John Lawrence

John Lawrence


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The Perfect Couple

Written By: John Lawrence

Of all the couples I have known
Only one true love has shown
For their love is a truly wondrous feat

She is hideous, he's no beaut
She's a tyrant, he's a brute
Yet they're the happiest couple that you'll meet

She was looking for a Lancelot
Instead she found a drunken sot
But it was true love at first sight

He loved beauties, tall and thin
She's short and fat and ugly as sin
But he was struck with her that night

The wedding ring was made of quartz
Honeymoon in Rome, Rome, New York
But still they're like two turtledoves

Tell me what could be sweeter
Than seeing two bottom-feeders
Hopelessly, entirely in love
It's a match made in heaven above

He don't trip the light fantastic
Her nose is less than classic.
But they're as happy as can be

She loves to shop, but they are broke
She's asthmatic, yet he smokes
But they live in perfect harmony

She gives sex like a nun
He is weighed in metric tons
But they've submitted to love's cries

She's hairy as Samson, he's bald as a coot
And yet their love is absolute
They cannot be too over-wise
For each is perfect in the other's eyes

Her bouquet is quite horrific
His forehead is Neolithic
Yet there are no two happier

He's as monogamous as a Mormon
She's as lovely as a Gorgon
They are a perfect him and her

She looks like Whistler's ma
He's more spotted than a Seurat
Oh, their love is a work of art

This proves the saying is a fact
That opposites can attract
When they're of two minds but just one heart
For nothing could, these lovers part
For they were struck by Cupid's dart