Lisa Koch

Lisa Koch

 Seattle, Washington, USA
SoloComedySinger/Songwriter

An irreverent Seattle singer/comedian, Lisa Koch is a deliciously twisted mix of comedy, theater, and demented songs. Think Tina Fey meets Bette Midler with Joan Jett guitar chops.

Biography

LISA KOCH
(singer/songwriter/comedian/raconteur...)

Daft. Demented. #SNORT. Picture Tina Fey meets Bette Midler with Joan Jett guitar chops... and you’ve got Seattle’s Lisa Koch. An irreverent singer/comedian, out lesbian and sober chick, Koch (“Coke”) is a deliciously twisted mix of comedy, theater, and tunes. She has recorded five solo CDs, is one-half of quirky sketch comedy duo, Dos Fallopia (“Ham for the Holidays”), and is an alumnus of cult quartet Venus Envy ("I'll Be A Homo for Xmas").  She has shared the stage with a diverse group of artists, including Janis Ian, Kate Clinton, Lily Tomlin, Karla Bonoff, The Indigo Girls, and Steve Martin. She composed Off-Broadway musical “27, Rue de Fleurus”, has been seen on LOGO and Olivia Cruises, and actually had one of her songs sampled by Jay-Z.  Lisa brings to the stage her guitar, her wacky songs, and her musings on being a woman… from middle age to mammograms to singing vulvas. www.heylisa.com

“Hearing Seattle’s Lisa Koch is one of life’s wickedest pleasures… her brand of absurd confessional comedy is clearly resonating with millions of fans.”  --Curve Magazine

“Koch’s talents seem to know no bounds as she goes from gut-busting comedy into an introspective beautiful medley and back again…” – Broadway World

"...Lisa Koch picks up where Bette Midler left off..." --Music Connection


Lyrics

I'm A Middle-Aged Woman

Written By: Lisa Koch

I’m A Middle-Aged Woman
Words and music by Lisa Koch ©2005 Mamajune Music (BMI)

I’M A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, AND I’M REALLY IN MY PRIME
I’M A MIDDLE-AGED BROAD, AND I’M LOOKING MIGHTY FINE
MATURE AND SEXY, HEALTHY AND FIT
NICE AND RIPE, AND I CAN’T REMEMBER SHIT

I’M IRRITABLE AND CRABBY, AND MY MOOD IS ON THE SWING
MY CYCLES ARE IRREGULAR, AND MY UNDERWEAR CLINGS
MY THERMOSTAT HAS REALLY GONE AWRY
I’M SWEATING LIKE A PIG, WHILE MY CHA CHA IS TOTALLY DRY

OOOOOHHH, I’M WORKING ON A HOT FLASH
YEAH, I’M ON THE VERGE
BUILDING UP STEAM FOR A POWER SURGE

HOT FLASH
NOW MY FACE IS RED
LOOKING FOR A TOWEL TO MOP MY HEAD

HOT FLASH
OOH, IT COMES ON QUICK
MY CLOTHES ARE DRIPPIN’ AND MY SKIN IS SLICK
(PANT PANT PANT) IS IT WARM IN HERE?
(PANT PANT PANT) IS IT HOT IN HERE?

HOT FLASH
AT THE GROCERY STORE
JAMMIN’ MY HEAD IN THE FREEZER DOOR

HOT FLASH
200 DEGREES…
(spoken) WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN’ AT?

I’M PERIMENOPAUSAL, I STILL CAN’T REMEMBER SQUAT
THERE’S A RINGING IN MY EARS, AND I TEND TO FART A LOT
A 5 O’CLOCK SHADOW WASN’T IN MY PLANS
EVERYTIME I SNEEZE, I FRICKING PEE MY PANTS

I CAN’T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT, MY LIBIDO’S OUT OF WHACK
I’VE GOT BIFOCAL CONTACTS, AND I’M SWEATING MORE THAN SHAQ
I’M FEELING REALLY ANXIOUS, MAYBE I COULD SCORE SOME CRACK
OR DRINK THAT BLACK COHOSH TEA (bleah, ick)

I’M A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, I SUDDENLY DON’T REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE
I MUST BE A MUSICIAN, ‘CAUSE I’M PLAYING A GUITAR
YES, I’M MIDDLE-AGED, HERE ON THIS STAGE
I’M MIDDLE-AGED, COMPLETELY CRAZED
I’M A MIDDLE-AGED…. (DON’T MESS WITH MY SOCIAL SECURITY!)
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN!

You Are the One

Written By: Lisa Koch

YOU ARE THE ONE
Words and music by Lisa Koch ©2002 Mamajune Music (BMI)

I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON YOU
ALL THOSE MANY YEARS AGO
I FELT MY HEART BEAT FAST, AND THEN I KNEW
YOU WERE ALWAYS ON MY MIND
YES, IT HAPPENED EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT YOU

I DON’T KNOW HOW IT GOT AWAY FROM ME
OH, I DIDN’T PLAN ON YOU
YOU TOOK MY HEART AND YOU HELD IT CAREFULLY
WELL, I ADMIT I’M KINDA SLOW
BUT I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW…

YOU ARE THE ONE / YOU ARE THE ONE FOR ME
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I COULD FEEL THIS WAY, THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE
YOU ARE THE ONE, THE ONE TO HELP ME SEE
THAT LOVE IS MANY THINGS
I WOULD RISK EVERYTHING TO HAVE YOU HERE WITH ME

NOW THE TIME HAS COME TO TAKE ANOTHER CHANCE
OH, IT’S NOW OR NEVER
WE CAN EITHER PLAY IT SAFE, OR DANCE THE DANCE
DON’T YOU KNOW MY LOVE IS TRUE
I WANTA SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU / SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU

YOU ARE THE ONE / YOU ARE THE ONE FOR ME
I NEVER THOUGHT MY HEART COULD OPEN UP, THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE
YOU ARE THE ONE, THE ONE TO HELP ME SEE
THAT LOVE IS MANY THINGS
I WOULD RISK EVERYTHING…

YOU ARE THE ONE / YOU ARE THE ONE FOR ME
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I COULD FEEL A LOVE THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE
YOU ARE THE ONE, MY LOVE, MY FAMILY
I WOULD DO ANYTHING
I WOULD RISK EVERYTHING
TO HAVE YOU HERE WITH ME
TO HAVE YOU HERE WITH ME

You Must Have Forgotten

Written By: Lisa Koch

YOU MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN
Music and lyrics by Lisa Koch ©2003 Mamajune Music/BMI

I OPEN UP MY EYES TO ANOTHER CLOUDY DAY
LYING IN MY BED WITHOUT YOU
SOMETIMES IT SEEMS AS IF YOU WERE NEVER HERE AT ALL
THEN I RUN ACROSS ANOTHER PIECE OF YOU
GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS, TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO CARE
HOW DO I PLUG THIS HOLE INSIDE OF ME?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FUTURE, BUT IT SEEMS YOU’RE NOW MY PAST
AND I’M HANGIN’ ON TO JUST A MEMORY

YOU MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT YOU LOVED ME
I GUESS IT MUST HAVE SLIPPED YOUR MIND
DON’T YOU REMEMBER THAT I GAVE YOU MY HEART
NO, YOU WALKED AWAY, AND YOU LEFT MY HEART BEHIND

I CAN’T EAT, I CAN’T SLEEP
MY TEARS FALL HOT AND SWEET
WHILE I LIE BLEEDING AT YOUR FEET
I CAN’T EAT, I CAN’T SLEEP
MY TEARS FALL HOT AND SWEET
WHILE I DIE SLOWLY BACK TO ME

I TAKE ANOTHER BREATH, MAKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU
SOMEDAY I’LL FIND A WAY, A WAY TO LET YOU GO
AND I GUARANTEE THAT I’LL GET OVER YOU

YOU MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT YOU LOVED ME
I GUESS IT MUST HAVE SLIPPED YOUR MIND
DON’T YOU REMEMBER THAT I GAVE YOU MY HEART
NO, YOU WALKED AWAY, AND YOU LEFT MY HEART BEHIND

DON’T YOU REMEMBER THAT I GAVE YOU MY HEART
NO, YOU WALKED AWAY, AND YOU LEFT MY HEART BEHIND

Tall Cool Drink

Written By: Lisa Koch

TALL COOL DRINK
Words and music by Lisa Koch ©2006 Mamajune Music (BMI)

I GOT A TASTE FOR SOMETHIN’ SPECIAL
MY TEMPERATURE’S RISING ALL THE TIME
NOW I’M WORKIN’ UP STEAM
FOR SOMETHING LONG, SOMETHING LEAN TO UNWIND

BABY, IT’S TIME TO WET MY WHISTLE
I’M FEELIN’ THE HEAT, IT’S AWFUL DRY
NOW I’M CRAVIN’ A SIP
GONNA LEAVE A BIG TIP
CAUSE I FEEL THE NEED TO IMBIBE

I NEED A TALL COOL DRINK
I KNOW I’M ON THE BRINK
DON’T GO MESSIN’ WITH MY MIND
I GOT A THIRST, AND BABY I’M TAKIN’ MY TIME
WITH A TALL COOL DRINK

I GOT A POWERFUL DESIRE
TO WRAP MY LIPS AROUND IT ALL
NOW I’M BREAKIN’ A SWEAT
‘CAUSE IT’S COOL AND IT’S WET
BABY, MY BACK’S AGAINST THE WALL

I NEED A TALL COOL DRINK
I KNOW I’M ON THE BRINK
DON’T GO MESSIN’ WITH MY MIND
I GOT A THIRST, AND BABY I’M TAKIN’ MY TIME
WITH A TALL COOL DRINK
YEAH, I NEED A TALL COOL DRINK
BABY, I’M ON THE BRINK
DON’T GO MESSIN’ WITH MY MIND
I GOT A THIRST, AND BABY I’M TAKIN’ MY TIME
WITH A TALL COOL DRINK
I NEED A TALL, A TALL AND COOL… DRINK

Gravity Blues

Written By: Lisa Koch/Peggy Platt


GRAVITY BLUES
Music & lyrics: Lisa Koch and Peggy Platt / ©1995 Mamajune Music / (BMI)

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL, I LEARNED THAT THE WORLD WAS ROUND
AND WHEN SOMETHIN' GOES UP, EVENTUALLY IT MUST COME DOWN
THIS NASTY GRAVITY IS GONNA PULL ME IN THE GROUND

I TELL YOU, WHEN I START A-WAVIN', MY ARM STARTS TO WAVING BACK
AND MY FLESH IN THE MIDDLE IS PILED UP LIKE A PANCAKE STACK
IF I HAD LOTS OF MONEY, I'D PAY TO CUT ME SOME SLACK

(CHORUS)
OH LORD, MY SKIN HAS FALLEN AND IT CAN'T GET UP
MY SKIN HAS FALLEN AND IT CAN'T GET UP
MY KNEES ARE SAGGIN' AND MY HIPS ARE SPREADING THE NEWS
YES, THINGS ARE LOOKIN' DOWN / I GOT THOSE GRAVITY BLUES

I SAID SAG (SAG) / BAG (BAG) / STRETCH (STRETCH), HANG (HANG)
FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, OH MY HEADLIGHTS HELPED ME TO CRUISE
NOW THEY'RE POINTING DOWN, ILLUMINATING MY SHOES

(CHORUS)
OH LORD, MY SKIN HAS FALLEN AND IT CAN'T GET UP
MY SKIN HAS FALLEN AND IT CAN'T GET UP
MY KNEES ARE SAGGIN' AND MY HIPS ARE SPREADING THE NEWS
YES, THINGS ARE LOOKIN' DOWN / I GOT THOSE GRAVITY BLUES

MY JUGS ARE HANGIN' DOWN
I GOT THOSE GRAVITY / SERIOUS GRAVITY.... BLUES

You Make My Pants Pound

Written By: Lisa Koch

YOU MAKE MY PANTS POUND
music & lyrics by Lisa Koch / © 1994 Mamajune Music (BMI)

THE NIGHT I MET YOU, IT WAS MIDNIGHT
THE DRIVE-UP WINDOW HAD A LINE
I HEARD YOUR VOICE COME THROUGH THE SPEAKER
YOU SAID, "CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER... HOW 'BOUT SOME FRIES?"

I GOT A TINGLIN' IN MY BODY AS I DROVE UP TO THE WINDOW LIKE A SHOT
AND AS YOU HANDED ME THAT WHOPPER,
YOU TOUCHED MY HAND AND SMILED AND YOU SAID, "CAREFUL NOW, IT'S HOT"

(CHORUS)
YOU MAKE MY PANTS POUND
I MUST ADMIT
THIS TINGLIN' IN MY PELVIS AND THIS THROBBIN' IN MY...HEART
YOU MAKE MY PANTS POUND
WHAT CAN I DO?
AND I'M LOSIN' ALL MY FLUIDS OVER YOU

THE BLOOD IS RUSHING TO MY SPECIAL SPOTS
AND NOW YOU'VE GOT MY PANTIES IN A WAD
THIS SWEATING, DROOLING, PANTING, OOZING FEELING
IS EITHER CHEMICAL, OR I'VE SEEN GOD
I TRY TO SPEAK AND SOUND JUST LIKE MEL TILLIS
THIS INFATUATION'S DRIVING ME INSANE
NOW MY CROTCH IS IN A SPASM
AND I REALLY NEED AN OR......DER OF FRIES
TO HELP ME EASE THE PAIN

YOU MAKE MY PANTS POUND
I'VE MET MY MATCH
I GOT A FUNKY RHYTHM GOIN' BOOM-BOOM IN MY... HEAD
YOU MAKE MY PANTS POUND
WHAT CAN I DO?
AND I'M LOSIN' ALL MY FLUIDS OVER YOU

YOU MAKE MY PANTS POUND
WHAT A SURPRISE
CUPID SHOT HIS DART AND HIT ME RIGHT BETWEEN THE... KNEES
YOU MAKE MY PANTS POUND
WHAT CAN I DO?
AND I'M LOSIN' ALL MY FLUIDS OVER YOU
AND I'M LOSIN' ALL MY FLUIDS OVER YOU

Discography

Lisa Koch:
"Colorblind Blues" (CD, 1990) Tongueinchic Records
"You Make My Pants Pound and other show tunes..." (CD, 1995) Tongueinchic Records
"Both of Me" (CD, 2001) Tongueinchic Records
"Tall Cool Drink" (CD, 2006) Tongueinchic Records

"Enjoy the Ride" (CD 2017) Tongueinchic Records

With Dos Fallopia:
"My Breasts are Out of Control" (CD 1992) Tongueinchic Records
"Pretty Girls, Not Too Bright" (DVD 1996) Wolfe Video

"Ham for the Holidays: A Lard Day's Night" (DVD 2011) Tongueinchic

With Venus Envy:
"I'll Be a Homo For Christmas" (CD, 2003)
Ladyslipper/ Tongueinchic Records

Set List

1) SISTER MARY AGNES
2) I'M A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
3) THINK
4) YOU LEFT YOUR CAT
5) TALL COOL DRINK
6) WOMEN’S HEALTH CARE MEDLEY
7) WHAT’S GOIN’ ON /FOR WHAT/GET TOGETHER
8) ALL NIGHT LONG
9) BEAVER CLEAVER FEVER
10) BACK WHEN WE HAD SEX
11) YOU ARE THE ONE
12) GRAVITY BLUES
13) STAINIES IN MY UNDIES ALWAYS GET ME DOWN
14) A WOMANLY SONG