Matt Singer

Matt Singer

 New York City, New York, USA
BandFolkSinger/Songwriter

I write silly, funny, quirky, edgy, smart lyrics with catchy melodies over simple and original acoustic guitar parts. I've been compared to They Might be Giants, Tenacious D and Flight of the Conchords. People have approached me after a show to tell me that I made them laugh so much it hurt.

Biography

First let me say that I represent Brooklyn but I was raised out of Jersey.

Now then, I wrote my first song when I was four years old, sitting on the floor of my father�s office, in a Manhattan law firm, where he was not happy. The song was called Beep-Beep-Bop-Bop-Bop-Beep � that was the hook anyway. Recording it on my dad�s Dictaphone, the message I was trying to get across was that brushing your teeth is fun, and important. Now my father is a psychologist and he is happy.

I wrote my second song 16 years later, not because I had a good idea but because I was sad and lonely. I don�t remember the lyrics or the melody, and I could not tell you the song title, but it might have been called Sad and Lonely. Boring, yes, and certainly a less important work than �Beep,� but nevertheless crucial to my development, because the second song led to a third, and the third to a fourth, and when I had a full set of original music I summoned the courage to play at an open mic, where Kimya said, �Dude, I feel like I wrote that song,� and the rest is history.

Now the very fact that I am writing a bio(graphy) implies a certain level of self-importance (true) and a certain degree of achievement (sorta) and/or can be boiled down to the fact that every reasonably gifted musician is expected to write one (I am a total conformist). Anyhow, rather than write about all the great venues I have played, all the obscenely talented artists with whom I have shared a stage, and all the other details of my musical life that illustrate how great I am, all awkwardly stated in 3rd person (see all other Matt Singer bios, 2001-2008), I think I�ll just say goodbye, for now. Besides, if you want to see all that other stuff, it�s not so hard to find.

Enjoy!

Love,
Matt

Lyrics

Stacy J

Written By: Matt Singer

Stacy J went to the American Idol audition
Simon said you suck and Randy said you suck
Paula said you've got potential to be alright
So she took a long train back home that night
Camden, NJ

But home wasn't what Stacy J auditioned for so
she moved to Fort Green at the age of 19
she said i'd rather be miserable than just alright
she made her way to the open mic

the bartender and me were the only one's listening
she played songs for lovers
i think both of them were covers
the sullen hipsters thought that she was just alright
she said i'm gonna drink a lot tonight
that's what she did

so i bought her a whisky and i bought me a beer
i said you sounded good like she knew i would
but she didn't say anything just sipped her drink
until i fucked her senseless on the restroom sink
it was awesome

woke the next day and knew that i was in love
can't remember what we said as we lay in bed
but we watched shitty movies and we ordered chinese
she never said thanks and she never said please
and i like that

six months pass they went just like that
Stacy moved in and we lived in sin
but now and then i'd see her looking to a far off place
some things in your mind you just can't erase
like Simon Cowell ripping out your bleeding heart

so when Stacy J broke the news i could see it coming
she said she had a dream and i had to know what that means
so i drove her to the airport and i wished her luck
she said one day you'll find someone else to fuck
oh god i hope so

well Stacy J was right and it didn't take long
and it didn't take much so didn't hold a grudge
but i learned a good lesson which is when you go fishin'
it's best to stay away from a beautiful musician
and the ugly ones too

but me and the new girl are doing pretty good
at least she never turns her face to a far off place
she likes to watch shitty movies and to order chinese
but she sometimes says thanks and she sometimes says please
and that's alright

Well i was writing this song when i received a letter
it was Stacy J writing out from L.A.
she said i hope you found someone but still think of me
and guess who you're gonna see on TV
she meant herself

So Stacy J went back to the American Idol audition
Simon said you suck, but Paula said you're great
Randy said i like your choice of song, you sound alright
He held her fate in the balance on that fateful night

Outrageous

Written By: Matt Singer

I wanna take (wake) up snorting lines in the men’s room with girlfriends who have boyfriends who think they’re my friends
They’re idiots. So am I, all of us, will join a 12-step program for nymphomaniacal morons who’ll fly to San Fran every weekend to get their whore on in the back of a trolley. And all the time we’ll be swilling the cheap shit, Fresca and Popov, ‘til I get useless and take my top off and show everyone my love handles, and they will too except when they do it’ll be mildly attractive ‘cause they won’t have to be the awkward fat kid, the awkward fat kid, the awkward fat kid.

Do you know the story I am telling, it is you, it is me, except we’re outrageous
Do you know the story I am telling, it is you, it is me, except we’re outrageous

Then me and the 12-steps will use our secret knock on the backdoor of the White house and then convince the hired help to let George’s wife out. We’ll go fishing for pigeons on George’s lawn. Laura’s wearing a Speedo, I’m sporting a thong, then I’ll give her head while she sings twinkle, twinkle little star. And all the time we’ll be swilling the cheap shit, Fresca and Popov, ‘til I get useless and take my top off and show everyone my shoulder hair. But Laura won’t mind ‘cause she’s cool like that and besides I spiked her drink with crystal meth and convinced her to think that her husband should re-consider welfare reform. Really.

Do you know the story I am telling, it is you, it is me, except we’re outrageous
Do you know the story I am telling, it is you, it is me, except we’re outrageous

Bridge
January 7th, 1983: Although he exhibits skills in many areas, Matthew still seems unable to deal with frustration. When presented a task with which he is unfamiliar his typical response is “I can’t,” rather than “I’ll try.” He was referred for testing to determine whether he is unable or simply unwilling to try new things.

Do you know the story I am telling, it is you, it is me, except we’re outrageous
Do you know the story I am telling, it is you, it is me, except we’re outrageous

Scary

Written By: Matt Singer

One day I was playing in the mud when I felt an overwhelming thud
Against the back of my head and I said what was that you dirty rat
Then I was on a cape cod ferry with a lady who’s imaginary
And her name ain’t jane or joan or jerry, swear on my dead cat her name was scary
Scary Scary

She said yep that’s my name and I said oh dear what a shame
What are your parents evil misanthropes who use you as a pissing post
She said no dude the names my own, I came up with it 2 weeks ago
And its brought nothing but luck you see, cause angry fucks stay away from me
Scary, an intelligent lady

She told me she watched dawson’s creek and I said well so do I you freak
And we both agreed it would be a big mistake to replace james van der beek
But the ferry was a shakin’ and my belly felt like an earthquake and
I knew trouble was a comin so I picked a tune and I started hummin
Oh shit

I threw up on her lap and she said baby that’s okay
Because you’re just about the sweetest thing that I’ve encountered in my travels
And I;ve had many travels, just to name a few places I’ve been to
There’s kahsakhstan, and kathmandu and Tennessee and Timbuktu
And considering all the up I threw on scary’s lap I somehow knew
That scary was the only girl for me, or at least I hoped so
So I crossed my fingers, and now I’m going to whistle

When the ferry ride was finished I politely asked for all her digits
And she said you should come on by and I’ll bake you a cherry pie
So I walked up to her house and I played one chord over and over again
And sang a song entitled baby you’re the bomb
And it went just like this
Baby baby you’re the bomb

And just like that she blew up in my face but it was great
Because she tasted just like chocolate cake then transformed into her former state
Yeah yeah yeah

Well scary’s house was pretty and she had a kitty she called coach smitty
Who threw up on my lap and I said holy cow this is a sign
She said well come right out with it, if you really think that I’m the shit
Then just tell me so and we can go eat a gallon of gelato
Whoa this girl is really phat with a ph and I am hoping that this scary is the girl for me
NECESSARILY

Scary, scary, SCARY who cares that she’s imaginary
Scary, scary, She has no problem with eating dairy
And doesn’t mind that I am hairy.
Scary

She said that I should stay a while and I accepted with a smile
then we broke out all her smurf toys and pretended we were them
then we hugged and kissed and reminisced about the time I threw up on her lap
then we took a nap together and slept forever and ever

VHS

Written By: Matt Singer

VHS

Our love is on VHS. Nowadays it doesn’t play.
I don’t care you’re still the best even if you don’t see me that way

I started all that nonsense talk about what we should try to be
But I could never walk the walk and I can’t watch this DVD

The menu screen is kinda cool and extra features teach me stuff
But I already played the fool. I know by now I’ve had enough
I’m tired of being a fool. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough

My friends tell me to skp this scene but I just wanna press rewind
Slow and hard not fast and clean. I am gonna take my time.

But one day I’ll break down, I bet and try their fancy shmancy shit
Until then this old cassette is what I watch and that is it.

The menu screen is kinda cool and extra features teach me stuff
But I already played the fool. I know by now I’ve had enough
Don’t have the nerve to get you back so I’m going into town
Find myself a Radio Shack and lay my money down. Lay my money down.

Our love is a VCR, cold and black and obsolete.
If the past is where we are then the past is where I wanna be
The past is where I wanna be, The past is where I wanna be
The past is where I wanna be, shove your fucking DVD

All This Joy

Written By: Matt Singer

I have been living impatiently. I’d become a passionate drinker.

Waiting has not been my cup of tea so I have thrown it all away.

Everyone looks at me skeptically as though this were not my true demeanor.

But they know not of what I am capable, therefore they have nothing to say.

I run to the woods and look around all I see is my reflection.

So I howl like I am a wolf and take my clothes off.

The caribou cheer, the squirrels rejoice, the birds and fish change direction.

To catch a glimpse of all this joy that is much deeper than just for the weekend.

There are suckers who give up too easily and many of them are my homies.

They clean up their rooms and they read their books and they always have something to say.

There was a time when I ran to them always in search of approval.

Now I look at them all with a broken heart wishing their sadness away.

I run to the woods and look around all I see is my reflection.

So I howl like I am a wolf and take my clothes off.

The caribou cheer, the squirrels rejoice, the birds and fish change direction.

To catch a glimpse of all this joy that is much deeper than just for the weekend.

And soon I will sit beside myself.

For the wind that fills my sails is the same one that blew me over.

When optimism fails I reach for something more.

The wind that fills my sails is the same one that blew me over.

When optimism fails I reach for something more.

And soon I will sit beside myself, yeah.

There are boys and girls living in secrecy pushed to the ground by their elders.

Forbidden to run and commanded to hide and to watch every word that they say.

I was the same until recently when I discovered the illusion.

And we’re only as free as we let ourselves be and its time we shut up and play.

I run to the woods and look around all I see is my reflection.

So I howl like I am a wolf and take my clothes off.

The caribou cheer, the squirrels rejoice, the birds and fish change direction.

To catch a glimpse of all this joy that is much deeper than just for the weekend.

Deeper than just for the weekend...

Chicago

Written By: Matt Singer

When I was a young boy I watched rocky 4 and I was very afraid of drago
Now that I’m a grownup I ain’t scared no more and I am going to Chicago
Going to Chicago and the wind is at my back
Got a tummy full of hummus and a pocket full of jack
And I ain’t scared of nothing, not even Ivan Drago
I’m all grown up and I’m going to Chicago

When I was a little dude my rents used to fight and I was deathly afraid of moving
So I turned on the tube and I turned out the loot and that was so incredibly soothing
It used to work then and I know it works now
I don’t ever have to leave unless I’m running out of chow
Now I ain’t scared of nothing, not even Ivan Drago
I’m all grown up and I’m going to Chicago

(chorus)
Life to me is just like Rocky 4
and Ivan Drago is the fear that tells me I can’t love anymore
Apollo Creed is my heart, knocked out and on the floor

But Rocky Balboa is my spirit horse (repeat)

Back in high school I was jealous like Othello and my very best friend was Iago
So I quit that kid cause I was sick of being yellow And now I’m going to Chicago
Going to Chicago and I got nothing to fear
cause I like to eat potato chips and drink a lotta beer
now I aint scared of nothing not even Iago
I’m all grown up and I’m going to Chicago

Adrian oh Adrian from this ring you look so radiant
Ain’t no way I’m gonna be afraid again oh Adrian, Adrian
Adrian oh Adrian said you look so goddamn radiant
Ain’t no way I’m going to be afraid again

The summer after freshman year my girlfriend went away
and as she left she said don’t forget me
but 8 weeks later she decided she was gay and she acted like she never even met me
you could call it irony but I just call it crap and 6 years ago I was a big fat sap
now I aint scared of nothing, not even Ivan Drago
I’m all grown up and I’m going to Chicago

(chorus)
+ Rocky is my spirit and Adrian can hear it
It’s loud enough to crush the pain of anybody near it
I’m gonna beat up drago, I’ll do it for Apollo
But I ain’t going to Russia
I’m going to Chicago

Dynamic Public Speaker

Written By: Matt Singer

I wish I was a dynamic public speaker
People would come from all around the world
They would run and tell their friends
Matt Singer is speaking in public again
The most dynamic public speaker in the mother fucking world

I wish I could bone for hours without stopping
Bitches would come from all around the world
They’d tell their friends, he check it out
I think he’s gonna whip it out
The most amazing dong you’ve ridden in the mother fucking world

But I’m a wholesome lover. It’s all a big charade.
And I calm my senses down with a glass of lemonade
But I’m a wholesome lover. It’s all a masquerade
And I calm my senses down with a glass of lemonade

I wish my art was really truly brilliant
Critics would come from all around the world
They’d say it’s brilliant, it’s a fact
John Lennon, that fucking hack
The most dynamic public speaker, with the most amazing dong
The most brilliant goddamn artist in the mother fucking world

Discography

The Drought (EP) 2008
All Us Heathens (LP) 2006

Songs can be heard streaming at:

www.myspace.com/mattsingermusic AND www.thefamilyrecords.com

Set List

Original songs:
Stacy J
Dynamic Public Speaker
Outrageous
All This Joy
Scary
Chip
Chicago
The Madden Song
VHS

Cover Songs & Parodies:
Take My Breath Away
Exit Music to a Girlfriend (Radiohead Parody)