Mark Allen Berube

Mark Allen Berube

 New York City, New York, USA
BandPopSinger/Songwriter

Mark Allen Berube serves up smart, punchy slices of life at two to three minutes a serving. Often humorous, occasionally profound, and always entertaining, Mark's tunes and performance energy leave audiences howling with delight.

Biography

Originally from Western Massachusetts, Mark now calls Brooklyn home. Brooklyn just calls him "Mark", although he prefers "Big Rig". Weened on such characters as Elvis Costello, They Might Be Giants, Randy Newman and Talking Heads, Mark has an eye for the absurd and an ear for the hook.

Far more entertaining than a single human being with an acoustic guitar is allowed to be under current law (pending in Delaware), Mark is a performer who refuses to be anyone's background music. His punchy, well-crafted songs and rapid-fire delivery allow audiences little time to indulge in the laughter he frequently provokes without feeling like they've missed something.

This, apparently, is okay with Mark, reluctant as he is to be labeled a comic songwriter. Not that he disdains laugher. Far from it. He'd just rather write a good song than a funny one. But hey, if it makes you laugh, that's cool too.

Lyrics

The Naked Guy at the Gym

Written By: MABerube

It’s just a simple workout; the kind that I do every day
Why do I have this sense of impending doom?
A dull feeling in my gut of unyielding dread and deep dismay
As I prepare to enter the locker room
‘Cause I know just what’s waiting there
A guy with too much body hair
And a sharp propensity for displaying all of it

He’s still here; he’s still naked
I’d offer him a towel but I don’t think that he’d take it
Modesty doesn’t mean a thing to him
The naked guy at my gym

I got here at 12:15; that’s when I saw him standing there
Applying Speed Stick to his underarm
I changed into my sweatpants while he casually toweled off his hair
It didn’t seem like he would do me any harm
Then I went out to use the treadmill
But time came to a virtual standstill
And I returned to a ghastly sense of dèja vu

CHORUS

Now I’ve got nothing against the human body
Nudity is not a thing to be feared
But hanging out naked in the locker room
For two or three hours is a little bit weird

I don’t want to broach the subject; I don’t want to get into a fight
Anyway, I’m not real sure just what I’d say
But he’s probably been here all day, and he’ll probably be here all damn night
Until the gym folks tell him he has to go away
I hope he covers up his hide
Because it’s ten degrees outside
And after all, tomorrow is another day

CHORUS

The unnecessarily naked guy at my gym

The Look on Your Face

Written By: MABerube

Sally’s on the sofa; she couldn’t sleep again
Noshing on Nightline and sucking on CNN
Talking heads telling tall tales and making her cranium shrivel
With second-grade syllogisms and mindless Manichean drivel
Well, Sally couldn’t believe all the things they said
The blatant deception made her face turn red
The only thing running through her head
Was “I wish I could see you when you’re dead, ‘cause

I’d love to see the look on your face On your first day in hell”

Sally sat sullen, saddened by what she saw
Dictators for democracy, living above the law
Forget the Constitution; don’t you know we’re at war?
We’re the ones in charge here; that’s what we’re fighting for
Well, do you really believe that what you say is true?
And you can say what would Jesus do?
I think you’ll find when the rent comes due
That he’s got a big surprise for you

I’d love to see the look on your face On your first day in hell

They get so impatient when we make a fuss
Be a good American and show some blind trust
It really isn’t torture as long as it’s done by us

Sally sat silent and tried to figure why
So many decent people had gone and bought the lie
Well, Sally clenched her teeth and screamed inside
At truth distorted and facts denied
When he looked her in the face and lied
She pointed her finger and replied

I’d love to see the look on your face On your first day in hell

Sleep

Written By: MABerube

I shared a bunk bed with my brother
I was on the bottom and he was on the top
I spent most of my childhood just lying awake
Wondering if and when the torture was ever gonna stop

‘Cause sometimes he’d hit me with his pillow
Sometimes he’d freak me out and hide under the bed
Or smear my sheets with chocolate pudding
Then tie me to the bedpost and drip water slowly on my forehead

But now I’m all grown up and life’s been drained of dread
‘Cause instead of brother’s evil mug I see your smiling face instead

Never worry that you’re gonna punch me
Never worry that you’re gonna go through all my stuff
I don’t have to watch your every move
That might not seem like much but it’s enough
I don’t need another psycho making life a living hell
With you beside me I sleep very well

It’s been so long since I have slumbered
In a place where I’ve felt unencumbered
By fears of persecution when I go to shut my eyes
You’re such a blessing in a really bad disguise

I know it all sounds rather silly
I know I probably seem real paranoid to you
But I know you’d never do things he did
I mean, he was only twelve years old and you, you’re thirty-two

But I love to feel your arms around me
I love to feel your fingers running through my hair
I love the steamy pulse of your breath on my neck
You can drool right on my arm and I won’t even care

I trust you implicitly, I want to make that clear
The calm that I can finally feel, I owe it all to you, my dear

Never worry that you’ll kill my hamster
Never worry that you’ll put the corpse next to my head
Never worry I’ll wake up
To find all of my toenails painted red
I owe so much to you for all the fear that you dispel
With you beside me I sleep very well

Never worry you’ll unstuff my Pooh bear
Or hit me with my own hand and call me a retard
You’ve got such guts to sleep with
Someone so emotionally scarred
I’ll dream sweet dreams and wake up knowing everything’s just swell
With you beside me I sleep very well

Discography

Suspicious Fish (2005) CD
Nobody Likes You (2002) CD w/ The Right Bastards
Shut Up So I Can Play (2000) Live CD

Set List

In a typical 50-minute set, Mark will perform approximately 12 songs, including many of the following:
Something About
The Naked Guy at the Gym
The Way You Smell
Ten Years Down the Road
Sleep
Charter Arms Bulldog
Grandma Gave Me the Finger
Cocktails on the Balcony
I Wish I Was Gay
My Left Arm
Bride of Frankenstein Hair