billy the Fake
Billy Vanilli
Billy the Snake

Billy the Punk
Billy the Flawed
Billy the Skunk
Billy the Fraud

Billy the Slick
Billy the Prick
Billy the wily outlawed

Act VI Miles Davis Slapped Me

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

(How the hell did we get from tango to rockabilly? Let’s ask Miles.)

[The hostess]
Welcome to the Club
So pleased to have you here
to witness the lifeless atmosphere

Premiering tonight we've got a guest
who's back from being laid to rest
Once spastic
Enthusiastic
the comeback crew of the King of Blue
Fantastic "Kind of Debut"

(Johnny enters the club.)

That last cup, it seems, been followed by a backup or couple

[Johnny]
Gimme a whisky with a twist, straight up, and make it quadruple

I'm sure you don't mind me soaking
my brain until I choke
This brain don't need no provoking
It might as well have a stroke

~~~~~

"It's time for break
Well done Miss Steak!
He wouldn't care less

What a mess from being a jolly good rake
He's being careless

You're still a dish and used to waking thin and flawless

It's time for break for your own sake
He's being less

Now what you see is just a debris of what used to be
Wouldn't care anymore
Couldn't bare it anymore"

~~~~~

[Johnny]
You singing 'bout me?
You're pushing my poor self-esteem
I'm still an agent for Regime!

And I'm not gonna shed another tear...

[Johnny's mind]
Hold on a moment, what do I hear?

If that ain't Miles
then who is this guy blowing old styles?
My goodness, my oh...

I could've bet I saw Jones
These tones are starting to gel
drumsticks and trombones of bones
Now this is jazz from hell!

~~~~~

It's time to play
Go on Coltrane
He's being obsessed

Let jazz enthrall and save your soul
from being distressed

Red G., Paul C. and Cannonball
all playing abreast

Grooving well
Just let it roll
Even after years of rest

~~~~~

[Miles]
Now what you see ain't just a debris of what used to be
Go collect your gear
Return to the living and live with a cheer!

[Johnny]
But I'm so pleased to have me here

[Miles]
Boy, don't go causing a strife!
You must blend in the shadows and dust
Go out and find your lust for life!

[Johnny]
My future wife!
Mission to bust that evil lowlife!
I thank, and bid you adieu!

[The bartender]
But John, your flashlight...!

(Johnny forgot his flashlight.)

Act VII Tequilized! (la muerte de un pianista)

Written By: Evil Kangaroo

(Back on track.)

[Johnny's mind]
My love is lost in the wasteland
Has nowhere to go and no-one to hold her hand
She will be dazzled by sunlight
It's torrid at day and freezing at midst of the night

Your skin
Your turquoise eyes so bright
make me want to smile on life
to hold you tight
and never let go, of you my love
You're my darling doe

Once dawn I can see in horizon
Town barren of people with one silent steeple for crown
Air quivers in heat
The wind has revealed a land of deceit from her gown

Your cuddle
Your longing kiss
Warm breath and the softest lips
How you nestle in my arms
I've fallen for your charms
your bosom
your hips

This trail through the final frontier
has come to an end for this is the edge of the sphere
And here, through the calm and the silence
I sense a menacing presence of violence

and fear that tears me apart
I'm facing the dare with the truth in my heart
that my part is written above
Then through my distress hear a bell playing the SOS of love

[Ms. Lovegoat's mind]
Ooo mi agente,
no consiguío perderse en el yermo
Él vino a por mí a caballo!
¿Pero cómo lo hizo
sin sentido de orientación?

Cordero mío,
me ha mostrado que no está amando
solamente a su madre y a sí mismo
Oigo un tren llegando
del infierno a la última estación...

(Not only John hears the SOS...)

Ay, que rabia!
Frustrada
He estado corriendo
como alma que lleva el diablo
Estoy cansada
y harta del Señor Adiós!

~~~~~

It is the end of the search
a race to the church
as the day turns black

~~~~~

[Johnny's mind]
Got a gun in my back!

[Johnny]
Even you my...

[Sid]
Call me a son once more and you're sterilized!

~~~~~

Like the Good, the Bad, the Bold and the Beautiful
Close-ups are sad and ugly

~~~~~

[Sid]
Hand me their bounty in gold
and I'll wave goodbyes

[Goodbye]
Just kill 'em both, I don't mind
Got no gold for the blind
I am the Death, and hate to be advised!

[Johnny]
Let's raise the stakes
I own a claim
I challenge you to a poker game of your death and lives
I'm betting the paradise!

[Goodbye]
Fine!
I'll bet your eyes, I'll bet your lives
Bet your gold and I'll bet the sunrise
I'll make the Eden fall
once you are neutralized!

~~~~~

In a saloon filled with remains
of a dust-up and broken panes
John is winning, yeah
Got Poker's coat
Pour spirits down their throat

The game goes on from dawn till dusk
before one of the four players bust

~~~~~

[Goodbye]
It's Goodbye's sober day
and you are tequilized!

You've got five aces Mr. Johnny
How's that funny?

[Johnny]
Cunning is.

[Goodbye]
I'll take the claim, I have the right
Sam, play it again, let's have a fight
All the dead, we have the right!

(The skeletons assault and an ancient dustup continues.)

Hey John before more fussing
you ought to know I'm your cousin
I wasn't always this evil

My last name was the same yours
But somehow pa got bitter and coarse
He was my very first rival

~~~~~

Taken aback by meeting his kin
John drops by a hit in his chin
Caught between hammer and anvil

No use for being the fastest in west
Billy the Sid is shot in the chest
and Lovegoat is beaten on dance floor

The happy couple is shoved in a train
and brought beyond for terror to reign
Eden is going to fall

Back in saloon the skulls exult
till Sid picks up the scent of a bulb
A pissed off shot from a dead man's gun and Sam is done

(Billy the Pissed kills 'em all and rides through the darkness...)

Discography

Part 1: Agent Hello in the Port of the Evil Kangaroo (2004)
Part 2: Agent Hello in Goodbye's Sober Day (2008)
Part 3: Agent Hello in the Dead Man's Arms (To be released...)

Characters of the plot:


Hello, John T. - The hapless secret agent, working for the Regime
Mr. Goodbye - The devil himself, working for himself
Ms. Lovegoat - John's wanton muse, one kick-ass agent
Cello - Lovegoat's brother, an agent too
Herman - aka Sir Sweatalot, a German high-profile eater
Burt - Bartender-Owner of Burt's
Poker, Rich - Cardsharp
Billy the Sid - The mysterious master of flock
Davis, Miles - Jazz musician, deceased
Sam - A pianist at the edge of the world, deceased
Sweet Ladies - Sweet indeed
John's mom - Long lost
Bob - Who's bob? Yet to be revealed...


(Copyright Evil Kangaroo)

Set List

Years ago we used to play sets of some 45 minutes to hour and a half depending on the venue. Now the vision is something completely different...