Joe Conley

Joe Conley

 Takoma Park, Maryland, USA
BandAmericanaSinger/Songwriter

Take Lyle Lovett and John Prine and and Loudon Wainwright and Randy Newman and get rid of them completely and there'd be much less competition for a comic/tragic singer-songwriter like Joe Conley.

Biography

NEWS

A studio-recorded CD, "Sad Songs For Happy People," is ready for replication. Twelve songs, some sad and some not, with music played by various combinations of acoustic guitar, fiddle, standup bass, mandolin, banjo, and electric guitar.

Lyrics

Curvy Roads and Curvy Women

Written By: Joe Conley

Well her figure I couldn't figure out
It's the kind of thing leaves gravity in doubt
Wasn't my type; sure is now
Seen city lights can't go back to the plow

[Chorus]
Curvy roads and curvy women
Equal trouble that I get in
On the straight and on the narrow I just cannot stay
I could drive a little slower
Aim my sights a little lower
But curvy roads and women always lead me astray

It gripped the asphalt and it steered true
I thought I owned the road but it always owns you
It had the horses; sure could go
Stopping was another matter though

[Chorus]

Try to learn my lessons well
Foot down go straight to hell
Look hard and take it slow
You get to watch her go
Turn hard you're in a spin
A race you cannot win
Those mountains and those hills--
I can picture them all still

[Chorus]

A Better Place Now

Written By: Joe Conley

She didn't like my car
Said it smelled funny
Wanted her door to open
Didn't want to use mine

She didn't like my apartment
That green shag carpet
Those plumbing problems
Coming up all the time

[Chorus]
She wanted nicer things but I was blind somehow
Now that I'm older I hope that she's in a better place now

She didn't like my job
How poor it kept me
How I came home
Stinking like it

She didn't like my friends
Not that I did much
People I drank with
Back before I quit

[Chorus]

It wasn't pretty--although she could be
It wasn't easy--although I was
It wasn't ugly--'til it got ugy
I kept asking "Why?"
She kept saying "Because"

She didn't like my loving
Or she didn't want it
Didn't want my hand
Resting on her leg
She didn't like me talking
Didn't want to hear it
No matter what I argued
No matter how I better

[Chorus]

copyright 2008 Joe Conley

My Wife Loves Me, Why Won't You?

Written By: Joe Conley

You've got a face to launch a thousand ships
Mine set sail when you walked in
And in your voice I hear a melody
And your perfume makes my head spin
I touch your shoulder and I see sparks fly
A shock runs through me to the bone
I've never, ever felt this way before
So why won't you take me home?

[Chorus]
And you keep saying that I'm not your type
And I keep saying that's not true
I'm only asking you this one last time
My wife loves me, why won't you?

I've listened closely to the things you've said
I know all about your family
I've laughed at jokes and frowned at things gone wrong
You said "Look" I said "I see"
I've complimented you a dozen times
And I meant every word you know
But when I say I've got a motel room
You say you've really got to go

[Chorus]

I am a working man out on the road
A different motel every night
I miss the tender talk, the gentle touch
That follows turning out the light
And I don't do this kind of thing a lot
In fact I can't remember when
But when it's magic like it is tonight
It's only wrong to let it end

[Chorus]
I'm only asking you this one last time
My wife loves me, why won't you?

Copyright 2008 Joe Conley

Happy Again

Written By: Joe Conley

Well I met a woman who looked just like you
Out walking at midnight alone
And I told her about you and how much I miss you
And how you'd walked out on our once happy home

She had eyes like your eyes; she had hair like your hair
She even had your lopsided grin
I told her all that and she smiled that smile
And asked what I'd give to have you again

[Chorus]
She said for twenty she'd hold me
For thirty she'd kiss me
For forty we could be more than friends
And if I made it fifty then she'd say she loved me
And finally I could be happy again

I said I'm not the type; she said she wasn't either
But we must do what we must do
And she asked about things that we did that I liked
And she said that she'd like to do those things too

[Chorus]

And then came the part that I hate to admit
I gave it all, I wanted all of that stuff
Let those without sin be the first to throw stones
Or maybe I've punished myself enough

Well it's real hard to drive through the dark and the cold
To a place that feels nothing like home
And it's hard to find love when you've already found it
And after it's gone you just can't let it go

I gave her twenty to hold me
Thirty to kiss me
For forty we were much more than friends
And then I gave her fifty so she'd say she loved me
Oh when will I ever be happy again?

Copyright 2008 Joe Conley

Have a Beer

Written By: Joe Conley

It was a shock, you see
She walked right out on me
Said I didn't listen or something like that
I sort of fell apart
She'd gone and packed my heart
Then I found something that got me back on track

And it's delicious, expeditious
It's nutritious, so I hear
If you're heartsick it can help quick
Lost a lover? Have a beer

I had a truck one time
I thought that it was mine
Missed a few payments; bank took it back
My bigscreen TV the repo man can see
I sit and drink, watch where it sat

The drink's delicious, expeditious
And nutritious, so I hear
Write rubber checks sometimes? You can bounce back fine
Lost your wheels? Have a beer

You can drink it from bottles
You can drink it from cans
You can sit at the end of the bar
Pint glass in each hand

There was this job I had
It didn't seem so bad
Days passed by fast and the paycheck was fine
My boss was stupid, though
One day I told him so
Next thing I knew I had lots of free time

For things delicious, expeditious
And nutritious so I hear
Unemployment means enjoyment
Lost a job? Have a beer

Someday your bones'll creak
Backaches and sore feet
New things'll break and the old ones won't mend
Can't see or hear too well
Memory's gone to hell
I know a friend who'll be there 'til the end

And it's delicious, expeditious
And nutritious so I hear
Can't get around? Well just sit right down
Lost your memory? Have a beer
Lost a job? Have a beer
Lost your wheels? Have a beer
Lost a lover? Have a beer
Lost anything at all? Have a beer
Haven't lost a thing? You can celebrate with fine champagne
Or you can have a beer

B.B.W.

Written By: Joe Conley

She broke my heart the other day
Walked out the door and went away
And where she went she wouldn't say
And did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?

There was a world just in her smile
And for her kiss I'd walk a mile
I'll feel bad now for a while
And did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?

She was sweet and she was kind And she liked kittens and spring
She could clean and she could sew She could cook anything
She had a job, she had a car
And there was just one more thing
Did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?

She was smarter than she needed to be
She had a graduate degree
I guess she finally saw through me
And did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?

She was sweet and she was kind And she liked kittens and spring
She could clean and she could sew She could cook anything
She had a job, she had a car
And there was just one more thing
Did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?

Sometimes at the sink after supper
She'd stare out the window and sigh
I never asked what she thought
I just stood there and dried

I want to get this off my chest
It never was about the breasts
No what I'll miss is all the rest
But I guess I should mention
Yeah I probably should mention
Did I happen to mention she was a big breasted woman?
Yes she was

I Met Her on the Internet

Written By: Joe Conley

You ask me where I found her
This Venus in blue jeans
This Helen of the honkytonks
This backyard porch swing queen

You know I spent a lot of time with
Almost and not quite
So how did I uncover this new
Miss Exactly Right?

I met her on the internet
She's as pretty as they get
Drives around an old Corvette
Hasn't let me touch it yet
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her homepage I won't forget
'Cause I met her though it
On the internet

I'd given up, I'd lost all hope
I'd pretty much stopped trying
A friend of mine said why not go
And try your luck online?

The women they looked all the same
I knew there was no chance
Then I saw her and I believed in World Wide Web romance

I met her on the internet
Got a smile you can't forget
Says she likes Lyle Lovett
He'd like her too, I bet
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her homepage I won't forget
'Cause I met her though it
On the internet

God works in mysterious ways
He's even out in cyberspace
She was heaven sent I know
She can be a devil, though
How we met I won't lie
It's American as apple pie
If she were a flag I would salute her
I owe it all to my computer

I met her on the internet
A big dog's her favorite pet
We do dishes to Tammy Wynette
Go out back and watch the sunset
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her homepage I won't forget
'Cause I met her though it

I met her on the internet
I think I may be set
She doesn't mind that I'm in debt
Wants to name her first son Chet
I never thought that I would go
And play the email Romeo
But her homepage I won't forget
'Cause I met her though it
On the internet

Discography

CD "Sad Songs For Happy People" to be released in November 2011.

Set List

Joe Conley plays his own stuff mostly. Many dozens of songs from which to compile a set.