Pandora's Toybox

Pandora's Toybox

 Westfield, Massachusetts, USA
BandRockGothic

A theatrical, sardonic, vaudeville circus of gothic rock, undead antics and other assorted bits of darkness and fun.

Biography

Pandora's Toybox was originally formed in 2002 by Joshua Carrig and Amanda Rose Smith. Before parting ways for college, the duo wrote what would become known as Evil & Other Pastimes, Polluting Phenomenon and A New Sanctuary in the Shadows. After college, Joshua Carrig revived the project in 2007, this time by himself. With the help of producer Benjamin Jon of Stillwork Studio, the album Evil & Other Pastimes was released in 2008.

Pandora's Toybox is a theatrical, cynical, and wholly dark production that viciously mocks the real world as we know it. The undead band members are the Grim Pills and they are led by the spooky, cynical frontman, Morte McAdaver. Together, they perform a vaudeville circus show of gothic rock and spread levity and awareness of how horrific this world of ours truly can be. From catchy tunes about evil organizations of women, the zombified workforce of the world, or just those obese white fellows you always see at strip clubs, nothing is safe and no subject is too strange for Pandora's Toybox to gleefully expose.

Pandora's Toybox offers a versatile and talented cast for your entertainment. You will be hard pressed to find a group this spooky and epic.

Lyrics

Evil and Other Pastimes

Written By: Joshua Carrig

(Morte McAdaver):
Welcome to the world we see
Of social vapidity
Of spiritual vomit
Psychological atrophy
Won’t you join us for a cup of tea?

You see, we’ve reached a new level
You could call us privileged elite
Society’s floating on the waters we bleed
So wear a new tongue and taste bitter as sweet
’Cause we’re about to find out just how fun the human race can be.

I never thought that things could be this way
But I had forgotten how evil entertains.

This is how we watch the world pass away
Let’s all celebrate in despair.
Pay obeisance and surrender your will
And you will know eternal bliss.

I suppose we are humanists;
Decay needs a hand or two
What can we contribute?
What can we do?
We could hate our leaders,
Kill the unbelievers,
And gorge upon the spoils of war.

Let’s make little dollies
Out of unborn children
And sell them to the protesters
At discount price
'cause we know we all need
A good reason to bleed
And to dance in the ruins of life.

(2nd prechorus)
I never thought that things could be this way
But I had forgotten how Evil entertains...

(2nd chorus):
This is how we herald the coming end
We are the chosen of the future times
Lower your voices and deny your fellow damned
And you will know eternal bliss

(Dierdre Stroyer):
”It has been confirmed that the terrorist attack has left the city in a panic. In a related topic, policy-holders and stock brokers have reaped an impressive profit from the shattered lives of thousands.

Revolutionary computer technology has done it again as the new developments in electronic ignorance are being disseminated and sold throughout the metropolitan empire.

Economic rejuvenation continues as the latest generation of youth is reared into an early lifestyle of hard labor and misery. Commendations to our exalted officials for reviving the antiquated policy of slavery.

Arsenal tests upon defenseless settlements of human beings have seen great success. And concepts such as agriculture and civilians have been labeled ‘inconsequential.’

Visionary urban planners are calling for aid in the ‘Dystopia Project.’ Please submit all volatile, toxic, and contaminated waste products to your local depository for collection. This is Dierdre Stroyer, keeping your head in the news.”

I take it you don’t comprehend
The world you’re claiming to defend
You can no longer pretend
To make a stand
You’d be less fucked over, if you just rolled over,
Took it all and enjoyed the ride.

Our heads are in the guillotine
Facing towards the T.V. screen
Look at all the famished
And those silly underprivileged
From here we can see declining humanity; who could have known how much fun this would be?

(All):
Whoever thought it made a difference anyway?
Don’t you know that we’re simply here to play?

(3rd chorus):
This is how we eviscerate your dreams
You weren’t using 'em, anyway
Lower your voices and deny your fellow damned
And you will know eternal bliss.

Doll

Written By: Joshua Carrig

Every little toy box has gotten old and stale
And I’m not much for 21(+) year old sweets
Everything illicit is too ugly and frail
And I’ve been confined to a handjob for weeks.

In the morning I don’t wanna see your face
You can close your legs up with the night closes in
You’re as dull as expected like the human race
And you just can’t win in a world of dead skin.

Something occurred when I was pounding my head
I never really liked your independence at all
You just wanted to stay and make me happy, you said
I always thought you’d make such a lovely doll.

Your flesh had expired on the day it broke out
Your humanity is something you can do without
You became someone else for me to like you at all
So that time has finally come; I just want a doll.

You won’t have to talk or have an independent thought
You never had an ounce of individuality
You said you were submissive and you’ve finally been caught
This will more than likely be that special remedy.

That malleable face don’t suit your personality
We can fix that up with a static expression
I can make you a different kind of mediocrity
And let you choke with joy in the chains of oppression.

Something occurred when you looked in my eyes
You found a place in my fantasy world
By a collar and corset I will claim the prize
And show you how to be my girl.

Your flesh had expired on the day it broke out
Your humanity is something you can do without
You were meant to serve and born to crawl
Which couldn’t be more fitting, ‘cause I just want a doll.
Won’t it get you so wet to be a marionette?
You know it’s gonna be the greatest treatment you’ll ever get
You were meant to serve and born to crawl
Which couldn’t be more fitting, ‘cause I just want a doll.

The Big Fat Wallet (With the Bulging Dick)

Written By: Joshua Carrig

Come on gather round minions
Let me tell you the tale
About the filthy putrid porcine
Who’s payin’ the bills.

He’s coming for you
Come to purchase your soul
Came all the way down
To see the Hedonist Show!

(Chorus)
Can’t you smell the green stench and taste the shame?
One obese motherfucker for the bitchin’ dames.
He knows the trade when he turns the tricks
The Big Fat Wallet with the Bulging Dick!

He spent his life on the top pissing on the dregs
Now he’s come down tonight to dump his load in your legs
Worn lust halitosis; don’t it make you sick?
The Big Fat Wallet with the Bulging Dick!

He’s the main source of income
For you twinkies and tramps
(He’ll) give you diamonds and pearls
For your face in his pants

Corpulence and opulence
One and the same
Innocence and decadence
Is what he craves.

The Swine ain’t picky
’bout girls or boys
He just needs another orifice
To destroy.

He likes you naked and used
Dancing to the abuse
Go put that wallet to use!
It’s a living.

Catching Waifs

Written By: Joshua Carrig

Never look on this side, baby
You might uncover some nasty truths
I’m your hometown oddity; remember me?
I’m here to make you dream unclean.

Never linger ‘till the sun sets, baby
You might just find what you’re looking for
You look so fine to a swine like me
Feed me those words and I’ll slip you a bone.

(Chorus):
It ain’t easy work to steal your soul
But the beast is unleashed and under control now
You’re already drowning, screaming to be saved
If you don’t believe me, then come have a taste
(Come on, baby) I’m catching waifs.

What did you expect, you precious object?
All the poetry is obsolete
Just reach deep, and deep inside yourself
And you’ll feel what you really want

Never met an incubus before?
Today is your lucky day
You have the honor of becoming my prey
Come on, honey, let’s play!

The Pendulum Swing

Written By: Joshua Carrig

Come on! Quit playing the saint, now
(You know) a hungry hypodermic's gonna find you veins, anyhow
It won’t do you no good to deny what your are
Just a heroinette giving fellatio fallen stars

You got addicted to the disease to put your mind at ease
Hypochondriac zombie and a hell of a cock tease
You siphon life around you just like a parasite
Got yourself a harem of psychophants and socialites.

Your pheromones keep them dancing wild
Bending to the whims of a malicious child
You got the tear-stained, drama-queen, little brat style
You’re gonna breed a new killer with your wicked wiles.

(Chorus):
The clock is ticking to the end of the world
This one goes out to the sinister girls
I really can’t blame them for doing their thing
’Cause everybody’s swayin’ to the Pendulum Swing

Speaking of the ladies who will bring about Gehenna
I had the privilege of meeting one pretty pretender
(she) Had ravens’ hair and porcelain mannequin skin
That pristine darkling drew me in.

You see, her beauty divine, it could have been mine
But I found in time, her heart belonged to a swine.
I absconded the dame, but the poison remained
Made me the elegant monster that I am today!

That memory keeps me dancing mad
She was the best piece of Evil I never had
These urges are becoming too hard to restrain
AND THE PENDULUM IS CALLING MY NAME!

(Cheerleaders)
P-E-N-D-U-L-U-M!
Come on, let’s herald the coming end!
Manipulate! Desecrate! Don’t forget to complicate!
Fuck this world and celebrate!
Yeah!

Carnival Indulgence

Written By: Joshua Carrig

Morte:
I bet you’ve been wondering where you are
With the freaks and the dead coming from near and far.

Morgue Anne:
Everybody here is a fallen star
And we prefer to keep things bizarre.

Morte:
Why don’t you step into the circus tent?
You got sparkles in your eyes and your money ain’t spent…

Morgue Anne:
Don’t listen to him – you won’t have to lose a cent!
Let me welcome one and all to the Carnival Experiment!

Morte:
Everybody has their own tricks and quirks
In the vaudeville slums we lurk
We all perform in the same terrible troupe
There’s no telling how low we’ll stoop.

Morgue Anne:
The Carnival Indulgence begins with you
When you recognize your place in the carnival crew
The spectators have a wonderful view
But they don’t know that they’re a part of the madness, too…

Morte:
Games and prizes,
Sinister disguises
We’ll fulfill your vices
At the fairest prices!

Morgue Anne:
It’s fun to be wicked
Let me get you addicted
Come and join the afflicted
’Cause it’s all been predicted.

Morte:
Don’t you look so glum
The show has just begun
So nice of you to come
NOW BUY MY ALBUM.

Morgue Anne:
Here at the Toybox, we’re all about fans
In our dominion, the opinion is that minions are grand!

Morte:
We’ve opened up the Box just to give you a taste
To let you hear the sweet sound of human disgrace
To embrace the disdain and feel the pain
The world is a Circus, and we’re here to entertain!
Morgan:
Everybody has their own role to play
They can’t stop now, they’re just written that way.
We’re all forced upon the same bric-a-brac stage
Dancing for scraps in our gilded cage.

Discography

A Quick Taste of the Box (2008 EP)
Evil and Other Pastimes (2008 LP)
Misbegotten Candy (2009 EP)

Set List

Evil and Other Pastimes
The Big Fat Wallet (With the Bulging Dick)
Doll
Little Girls (Oingo Boingo cover)
Catching Waifs
The Pendulum Swing
Jerking Off This Mortal Coil

The current setlist consists of eight songs, 30-45 minute electric showcase.