Mike Merrill

Somebody decided that Comedy biographies were supposed to be written in the 3rd person. Well, my biography is written in the 1st person because I’m the 1st person to think my thoughts and do what I’ve done. If I’m stuck in traffic and someone cuts me off, I might want to slap the hell out of them. If I write ‘he wanted to slap the hell out of someone’, you might be confused about whose face was about to tingle. I am a professional Stand Up Comedian, and some people think this means I tell jokes for a living. I do not tell jokes for a living, I sell laughs for a living. The difference is that the joke is the process, the laugh is the result. People do not pay to see me perform a process, they want to experience the laughter which is the result. It’s important to remember that laughter is necessary, it can keep you from crying, depression or even from cussing someone out. I believe that if you ain’t laughing then you ain’t living, and advice like that usually only comes from a fortune cookie. The beauty of Stand Up Comedy is that there is no other profession where someone compliments you by telling you they laughed so hard they almost pee’d.

I’ve had opportunities to perform all over the world in places I can’t pronounce with languages I don’t speak, eating foods I would’ve thought were pets. I’ve had these opportunities because people laugh when I hold a microphone and share my thoughts and observations. I perform in front of crowds of all colors, ages, and levels of attractiveness, I don’t discriminate. I’m a “regular dude”, I’m not sexy and I’m not ugly, I am sometimes a woman’s second choice if things didn’t work out with her true love. I’m also regular because I’m not tall, I use my tippy toes at the grocery store but I’m not short enough to get a handicapped sticker.

I was raised by a single mother and never met my father. Sometimes people feel bad when they find that out, but I tell them not to. In my neighborhood, you stood out more if your real father lived with you full time. Finding kids who lived with both of their real parents became like finding the last Easter Egg on a hunt, it was possible but it took a while. Most of my friends grew up with ‘bad cell plan’ fathers. They were free on most weekends but the rest of the time they ran out quick. These fathers were absent every day that ended in “day”…holidays, birthdays, Thursdays so on and so forth. Kids with two parents were the first minorities I came across in my life and I saw how hard they had to work just to get the same opportunities that the rest of us had. They always got picked last in kickball, always hard to turn the jump rope. We convinced these kids that life was better for us because we didn’t have to spend money for Father’s Day. We told them that two parents was out of style and they should try to get one parent like the rest of us before stores ran out.

My high school was nothing like my neighborhood, the only person as dark as me was my shadow. Having both parents was the norm at this place, and that made me wonder whether or not these people were crazy. But being somewhere where I was the only one, also gave me opportunities to learn things that I otherwise wouldn’t. I became bilingual, I was already fluent in Ebonics, but I also learned to speak Job Interview English as well. The exposure that I received at this period in my life helped me to become comfortable around all different types of people and unfamiliar situations. High school also became the place where I first took Comedy to the stage.

The number of acronyms Comedians can list in a biography tend to be extremely important to the Comedy industry. These acronyms usually represent a small group of television networks that occasionally display Stand Up Comedy programming. I’ve performed for some of these networks and performed Stand Up on national television multiple times. However these ‘résumé’ points are valued more highly by the Comedy industry than the people that come to the shows. This biography is written to my fans and fans of Comedy. True Comedy fans understand that sustainable business always follows the art and not vice versa. I’m not here to perform a process or follow the expectations of an industry, I’m here to sell laughs.