Fashion Tips

Fashion Tips

BandRock

Fashion Tips are less a band and more a force of nature; that being if nature had an interest in babes and pizza. The sounds they create could be described as Thundercracks and Party Incarnate. After unleashing this aural force they leave in their wake an audience full of euphoria and boners.

Biography

Welcome to the Fashion Tips Revolution.

The entity we now know as FASHION TIPS was born on a small island on the Mississippi River. The island, dubbed Aantrekkelijke Vrouwen Stad by Dutch settlers in the early 19th century, was adjacent to Hannibal and divided down the middle by the state lines of Ohio and Missouri.

To this day, speculation remains as to what happened on the night FASHION TIPS were commandeered into existence. Initially, citizens of Hannibal as well as several crewmen of THE SILVER TEAR, a riverboat heading to St. Louis, reported hearing strange noises and a neon glow illuminating from both banks of the Island. The noises were described as sounding like feedback, but of an almost pleasurable nature. Local farmers and veterinarians also reported a massive influx in pet and livestock births; all of which survive to this day with the exception of one cow that was slaughtered in May of last year. The meat of the beast was discovered to be an aphrodisiac of such potency that a study at John Hopkins University is now underway; findings thus far are inconclusive. Unfortunately, the owner of the cow and the butcher who slaughtered the animal now suffer from two unique strains of consumption that affect their tear ducts and bowels respectively.

Even under close scrutiny by citizens and local law enforcement agencies, no one was seen coming or leaving the island after the initial reports. When the Island was swept the following day, no trace of FASHION TIPS was found; save for several discarded bags of chips and an antique barrel full of cigarette butts, pizza crusts and several bearcats (a species indigenous to Southeast Asia and one banned by both Ohio and Missouri legislation). It was noted that the bearcats seemed to be severely inebriated; their movements unsteady and their hisses slurred. The tactical team also reported several inscriptions of WE RULE THE SCHOOL and various permutations sprayed painted on rock, fauna and birds. No empties were discovered.

The initial investigation was cut short however, as several team members noticed the quickly rising shoreline accompanied by instances of loud rumbling (initially attributed to a nearby Civil War Recreation, but later attributed to explosives). Before any evidence could be recovered, the team abandoned the island as the water swiftly over took them. After several hours, it became apparent that the island itself was sinking. Investigators would later find traces of dynamite in the wake. The Hannibal City Council nearly broached bankruptcy with attempts to dredge the river, however the mayor received an anonymous donation in the form of a novelty oversized cheque, which effectively saved the town from financial collapse.

The oversized cheque was tracked and discovered to be mailed from within the city; prompting local and state authorities to put up blockades on every road in a hundred mile radius around the town limits to no avail. However, the purveyor of a local fireworks stand reported a group of dudes attempting to buy a large quantity of his product with a similar giant cheque. He claimed they were driving a large purple travel van with the silhouette of two foxy witches making out airbrushed on the right side. The licence plate number, caught by security cameras at a Kansas City soda factory, was registered to a John F. Kennedy, presumably some sort of alias. The van was later found in the factory, submerged in a vat of Dr. Pepper. Again, no traces of FASHION TIPS were found, aside from several bikinis, later understood as belonging to the daughter of the soda factory owner as well as several of her friends from the local all female university. They refuse to speak about the matter, only responding in blushing and giggling.

Investigators continued their search for the perpetrators of largest case of geographical vandalism in US history for several years until the cause was given up due to lack of any physical description, cooperative witnesses or even a coherent narrative of what exactly happened. In fact, most citizens of Hannibal regard FASHION TIPS as folk heroes, the popular sentiment being that Aantrekkelijke Vrouwen Stad was obtrusive, too hard to spell, and full of rattlesnakes and goats too mean for the rattlesnakes to bother with. The case was closed, until now.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Fashion Tips Revolution.

Lyrics

Don't Tell The Dean

Written By: Fashion Tips

1:45 on a Friday afternoon.
The weekend is looming
Yeah, but itÕs not too soon.
Eyes start to glaze
While the teacher still talks
But then the bell rings
Cause we changed all the clocks!

(Chorus)
DonÕt Tell the Dean
DonÕt Tell the Dean
DonÕt Tell the Dean
DonÕt Tell the Dean

DonÕt Tell The Dean!

The quad is full of
Co-eds in short skirts
TheyÕre hitting on me so hard
That it hurts.
So we go for a ride
We take it so far
But donÕt tell the dean
Because itÕs his car!

(Chorus)

Biology class
Yeah man, itÕs the pits.
So we sneak in some beer.
Sneak in some chips.
Distract the professor
With a fake case of small pox
Drab labÕs a party
Fashion Tips on the boom box!

The DeanÕs on to us
WeÕve got a constant surveillance
He said heÕs gonna kick us out
HeÕs gonna call our parents
So we will his office
Full of hookers and drugs
Take some pictures
Now the Dean works for us!

We rule the school!
We rule the school!
We rule the school!
We. Rule. The. School!

Cute Girls On Bikes

Written By: Fashion Tips

Everybody knows I donÕt like to walk
Everybody knows I canÕt talk all that well.
But when weÕre on these two wheels
Baby you and me are gonna
Raise a little bit of Hell.

Everybody knows that I like.
Everybody knows that I like.
Everybody knows that I like
Cute Girls on Bikes.

I went down to the Canadian Tire
You were checking out the CCMÕs
It blew my brain.
Well you better get a Kryptonite lock hun
Cause this Superman is lovinÕ your frame.

Environmental Dracula

Written By: Fashion Tips

Nestled Ôneath the Transylvanian moon
Lie burly men in slumber
As Dracula creeps
Tres discreet
To plunder the plunderers of lumber.

(Chorus)
HeÕs stalking in the night
DraculaÕs coming
Looking to bite
HeÕs with nature in the fight
HeÕs doing wrong
For something right!

The camp erupts with sounds of torture
Dracula has struck
With his fangs long
The foreman writes his future widow
ÒDracula has spoken
We have done wrong.Ó

(Chorus)

Dracula Dracula
Screams my soul
Dracula Dracula
Rock and Roll
Dracula Dracula
Twist and Shout
Dracula Dracula
WhatÕs this song about?

ÒOur Future!Ó

D-R-A-C-U-L-A
Dracula Dracula
Here to stay.

D-R-A-C-U-L-A
Dracula Dracula
U-S-A!

Discography

Fashion Tips EP (Self-Released)
We Control The Banks EP(Self-Released)
We Rule The School EP (In Progress)

Set List

1. Peterborough Frankenstein
2. Cute Girls on Bikes
3. Wacky Cat
4. Space Wars
5. Environmental Dracula
6. Love Bug
7. Construct Loving Man
8. Babe City 2000
9. Basketball
10. Don't Tell The Dean
11. Silver Tears
12. Love Bug
13. Drink a Coke
14. Hamburger Knights