Harlan Cohen

Harlan Cohen

 Chicago, Illinois, USA

Harlan Cohen is a NY Times bestselling author, nationally syndicated advice columnist, and speaker who has visited over 400 college campuses. He's America's Most Trusted College Life Expert and a relationship expert who has helped countless people find love (while fully clothed and totally sober).


Harlan Cohen is a New York Times bestselling author, a nationally syndicated advice columnist, and a speaker who has visited over 400 college campuses.

He is the "Naked" author of five books including, The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College. The Naked Roommate: For Parents Only, and Dads Pregnant Too!. His newest book, Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober) was recently released by St. Martins Press. Harlan's expert advice has been featured in The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Seventeen Magazine, Psychology Today and in hundreds of newspapers across the country. He is a frequent guest on television and radio programs and has recently appeared on the Today Show. Harlan is the creator of the popular websites helpmeharlan.com, TheNakedroommate.com, and GettingNakedExperiment.com. He is also a singer /songwriter who is best known for They Syphilis Song and My Roommate Stu. Harlan is based in Chicago, Illinois.


The Syphilis Song

Written By: Harlan Cohen

Started the first day I walked in the dorm. The girl was so fine, way out of the norm. She lived on the same floor as me. When here parents left I walked by her room to see.

I knocked in her door. She screamed, "Who's there?" I said, "I'm your neighbor, and I brought some beer." She opened the door in her shorts and a bra. Then invited me in to share a slice of pizza.

CHORUS: It all starts so right, then it goes wrong. It was too good to be true, but I kind of knew.

Ten minutes later, our lips met. She was so turned on, she was a sure bet. Then she moaned, "Oh, take me now." I said, "I'm lacking protection, can't we slow down?"

But then she put her hand upon my knee. And whispered in my ear so lovingly, "I'm on the pill. It's cool. Don't you see? Hold me, touch me, oh take me."

Half hour later, I kissed her good bye. Later that night, I saw her with a new guy. But it didn't matter. No it didn't bother me. Because, oh, this girl fulfilled my fantasy.

CHORUS: It all starts so right, then it goes wrong. It was too good to be true, but I kind of knew.

One week later, it all took a turn. Woke up one morning and it started to burn. Ran to health services, sat there all day. I prayed to God, I'd be okay.

Doctor, what do you see? Oh yes, it burns real bad when I pee. Please tell me it's not an STD. Help me, test me, you'll swab me.

Guess who I saw, waiting back at my place? It was my friendly neighbor with the pretty face. She looked up at me, I said, "What's up Maria?" Then she stopped and said, "I've got gonorrhea." I screamed, "When did you find out? When did you know?" She said, "It's not important, look I gotta go. But one more thing, I should tell you this. I also got, syphilis."

It all started so right, then it went wrong. It was too good to be true, but I kind of knew. I kind of knew. And it could happen to you.


Fortunate Accidents