Fat Tortoise Butcher

Fat Tortoise Butcher


We are a punk/metal/thrash band. Our lyrics are humorous. Our stage shows are interacting with the crowd on a regular basis. We have quirky stage antics that include some very memorable, but tasteful (depending on your taste) live performances.


Our influences are to wide to mention. What sets us apart from other bands is that we have fun with crowd and one song is deliberately different from the next.


Willy Licked My Twizzler

Written By: James Sain

Willy Licked My Twizzler

I gave Willy my Twizzler
And what’d he do?
He stuck out his tongue
And licked all over it
Hairball infested
Sandpaper tongue
He thought he was cute

Willy Licked My Twizzler (X4)

What’s he want?
For him to die?
I thought it was his time
For him to cry
I don’t know why
Cause he licked my twizzler

Hey man did you pick out that shirt yourself?
Do you want a flower with that?
Plant it in your asshole

(Chorus X2)

Hey man I gave you my Twizzler
And what’d you do?
You hacked up a furball
And spit all over it
What the hell were you thinking?

(Chorus X4)

Blood Makes Sufficient Lubricant

Written By: James Sain

Blood Makes Sufficient Lubricant

What do you mean?
Dry muff, onion ring
Feels much better
Lathered in crimson cream

First thrust is dry
Control denied
Just cause you don’t want it
Doesn’t mean I can’t try


Ripped off them jeans
I like to hear you scream
Feels much better
Resistance makes me ream

First thrust was dry
I know you want it twice
You’ll feel much better
Release the pressure


I want to give you thanks
For owning this muscle
That I now take

I know
You liked it too
Your blood flows much gratitude

I……… Love You

I know you love me to
You want me more
For what I did to you

You don’t deserve this
Pleasure in you
Taste this
I inject in you



As Fat As We Wanna Be (DEMO)
Wanna Flower With That?

Set List

We have a setlist of 20 to 30 songs. We can play as long or as short as we're allowed.