Papa Joe Grappa

Papa Joe Grappa

BandBluesRock

Funny lyrics with serious solid music. Papa Joe Grappa covers the news through humor and blues.

Biography

Papa Joe Grappa (Joe Medeiros) is the head writer of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Having started playing guitar at the age of 13 when The Beatles came out, Joe continued playing professionally into his 20s. Then he got married, settled down and gave up music to begin a career as a writer in advertising. He took a correspondence course in joke writing and got good enough to get a job with Jay Leno in 1988. Moving to LA in 1992, Joe rediscovered music through the LA blues scene. He put his comedy writing skills plus his love of blues and rock to good use in making his debut CD "Too White to Sing the Blues," which features some of the best session players in LA.

Lyrics

Too White to Sing the Blues

Written By: Joe Medeiros

TOO WHITE TO SING THE BLUES

MY FIRST NAME AIN'T MUDDY
MY LAST NAME AIN'T KING
THEY DON'T CALL ME LIGHTNIN
I DON'T HOWL WHEN I SING
I WASN'T BORN IN MEMPHIS
OR DOWN IN MOBILE
WELL I AIN'T GOT NO GUITAR
NICKNAMED LUCILLE
BUT OF EVERY TYPE OF MUSIC
THIS IS WHAT I CHOOSE
SOMETIMES I WONDER
AM I TOO WHITE TO SING THE BLUES?

WELL I LIVE IN THE SUBURBS
DRIVE A TOYOTA VAN
I GOT MUTUAL FUNDS
I AIN’T NO HOOCHIE COOCHIE MAN
WELL I AIN'T GOT NO MOJO
OR BLACK CAT BONES
WELL I LIKE THE BEATLES
WAY MORE THAN THE STONES
BUT OF EVERY TYPE OF MUSIC
THIS IS WHAT I CHOOSE
SOMETIMES I WONDER
AM I TOO WHITE TO SING THE BLUES

MY WOMAN AIN'T LEFT ME
WELL I AIN'T GONE BLIND
I AIN’T GOT NO CROSSCUT SAW
JUST THE SEARS CRAFTSMAN KIND
I AIN'T BEEN DOWN TO THE CROSSROADS
BY NIGHT OR BY DAY
IF I SELL MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL
IT'S GONNA BE ON EBAY
BUT OF EVERY TYPE OF MUSIC
THIS IS WHAT I CHOOSE
SOMETIMES I WONDER
AM I TOO WHITE TO SING THE BLUES

Words & music by Joe Medeiros, BMI, Midair Rose Publishing, 2005

Medical Marijuana

Written By: Joe Medeiros

MEDICAL MARIJUANA

I NEED SOME MEDICAL MARIJUANA
I FEEL GLAUCOMA COMIN’ ON
I NEED SOME MEDICAL MARIJUANA
I FEEL GLAUCOMA COMIN ON
PLEASE MISTER DRUGGIST
WON’T YOU FILL UP THIS HERE BONG

I NEED SOME PHARMACEUTICAL REEFER
MY BONES IS FEELIN STIFF
I NEED SOME PHARMACEUTICAL REEFER
I SAID MY BONES IS FEELIN STIFF
IS THERE A JOINT IN THIS JOINT
OR MORE TO THE POINT - A BIG BAD SPLIFF
THAT WOULD BE TERRIF

I'M TOO SCARED TO DEAL WITH DEALERS
HANGING AROUND THE PARK
I'D RATHER GET IT LEGALLY
SO I DON'T GET BUSTED BY A NARC
I NEED SOME MEDICAL MARIJUANA
FOR AN UNDIAGNOSED DISEASE
YOU KNOW IT MUST BE GOOD FOR SOMETHIN I GOT
WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE

WELL I’M TOO SCARED TO DEAL WITH DEALERS
HANGING AROUND THE PARK
I'D RATHER GET IT LEGALLY
SO I DON'T GET BUSTED BY A NARC
I NEED SOME MEDICAL MARIJUANA
FOR AN UNDIAGNOSED DISEASE
YOU KNOW IT MUST BE GOOD FOR SOMETHING I GOT
WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE

I NEED SOME MEDICAL MARIJUANA
MEDICAL MARIJUANA
I NEED SOME MEDICAL MARIJUANA
MEDICAL MARIJUANA
GOT TO HAVE THE MEDICAL MARIJUANA
MEDICAL MARIJUANA
I NEED THAT MEDICAL MARIJUANA
MEDICAL MARIJUANA
MISS MARY JANE WOULD DO THE TRICK
CAUSE MY EYES ARE GOIN QUICK

(spoken)
PUT THOSE HANDCUFFS AWAY OFFICER
I SWEAR IT’S A CHRONIC CONDITION

Words & music by Joe Medeiros, BMI, Midair Rose Publishing, 2005

(You Get) Old If You're Lucky

Written By: Joe Medeiros

(YOU GET) OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY

BACK WHEN I WAS YOUNG,
THERE WAS WHISKEY AND COCAINE
BUT NOWADAYS
IT'S VIAGRA AND ROGAINE
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
AND THAT'S A FACT
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
LIFE'S A DEATH-DEFYING ACT

YOU CAN EXERCISE
AND EAT RIGHT
BUT STILL GET HIT BY A TRUCK
AS YOU'RE CROSSIN AT THE LIGHT
OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
AND THAT'S THE TRUTH
OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
WE ALL WANT TO BE LONG IN THE TOOTH

NOW YOU MAY NOT HAVE
ANY GRAY HAIRS IN YOUR HEAD
BUT YOU CAN STILL GO TO BED HEALTHY
AND WAKE UP DEAD
OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
AND THAT'S NO LIE
OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
EVERYONE SAYS BYE-BYE
BYE BYE

THEY SAY THAT JESUS DIED
AT THE AGE OF 33
GOD DIDN'T GIVE HIS SON
A LIFETIME GUARANTEE
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
AND THAT'S FOR REAL
OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
I HOPE I HAVEN'T HAD MY LAST MEAL

WHEN I WAS YOUNG
THERE WAS WHISKY AND COCAINE
BUT NOWADAYS
IT'S VIAGRA AND ROGAINE
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
AND THAT'S A FACT
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
LIFE'S A DEATH-DEFYING ACT


YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
(OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY )
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
(OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY)
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
(OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY)
SO OLD
(SO OLD)
SO OLD
(SO OLD)
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
LIFE'S A DEATH-DEFYING ACT

YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
(OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY )
YOU GET OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
(OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY)
SO OLD IF YOU'RE LUCKY
(OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY)
I’M DECREPIT
SO OLD IF YOU’RE LUCKY
LIFE’S A DEATH DEFYING ACT

Words & music by Joe Medeiros, BMI, Midair Rose Publishing, 2005

Damn Big SUV

Written By: Joe Medeiros

DAMN BIG SUV

DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY
WHAT DID I SEE
A PRETTY LITTLE GIRL IN A RED MG
TRIED TO CATCH UP TO GIVE HER THE EYE
WHEN SOMETHING HUGE
CAME WHIZZING BY
IT GOT BETWEEN HER AND ME
NOW I’M STARING AT THE BACK
OF AN SUV

HEY YOU’VE GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
HEY YOU’VE GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
WHEN I’M STUCK BEHIND YOU
I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S AHEAD OF ME

IT'S A MONSTER TRUCK
MUST WEIGH TEN TONS
IT'S A MONSTER TRUCK
MUST WEIGH TEN TONS
WHEN IT GOES PASSIN’ BY
IT NEARLY BLOTS OUT THE SUN

IT CAN RIDE THROUGH A SWAMP
CLIMB A HILL REAL TALL
IT CAN RIDE THROUGH A SWAMP
CLIMB A HILL REAL TALL
IT'S GOT 4-WHEEL DRIVE
SO YOU CAN CRUISE AROUND THE MALL.

I SAID HEY YOU GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
I SAID HEY YOU GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
WHEN I’M STUCK BEHIND YOU
I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S AHEAD OF ME

IT GUZZLES SO MUCH GAS
IT LEAVES THE PUMP BONE DRY
IT GUZZLES SO MUCH GAS
IT LEAVES THE PUMP BONE DRY
IT COST A HUNDRED BUCKS TO FILL IT
YOU KNOW THAT MAKES ME CRY

WHEN THE ARABS SEE YOU IN ONE
IT MAKES THEM DO A DANCE
WHEN THE ARABS SEE YOU IN ONE
IT MAKES THEM DO A DANCE
YOU'RE PUTTIN' MONEY IN THEIR POCKETS
THAT IS IF THEY WERE WEARING PANTS

HEY YOU GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
HEY YOU GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
WHEN I’M STUCK BEHIND YOU
I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S AHEAD OF ME

BY THE TIME I CAUGHT UP
THAT GIRL WAS GONE
AND IN THE SUV WAS A SOCCER MOM
SHE HAD A SMOKE IN ONE HAND
STARBUCKS IN THE OTHER
TALKIN ON THE PHONE
YAKKIN TO HER MOTHER
SHE WAS PUTTIN ON HER MAKE-UP
COMBIN HER HAIR
SHE WAS PROBABLY EVEN DOIN
HER LEGS WITH NAIR

HEY YOU’VE GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
HEY YOU’VE GOT A DAMN BIG SUV
WHEN I’M STUCK BEHIND YOU
I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S AHEAD OF ME

I SAID S S SUV
THERE’S AN SOB IN AN SUV
I SAID S S SUV
GET THAT TRUCK AWAY FROM ME
WHEN I’M STUCK BEHIND YOU
I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S AHEAD OF ME

(spoken)
PULL OVER MAN

Words & music by Joe Medeiros, BMI, Midair Rose Publishing, 2005

Manmade Woman

Written By: Joe Medeiros

MANMADE WOMAN

SHE’S GOT BOTOX IN HER FOREHEAD
COLLAGEN IN HER LIPS
SHE’S GOT BOTOX IN HER FOREHEAD
COLLAGEN IN HER LIPS
SHE’S GOT SILICONE IN HER CHEST
AND LIPOSCULPTURED HIPS

SHE'S GOT IMPLANTS IN HER CHEEKS
HER TUMMY HAS BEEN TUCKED
SHE'S GOT IMPLANTS IN HER CHEEKS
HER TUMMY HAS BEEN TUCKED
HER NOSE HAS BEEN MADE LIFTED
HER CELLULITE’S BEEN SUCKED

SHE'S A MANMADE WOMAN
SHE'S A HANDMADE WOMAN
SHE'S A MANMADE WOMAN
SHE’S A HANDMADE WOMAN
SHE’S A MANMADE WOMAN
GONNA BE SOMEBODY’S TROPHY WIFE

SHE GETS HER BODY HERBALLY WRAPPED
SHE’S GETS AN ULTRA-VIOLET TAN
SHE GETS HER BODY HERBALLY WRAPPED
SHE’S GETS AN ULTRA-VIOLET TAN
SHE GETS DAILY HIGH COLONICS
SHE'S LOOKIN FOR A MAN

IF SHE CATCHES ME LOOKIN’ AT HER
I BET SHE THINKS I THINK SHE'S FINE
IF SHE CATCHES ME LOOKIN’ AT HER
I BET SHE THINKS I THINK SHE'S FINE
BUT WHAT I’M REALLY THINKIN’
IS YOUR DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN

SHE'S A MANMADE WOMAN
SHE'S A HANDMADE WOMAN
SHE'S A MANMADE WOMAN
SHE’S A HANDMADE WOMAN
SHE’S A MANMADE WOMAN
GONNA BE SOME BODY’S TROPHY WIFE

Words & music by Joe Medeiros, BMI, Midair Rose Publishing, 2005

Them Starbucks Blues

Written By: Joe Medeiros

THEM STARBUCKS BLUES

I WOKE UP THIS MORNIN
I HAD THEM STARBUCKS BLUES
I WOKE UP THIS MORNIN
I HAD THEM STARBUCKS BLUES
SO MANY STARBUCKS TO GO TO
I DIDN'T KNOW WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE

CAUSE THERE'S A STARBUCKS ON THE CORNER
ANOTHER ONE DOWN THE STREET FROM THAT
THERE'S A STARBUCKS ON THE CORNER
AND ANOTHER ONE DOWN THE STREET FROM THAT
I'LL TAKE A GRANDE LATTE
AND WON'T YOU PLEASE MAKE IT NONFAT

I’VE BEEN TO A STARBUCKS IN NEW YORK
ONE IN MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE
SEATTLE WHERE IT STARTED
AND SALT LAKE CITY
I’VE BEEN TO A STARBUCKS IN HONOLULU
AND ONE IN OLD CHICAGO
I HEAR THERE'S ONE IN BANGKOK, THAILAND
WELL THAT'S TOO DAMN FAR TO GO

WHEN I TAKE MY BABY TO STARBUCKS
THERE'S ALWAYS A LONG, LONG LINE
FILLED WITH FUSSY YUPPIES
WASTIN EVERYBODY'S TIME
THEY WANT THEIR EXTRA HOT, DOUBLE SHOT
NO FOAM WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHAS
THEIR MACCHIATOS, THEIR FRAPPACINOS
THEIR CHAI TEAS
BUT IT'S JUST A COUPLE OF
GRANDE NON FAT LATTES
FOR MY BABY AND ME

THERE'S A STARBUCKS ON THE CORNER
AND ANOTHER ONE DOWN THE STREET FROM THAT
(YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT
YOU’VE SEEN EM)
BUT DID YOU SEE INSIDE THE GLENDALE GALLERIA
THERE’S A STARBUCKS INSIDE A STARBUCKS
IMAGINE THAT
(I SURE CAN’T)
NOW MR. BARISTA BEHIND THE COUNTER
I'LL TAKE A GRANDE LATTE
AND WON'T YOU PLEASE MAKE IT NONFAT

Words & music by Joe Medeiros, BMI, Midair Rose Publishing, 2005

Discography

CD- Too White to Sing the Blues

Tracks:
Manmade Woman
Too White to Sing the Blues
Why Didn't My Teacher Do Me?
Jury Duty
Medcial Marijuana
Altar Boy Blues
(You Get) Old If You're Lucky
Damn Big SUV
Married Man Blues
Bedbug Boogie
She's Beautiful and She Don't Care
Start Again
Them Starbucks Blues

Cuts from this CD have been played on Sirius Radio, Dr. Demento, plus stations across the US, Canada, France, Belgium and England.