Jackie Sapphire

Jackie Sapphire

 New York City, New York, USA
BandJazzComedy

DEAN MARTIN meets DANE COOK. Inappropriate- Jackie invented it, but can he spell it? Sweet vocals, swingin' band, & a shakerful of tangy original tunes. Baddabing that can sing. Plus wrap-around shades and a Texas-size pinkie ring. You got a problem with that?

Biography

I ran a club in NYC called Gusto House back in the 80s. Sang in clubs as Lee Nashville, launched Blue Man Group and John Leguizamo. Then I fell for a Tuvan throat singer and moved to Taos and grew sprouts. Now I'm back.

Lyrics

I Have No Shame

Written By: JS

You’re probably wondering why you’re here
There’s plenty of places to grab a beer
Is this guy gonna be any good?
I didn’t come here for the food
Sit back, relax, kick off your shoes
Let me tell you why you came
I have no shame
You got it!
I have no shame

Let me set your mind at ease
I can’t guarantee you’ll like me- Puhleeeaze!
But the thing that really sets me apart
And makes the others seem tame
Is the fact that
I have no shame
That’s right
I have no shame

I got a little bit of taste and a lot of balls
Plus, I can tell you where the bathroom and phone is
But I’m fresh out of shame, you see
In Spain I’m called Daniel Cojones

Everybody in my home town knows
PTA is better without clothes!
I may be crass and gross and rude
But I will not be lame
Because
I have no shame
I have no shame!

Your Bullshit

Written By: DLC

I’ll put up with your bullshit
If you’ll put up with my crap
I’ll put up with your footwear collection
If you’ll put up with my nap
You look like kind of a loser
But I think that I can adapt
If you put up with my bullshit
And I put up with your crap

I’ll put up with your ego
If you’ll put up with sign
I’ll be your Valentino
If you’ll be my valentine
Let’s join our hearts in a compact
We’ll never moan bitch or whine
If I’ll put up with your bullshit
And you’ll put up with mine

And we’ll have a real good time
Even though that doesn’t rhyme
Just relax, we were doing fine
If you’d just say the right fucking line
And we’ll have a real good time!

Serious Bazongas

Written By: DLC

HE:
She’s loud and crass and crude and rude
And often she will blunder
Does she even know
The kind of spell she’s put me under
Her hair is plain, her mouth is weak,
Her speech is often spiteful
But there are two fantastic reasons
Why I find her so delightful

Cos she’s got
Serious Bazongas
She’s got
Serious Bazongas
Such great tits
One is from Switzerland and
One’s from Tonga
They’re so great
They stay up late and then they
Play the congas
She’s got some
Serious Bazongas

SHE:
You’re an asshole
You’re an asshole
You’re a goddam motherfucking asshole
It’s my considered opinion
You suffer from acute assholism
Better get you to a quack
And really fast
Cos you’re a massive asshole

Set List

Sets avg 45 mins.. Also available as MC. All original material except as marked (*).
Typical set list:
-I Have No Shame
-Who Do I have to Fuck?
-What Men Like
-Love Me, Love My C*ck
-So Are You Naked?
-Volare*
-Straighten Up and Fly Right*
-What Am I doing with the Rest of Your Wife?*
-Funiculi, Funicula*
-Love Me Tender*
-Your Tongue, My Ass
-Love Me, Love My Cock
-Your BS
-No Shame (reprise)