The Single Life (with Sam Phillips and friends) Lecture

July 27, 2010

BRIEF CAREER SYNOPSIS:

Model/Actress/Producer/Penthouse Pet. Hosted several TV shows; began in radio with appearances on "The Big Show with Steve Mason and John Ireland" at KXTA-A (Xtra Sports 1150)/Los Angeles in 1998, followed by hosting several shows (including "Sheena and Sam" and "The Single Life") on KLSX/Los Angeles. Currently hosts "The Single Life with Sam Phillips" on HotTalkLA.com and MAV TV. For full credits, see her IMDB listing.

1. Okay, so... why radio? You've done (and still do) a lot of TV, modeling, Penthouse, acting... all visual. So, what drew you to a non-visual medium?

Are you kidding? A job I don't have to bathe to do? And I don't have to put on make up, or do my hair, or be concerned one iota about what I look like? You're talking my dream job! I have made my living off what I looked like for 30 plus years and there is no greater pleasure knowing people see the value of what I have to say and judge me on my smarts and how quick and funny I can be instead of how I look with my clothes off on film, at the ripe old age of 44. I cannot tell you how freeing and liberating and rewarding that is being stripped to your bare voice, way more than being stripped to your bare body, trust me.

2. You're in the business of giving advice, which brings up the obvious question -- how did you get your expertise? What made you confident enough to help others?

I am a self-proclaimed sexpert. Let me start off by stating that disclaimer. My expertise comes from hands on experience, I've banged hundreds and hundreds of guys in my heyday; I dated a few less, made out with a ton more, and definitely bl-- most. I like the art of pleasure and get off on sharing my secrets I've learned with others. I've hosted several television shows on the topics of sex, dating and relationships; the nationally syndicated network morning talk show "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"; the factual series exploring human sexuality "Sexcetera" on the Playboy Channel; and these days I'm the Executive Producer/Producer and host of the comedy talk show "The Single Life with Sam Phillips" on Mav TV, 26 half hour episodes seen in 33 million homes. I also have made pretty much every mistake in the book pertaining to sex, dating and relationships and use myself as an example of what not to do so people listening don't have to make the same ones. And then lastly, I am genuinely interested in people and their stories. I listen, I offer good solutions, and I do not judge anyone.

As for how did I get to be confident enough to help others? When all of my friends, even acquaintances would turn to me for advice about their lives I discovered my living on the street-smarts, all the things I survived both good and bad, taught me a lot about human nature and patterns of behavior and I realized we are all pretty similar men and women, we just communicate our wants and needs differently. I am confident in what I know, and I am unafraid to speak my mind. Since I don't judge others when they tell me their secrets, I don't expect to be judged back when I give them advice. The key is being able to hear what everyone is really saying underneath what they are trying to say. All I know is I can do it, and there's nothing I love more than being able to make a difference in someone's life and helping people not be in pain.

3. "The Single Life" has gone through a few changes over the years, including different co-hosts, moving from terrestrial radio to online, adding the TV version. Other than the medium, what would you say is the biggest change in the show from the beginning to now?

So much has changed with "The Single Life" since it's early days with co-host Gary Garver at 97.1. First, to clarify, the show was originally created by PD Jack Silver for Gary Garver when Gary approached him with a sponsor for a show, Gary was the consummate single guy, so the theme and show made sense. Soon after Gary was on-air, Jack orchestrated my return to radio (I had taken a break after quitting my show co-hosted by Sheena Metal after 3 years at 97.1), and he paired me with Gary. We had a great 3 year run together, Gary and I, and at that time, Gary really wanted to take a break from working overnights; he'd been working Stern for 14 years getting up at 2 am, and then after Stern left terrestrial, he and I were doing the live 3-5am shift preceding Adam Carolla's morning show. Gary was over it and quit. At that point I had invested a lot of money into the show for our lawyer, trademark, and websites, etc. I told Gary he could keep doing "The Single Life," just give me back the money I invested in it. He told me to keep "The Single Life."

So I did. And it took a long time to fill his seat. I had all kinds of celebrities sit on and co-host with me... Arsenio Hall, Lorenzo Lamas, Pauly Shore, Esai Morales, Judd Nelson, Billy West, Hal Sparks, the list goes on. I also had a bunch of radio greats sit with me too: Danny Bonaduce, JV from JV and The Doghouse, JR Edwards, and that's when I met my now co-host, Chris Leary. Our mutual friend Lisa Stanley (morings at KEARTH) recommended him. Chris and I have amazing timing and chemistry and we are true friends and supporters of every endeavor the other one does. Our radio show is funny first and informative second. He's the ying to my yang and I think he's the perfect partner. We run a tight ship on-air and take lots and lots of calls.

When I made my TV deal, I had to rethink how I presented each of my hour long topics (edited to a half hour TV show), it wasn't just audibly painting a picture, now I had to have eye candy too. Taking a page from my idol Stern, I surrounded myself with an exceptionally good looking cast of characters whom I incorporated into the radio show to get them "air time" on camera. I also showed a lot of what happens behind the scenes of running a radio show, and how each person has a hand in making it all come together whether you normally hear them on air or not. That premise inspired me to start podcasting when 97.1 flipped formats; I wanted to do an uncensored behind-the-scenes version of the radio/television show where I'd concentrate on the crew more and use their personal lives and daily dilemmas as content.

I think the biggest change in the show for me personally has to be that I used to cover a lot of water cooler topics using the news as a springboard, where as now I exploit and use my own sexcapades as topics much more.

4. Is it hard to do a relationship show when things might not be ideal in your own life at times? Do you feel that it's best to hide nothing and put everything out there, or do you hold your personal life back a little? What works for you?

It's funny, I am a totally open book. I reveal things about myself people can't believe, I have no shame and no blame but myself for the things I have done in my life. When I was hosting the show with Gary, I used to talk all about my past but not so much what I was currently going through at the time, which was a tumultuous and unhealthy relationship that eventually turned abusive and then I gained the strength to leave for good. This was a 6-year on-again off-again hell, and I made the decision to not share anything on-air, for a few reasons: One, I was being paid to entertain people, not depress them. Two, I was there to give advice on the radio not seek it. Three, who would possibly respect me and take any of my advice if they only knew what I was putting up with. Again, I'm being paid to entertain, not complain. Guys can listen to their girlfriends or wives for that. They listen to me to get a boner, not a buzz kill.

On the TV version of the show, each half hour episode has 2 celebrity guests on it and I cater the topic to them, but of course I chime in with my own personal stories pertaining to the same topics. And then for the uncensored podcast version, I reveal in far too much detail every person I'm currently banging or want to bang, minus their last names of course. But I'll tell you this, I will never put myself in another situation or be in a relationship where I am too afraid or too embarrassed to talk about my personal life ever again. The only adjustments I make these days is with the language I use to describe it depending on the medium.

5. Who's been your favorite celebrity guest?

God, that's the hardest question to answer! Aside from the few celebs I named who have all co-hosted the show with me multiple times (Arsenio, Esai, Lorenzo, Pauly, Judd, Danny, Billy, and Hal), I'll throw a couple extra out at you... Dr. Drew, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Ice T and his girl Coco, Robert Schimmel, Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling, The Barbi Twins, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Lou Ferrigno, Jon Lovitz, Shauna Sand, Justine Bateman, Kerri Kasem, Dr. 90210, Mystery and Matador, C. Thomas Howell, Rondell Sheridan, Jeff Conaway and his girl Vikki, Riki Rachtman, Daisy De La Hoya, Bruce Buffer, Gretchen Bonaduce, Cherie Curry, Terri Nunn, Martha Davis, Ron Jeremy, Marcus Allen, and TC Izlam. There's more... way more. These were just off the top of my head.

6. How do you generally prep for your show? What resources do you use, and what are you looking for when you do it?

If I have a guest on the TV or radio show, I'll research their career and personal life online, I'll ask around and find out cool stuff no-one knows about or I'll bring up something we experienced together. Usually the celebs I have on I know personally and the one thing I do w/every guest is make sure the boundaries are established before the show starts. I don't ambush people, or put them on the hot seat and force them to talk about something they are not comfortable with. I also make sure I know before hand what they want to promote and I plug the shit out of it.

I LOVE reading "rag mags" on the toilet in the morning, The Enquirer, The Star, The Globe, all great places to find celebrity gossip. Same with TMZ and Perez Hilton. I watch the news every day, I skip around, MSNBC, CNN, even Fox. I look online every morning. I check Yahoo, Drudge, AllAccess and LARadio. Then I check Facebook and Twitter (okay, maybe I check those first). I'm looking for a story, news piece or topic that will resonate with the listener, something the demo can relate to, a situation most of us has experienced and can share compelling stories about, something we all have in common. And then for the podcast, I make sure to have an "active" week so I have plenty of content to talk about!

7. You were part of the crew at KLSX in the talk years, and, right now, after the demise of the "Free FM" stations, there aren't a lot of stations doing that kind of talk anymore. How optimistic or pessimistic are you that there'll be room on terrestrial radio for non-political, personality talk? Do you think online and podcasting -- no censorship, freedom to talk about anything without format restrictions -- is where this kind of talk can prosper?

After 97.1 flipped many of us lost our jobs, but more importantly we lost the last bastion of FM talk stations on this coast. The horizon was and still is bleak, which is why a bunch of us former co-workers (Jack Sullivan, Rich Boerner, Ron Escarsega and myself) started our own FM talk station on the Internet, called Hot Talk LA. With the advent of WiFi and WiMax availability in cars I foresee the Internet as the future of how "radio" will be distributed, gone will be the archaic towers and their signals. With thousands of music and talk radio websites available to listen to in real time with minimal or no commercials, I can only speculate the Internet is the distribution wave of the future for all media.

As for it being uncensored, I think "Hot Talk" as Fm Talk is also known, is best served and digested in it's rawest form. That being said, as a host I love being censored, it makes you way more creative with your words and usually it's a lot funnier finding the politically correct way to dance around an explicit description. But as far as the listeners go, they like it direct and they like it simple. They want you to say the word you'd normally say in conversation (or in bed), at least when it comes to sex, dating and relationships. I find you connect more when you are speaking like a real person, especially with the expectation of the Internet being uncensored.

8. What, and/or who, makes you laugh these days?

My cat. And youtube.

9. Simple question for an expert in the field: What IS sexy? What's the one thing that makes someone, or something, sexy?

Sexy is confidence. You can be overweight, short, bald and be incredibly sexy to me. Looks mean nothing, being comfortable in your own skin is a huge turn-on no matter how much skin you have.

10. What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in your radio career?

1. Be available and willing to do any shift in any market at any station at any time.

2. Don't be afraid to ask for what you're worth, all they can say is no and you'll negotiate what they're willing to offer.

3. Dead air isn't necessarily a bad thing! "Let the room breathe," in the immortal words of my mentor, Jack Silver.

4. Never burn a bridge. The person you fuck on your way up will fuck you harder on your way down. - AllAccess.com

The Host of "The Single Life" Reflects on Her Film Debut in the 1988 Horror Sequel

Ben Kenber, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Mar 2, 2011

Samantha Phillips is many things; an actress, talk-show host, reality TV host, radio DJ, producer, high-fashion model, popular pin-up girl, and spokesmodel. More recently, she co-created the internet radio station HotTalkLA.com and writes blogs for LA Weekly and The Single Life. Much of this came about as a result of her film debut in "Phantasm II," and she came to New Beverly Cinema for a midnight showing where a nice sized crowd was eager to hear her talk about it.

"Phantasm II" was made back in 1988, and Samantha said back then she didn't understand the script in the slightest. After seeing it in theaters, she still didn't know what the movie was about. But that's okay because the audience (whether they liked or hated it) probably couldn't explain it (let alone the franchise) any better.

Samantha had man fun behind the scenes stories to tell us all as she unapologetically loves being a chatterbox. Her 1st audition had her riding to it on her moped, and she ended up getting into an accident (thankfully she wasn't hurt too bad). For the 2nd audition, she borrowed a friend's car, but it ran out of gas. She also said that the movie was originally called "Morningside" as it was easier for the filmmakers to secure funding. Once they got the money, it went straight back to being called "Phantasm II."

Some of the most memorable moments of the evening came when she talked about her sex scene with Reggie Bannister. For some reason, Samantha insisted on wearing underwear for it, but she can't remember
why. Samantha said there wasn't much of a problem shooting her nude, but she admitted that she was not as comfortable with her body then as she is today. In the one scene where she appears fully nude and lying on a gurney, she invited the whole audience to yell out "vagina hair.". But even the biggest "Phantasm" fans were too timid to do that .Years later, she got implants and eventually became a centerfold for Penthouse Magazine.

Also, it was through improvisation that she came up with the "love your head" line, but she did stop to ask herself:

"Why do I like kissing his head?"

Samantha justified this action in saying that Alchemy had a "good fetish" in that she liked "older bald guys." Of course, her riding Reggie "like a cowgirl" became somewhat challenging as his wife was on set that day. Family members never do seem to visit the production at the right time, do they?

After "Phantasm II," Samantha went on to appear in films like "Weekend At Bernie's II" and "Angel 4: Undercover." In addition, she also produced the "Busty Cops" series of movies, and she proudly proclaimed that she was the only involved with them who wanted credit for it. Everyone else used anything but their real names, but she saw no shame in her work. And of course, she still blogs and has her Single Life radio show which is now becoming a TV show.

Seeing her at this midnight screening was a lot of fun, and she showed a wonderful upbeat sense about her. Samantha clearly is doing what she loves to do, and she is making a very comfortable living through it. May all of us be as lucky in what we love to do as well. - Yahoo! Contributor Network

Sat May 21, 2011 7:36pm EDT

LOS ANGELES, CA, May 21 (MARKET WIRE) --
In the wake of the horrific tornados that raged through the towns in
Alabama, internet radio host and media personality Sam Phillips of The Single Life Podcast on Hot Talk LA (www.hottalkla.com) gets the local community in on a fundraising initiative to aid Tuscaloosa residents in rebuilding their lives. In true L.A. style, generous donors can pull up in their cars for a bikini car wash at Norm's 76 Gas Station on 7979 W Sunset Blvd, from 10 am to 6pm on Sunday, May 22nd 2011. 100% of the proceeds will benefit the Tuscaloosa Disaster Relief Fund.

Known for supporting organizations such as the ASYM, MMPA, Children of the Night, The Sam Simon Foundation, and a host of other causes, Phillips hosts the all-day event in cooperation with Langdon Nation, The Hipstep Lounge, and The Single Life Podcast. Her interest in the tragedy is a personal one, as the struggle in Tuscaloosa hits home for Jessie Dixon, Phillips' intern on The Single Life, whose friends and family lived through the catastrophe that devastated her hometown.

Celebrities and everyday Angelenos who come out for the cause will enjoy the sounds of DJ Fierce, TC Izlam, and DJ Dabs throughout the day, as well as tasty treats from Big Ernie's BBQ and Papa Pete's Gourmet Sausage Co. -- both of whom will be grilling for donations. Other sponsors and supporters include Aamco, Home Depot, The Spearmint Rhino, Print4aPet.com, Sunset Car Wash, Starbucks, Greenblatts, Hot Talk L.A., Fme Jeans, Norm's 76 Gas Station, Eileen Koch & Company PR, among others.

The Alabama Tornado Victims Charity Fundraise Bikini Wash will take place at Norm's 76 Gas Station from 10 am to 6pm on Sunday, May 22nd 2011. Norm's 76 Gas Station is located at 7979 Sunset Blvd. L.A., CA, 90046. This is a donation only car wash. 100% of the proceeds will go to the Tuscaloosa Disaster Relief Fund.

For more information, please contact Eileen Koch @ Eileen Koch & Company, Inc., Public Relations Firm, 310.441.1000 or email at
Eileen@eileenkoch.com. Please visit www.eileenkoch.com. - Reuters

Sam Phillips, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Mar 23, 2011

My mom gave me some not-so-great advice many years ago. She used to say to me, "Samantha (which was code for: 'You're in trouble') -- keep your legs and your mouth closed." Sometimes it was simply, "shut your hole," when she was irritated by my sound.

I wasn't allowed to speak much as a child and when I was, what I said was often inappropriate with sexual undertones. I also had really bad timing in public.

I listened to her back then because I didn't have a choice. Eventually I grew up to become a well-known Penthouse Pet centerfold for June of 1993, a B-movie actor and producer, a television and radio talk show host, and a writer. Does anyone besides me see the irony that I've made my living and found my success in life by doing the opposite of what she instructed me to do?

Someone was always telling me that I had a "fresh mouth" or a "fresh face" growing up: If it wasn't that crazy lady who made me, it was the school principal, my teachers, kids on the corner'"their parents, even the store-owners along 7th Avenue in Brooklyn. When I did express myself, it was blunt, expletive-filled and to the point; there was little doubt I was my mother's daughter.

For an image, think of Tatum O' Neal in the movie Paper Moon. Like her character, I learned at a young age that most times you only get the one shot to say what you mean, so it better be memorable.

There's a lot of power in how we use speech. You can kill a man's dream with just one word, "No." Or change a person's life with, "Yes!" Expression can sweep you up in a feeling of euphoria or it can crush your heart. A simple statement can make it all better, or it can ruin everything beyond repair. Each one of us knows from experience, once you've said it out loud, you can't take it back.

Speaking up is critical to a couple's staying power. You need to be open and honest with each other about your feelings, expectations and boundaries. All aspects of your relationship should be candidly addressed; especially what goes on in the bedroom when the lights go off.

If all your secret fantasies and fetishes were being fulfilled and explored by your lover there would be less chance of you ever cheating on them, don't you think? Being truthful about what you like sexually helps your mate to better satisfy you. In return, they must feel comfortable communicating what turns them on, or they will find someone else they can open up to. This is why so many men use prostitutes; they feel like their wives don't understand them, and they can't be themselves.

Talking dirty is a great way to use foul language as foreplay. It's an unconditional and unfiltered way to express your hidden desires, plus you can role-play and become other people in bed. There are no rules. Just tell your partner what you want to do to them, and what you want done to you. The more explicit you articulate the better.

All these years later I'd like to say, "Mother is always right." But where would I be today if she was, had I heeded her words? I'd be some other person, probably just as happy, but nowhere near as interesting. Thank God I didn't listen to half the shit she told me.

My advice to you? If I were your mother?

1. Open your mouth
2. Open your mind
3. Open your heart
4. Open your legs
5. Never close them

And finally: Good things will come to you if you let them in. - Yahoo! Contributor Network

By Sam Phillips, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Tue Apr 12, 4:45 PM PDT

Donald Trump's team of Executive Producers are helping "Celebrity Apprentice" Season 4 star and Oscar nominated actor, Gary Busey, publish his highly anticipated book of "BUSEY-isms."

He's famous for them.

A "BUSEY-ism" is like an acronym in reverse - he takes the letters that spell out the word and breaks them down into new words that create a definition for it.

Gary and I have known each other for a few years, we met in Los Angeles on a talk radio show I was hosting with celebrity plastic surgeon Dr. Frank Ryan, in 2008. Gary's brilliant and sensitive and people underestimate him because he's fun loving and playful.

We talked on the phone the day after he appeared on Leno last week; he was on his way to N.Y. to do Ellen's show this week and George Lopez the next. Gary wanted me to know the "BUSEY-ism" of fun, "F-U-N: Finally Understanding Nothing." He continued, "My teammates are jealous and insecure of me, because I'm very mysterious in how I work, they don't see me coming." I asked him if he's become friends with anyone on his team? "I take them for who they are," he responded.

Here's another BUSEY-ism, ANGER: Another Negative Grievance Explaining Rage.

I told Gary how upsetting it was to watch Meatloaf go nuts on him for no good reason, thinking he had stolen his paints. He said, "He had a good reason. Team Backbone, my team, they have an alliance against me and they've wanted me out, and they didn't get me out. It was just so funny; wait to you see this Sunday night it's going to be hilarity. It's so obvious to the viewer what they're doing 'cause the last board meeting where John Rich was the project manager he said, 'Gary Busey is so out of focus I can't believe it.' And I'm thinking without saying it, 'what about Meatloaf this morning, was that focus for you John?' That was like a blind wolverine on speed."

Gary's charity that he's playing for is The Center for Head Injury Services. "When I had a traumatic brain injury Dec. 4th 1988, it was those people with the brain injury association and the head injury services that brought me back to life, so I wanted to give them money and I made 40,000 dollars for them. It was a beautiful gift; it was like a blessing for me to give back to these people. They were so surprised and shocked. And they're still getting donations from Camping World, because every time they make a profit on the camping equipment that I chose, they send that profit money to Center for Head Injury Services." - Yahoo! Contributor Network

By Sam Phillips – February 1, 2011
Posted in: Departments, Sam Phillips, The Single Life Column With Sammy Phillips

Who in their right mind consciously chooses to stay in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship? A crazy person with self-esteem issues and boatloads full of baggage, that’s who. If you’re smart though, after a while you know when to cut your losses and make a run for it. Or not.

At some point in our lives we have all endured one (or possibly more) of these types of dysfunctional love affairs and we tried to make it work. Why?

There are many contributing factors that prevent a good person from walking away from a bad relationship. Stupidity and fear are two of the biggest reasons. Sometimes you haven’t figured out yet why you’re still there, and other times you do know why, but you’ve either settled or compromised to stay in your situation.

Oftentimes age plays a hand on both ends of the spectrum. Either you’re young and don’t know what your boundaries are yet, or you’re older and have a fear of never finding anyone better. Some like to play savior with people and pick mates that are needy, co-dependent, or who are “diamonds in the rough.” Others have made a deal with the Devil and trade being taken care of for being treated nicely. And then there those who actually believe they can ultimately change a person, or inspire them out of love to go back to being the way they used to at the beginning of dating.

If you are currently and constantly fighting with your significant other, or you feel like you’re riding a roller coaster of up-and-down emotions destination unknown, or you need a peace treaty brokered between the two of you by friends or family every other week – then you need to reevaluate your reasons for being there in the first place.

What are you really looking for from this person, to be needed, saved or entertained? Are you trying to impose your will, or are you of the same mind as your mate? Here’s a little test to see if you should stay in your present relationship, or consider walking away.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Are you 100% committed to making your relationship work?
• Do you unconditionally love and support the person you are with?
• Do you have mutual respect and established boundaries?
• Do you enjoy spending time together?
• Do you consider this person your best friend?
• Do you spend time apart, with your own friends?
• Are you having satisfying sex together on a regular basis?
• Are you both faithful to each other?
• Do your family and friends like this person?
• Do you feel like you are a team fully committed to overcoming your obstacles together?
• Do you truthfully communicate your feelings to this person and actually hear what they are saying back to you?
• Are you selfless in your actions and words without fear of this person’s reprisal or judgment?
• Are you able to compromise what you want at times without feeling resentment towards this person for having to do so?
• Are you able to get past your combined financial burdens?
• Do you pick your battles? And if so, are you able to remove your ego from the equation?
• Do you apologize when you’re wrong?
• Are you both able to go to bed free of anger every night?

If you answered “No” to ANY of these questions, you need to grab a piece of paper, fold it in half and do the old-fashioned “Pros” and “Cons” lists. Start by putting down the answers to the questions I asked you here, and then personalize it with ones that matter to you. Everyone has their own checklist for love. When you’re done, add the columns up. Usually it’s obvious what you should do.

If you answered “Yes” to all of the above – Congratulations! You have the perfect relationship and you must share your story with all of your friends so they can have you guys as an example to aspire to. Hell, we all need role models.

Before giving up on anything I always give it one last go, so I can say I did everything in my power to make it work before finally admitting it didn’t. Sometimes try as you may, it’s impossible to find conflict resolution. In those cases using a neutral 3rd party with no ulterior motives, like a professional therapist or couples counselor, will help you both communicate effectively, find common ground and come to a mutual understanding.

You should walk away from each encounter with every person you meet in your life learning a little bit more about who you are and what makes you happy or unhappy; the opposite sex and what you do or do not require in a partner; relationships and what you will or will not tolerate; and human nature, how our emotions and environment affect the way we solve problems and influence the way we treat others.

The key to making love work is to apply what you’ve learned from your successes, and not repeat your mistakes. And then all you need is to find someone who answered, “Yes” to all my questions!

You can hear more Sam Phillips and The Single Life at Hot Talk LA

You can follow Sam Phillips on Twitter

You can friend Sam Phillips on Facebook

You can find out more about Sam Phillips on Wikipedia - DigN2it Magazine

By Sam Phillips- December 31, 2010
Posted in: Departments, Features, Headlines, Sam Phillips, The Single Life Column With Sammy Phillips

I’ve been around the block so many times that it’d be safe to say I’ve circled the globe at least twice in my quest for sexual satisfaction. When I was younger (I’m 44 now), I was insecure about my body and how men felt about me in general. I was also afraid to tell my partners my feelings or what I wanted them to do to me in bed out of fear of being judged. It took me a long time and a lot of practice to feel confident in my abilities to please others and to learn my body and what made me feel good.

Over the years, I’ve become quite the “sexpert”: All the wiser for my wear and more than willing to share what I’ve learned with you! Here are a few of my tried and true tips to spice up your sex life for the new year – use one, or two, combine three, four or more – it’s all up to you!

#1. Watch a Sexy Movie Together – Let her choose it though. That way she feels she’s in control and you’re not pushing her into watching your sick and twisted fantasies. Plus you’ll both pick up ideas to incorporate into your own lovemaking sessions. (And it’s also a good way to introduce her to Tip #13)

#2. Masturbate in Front of Each Other – And masturbate each other. Nothing’s hotter than watching your partner get off. There’s no better way for you learn what your mate likes having done to them than by seeing them do it to themselves. Then you give it a try.

#3. Talk Dirty – Tell your partner what you want done to you sexually, and what you intend on doing to them. It helps break the ice, plus you end up letting that person know up front what you like in bed. (Use in conjunction with Tip #2)

#4. Role Play – Whether it’s meeting at a random bar and pretending you don’t know each other; you’re the master and she’s the slave; or you’re an intruder, she’s sleeping and you break in and overpower her… it’s good to play around and be other people in the bedroom. Both men and women like variety and this is a good way to satisfy that craving without leaving the relationship.

#5. Dress Up – Throw on a wig and be someone else for a night. Dressing up in lingerie is good too. It doesn’t have to be expensive to get the point across. Or, be adventurous and don a nurse’s uniform or a French maid’s outfit. Getting into character helps you act out your suppressed fantasies. (This works well with Tip #4)

#6. Try a New Position – If you’re a missionary girl, go for it doggy style. If you’re the type who spoons, get on top. Switch it up. Don’t always do the same position over and over. Your partner starts anticipating a specific routine in bed and that takes the fun and spontaneity out of your lovemaking.

#7. Give Massages – Make it a ritual to rub one another every night. It doesn’t need to be a full-blown massage, but it’s important for your partner to feel your touch. Especially if one or both of you has had a hard day. Plus, touching leads to sex!

#8. Plan a Date Night Once a Week – It’s easy to fall into a routine or get bogged down by your daily rituals, especially if you have kids or a demanding job or schedule. You need to plan one night a week to make your partner feel as important as the other things you spend time on.

#9. Do It Outside Your Comfort Zone – Whether you try it with the lights on, in public, or if you have kids; go for it in the closet, bathroom, attic or basement. Banging in hidden and forbidden places heightens the risk factor and creates an adrenaline filled experience.

#10. Experiment with Toys – Dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, bullets, cock rings, nipple clamps, lubes, whips… there are so many choices of sex aid. My advice is to check out the AdamAndEve.com website and pick something out together. Type in the promo code: SAM at checkout for 50% off most items, Free S&H, 3 Free DVD’s and an extra sexy gift.

#11. Use Food – As an aphrodisiac or a sex aid. Food can be used to stimulate your libido (consuming oysters, asparagus, bananas, garlic, chocolate, caviar and champagne), or to lick off your partner’s body (whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey, frozen ice pops and ice cubes).

#12. Restraints – Control seems to play a big role in relationships. Whether you use silk ties, fuzzy cuffs or the real things, it’s nice sometimes to switch up the balance of power, and give up yours. If you’re really adventurous, use a blindfold and a ball gag to create the full effect.

#13. Try a Threesome – If it’s her idea. And don’t use her friend! Someone always ends up crying with hurt feelings: like your girlfriend. My suggestion, hire someone. You pay them to walk away at the end with no drama. (Tip #1 works well as a warm up to this idea)

#14. Install a Stripper Pole – Or take pole-dancing lessons. Face it ladies, guys love strippers. What better way to keep him out of the clubs then by learning the tricks of the trade and becoming his own private dancer?

#15. Bear Gifts – Get Blowjobs! Girls love getting presents, the bigger the trinket and the better the reward you’ll get. Just letting you guys know we like incentive to show you how grateful we are.

Bonus Tip:

#16. Give Up the Ass – If it’s the one thing you’ve been holding out on, use it for leverage. It’s a good bartering tool (ie: I’ll give up my ass, if you’ll… fill in the blank).

You can hear more Sam Phillips and The Single Life at Hot Talk LA

You can follow Sam Phillips on Twitter

You can find out more about Sam Phillips on Wikipedia - DigN2it Magazine

By Sam Phillips Fri., Nov. 19 2010 at 1:20 PM
Categories: Pretty Talk

Sucking dick is my single most favorite thing to do. In the world.

I have other skills and interests coincidentally also involving my mouth, but nothing turns me on more, takes my breath away, makes my tummy tingle or satisfies my urge to service more than giving a guy the best head he's ever had in his entire life. And then him telling me so.

You, too, can learn how to give the perfect blowjob. I'd like to think I've mastered the art through loads of practice and knowing instinctually what the opposite sex wants during oral sex, but really it's because I 100 percent worship the penis. For you cock-swallowing novices, the No. 1 rule of performing the act - is not to. When you get off on what you do, it shows.

I'm not very discerning when it comes to the stick. I really do love them all: big, small, fat,
skinny, cut, uncut, even the deformed one I came across years ago. I am an equal opportunity penis enthusiast; each one has a different personality, as well as individual preferences regarding sensitivity, pace and pressure. What works on one may not work on the rest. You just have to experiment.

The first guy I ever sucked off was a CIT at my Jewish Camp. He was a 15-year-old albino kid named Keith; I was 13 and had braces. We would meet up in an abandoned bunkhouse in the woods every day on a stack of dirty mattresses under a window. This was my training ground and once I mastered how not to cut him with a mouthful of steel, when I got home to Brooklyn I started giving lessons to all my little buddies.

Apparently, according to my cousin Jennifer, I had mailed her a card with one of the albino kid's white pubic hairs in it, one that had gotten stuck in my braces. I remember it being a souvenir I was extremely proud of, but more importantly at the time it was evidence to back up my claims.

I got really good at deep-throating that summer and I decided to share what I learned when I got home. Back in the day when I was teaching my teen friends, I demonstrated on pickles or vegetables I found in our parents' refrigerators, and then they'd mimic my actions on their own organic dildos. For good measure I'd bust out the ice cream and we'd act like it was cum and lick it up dripping off the sides of whatever we were practicing on.

Ladies, if you'd like to perfect your own technique in privacy, grab a variety of produce from your local store and spread them out on a table. Try sucking first on a skinny zucchini, then a fat cucumber, and a long carrot, even a string bean because trust me, they can come that small. Experiment with your own array of crudité to learn about different shapes, sizes, widths and lengths, as well as train your throat to control your gag reflex.

?My co-host Chris Leary on my MavTV show, "The Single Life with Sam Phillips," has a nickname for me: The Oral Bandit. We often joke on air that my home is a revolving door of dudes and there's a line down the street waiting to receive my services. I've been told I give the best head by hundreds and hundreds of guys; I've even had one go on Howard Stern and publicly admit so. At this point I'm thinking I should look into conducting cock-sucking seminars for women who are looking to better their abilities. I mean why be selfish and keep all these secrets to myself?

I'm going to start by chronicling here the many methods I've learned over the years. Look for the next two installments of The Single Life on AfterDarkLA.com to teach you everything I know about oral sex, and soon you too will have a waiting list, just like me!

To hear more of The Single Life go to www.thesinglelife.hottalkla.com

- LA Weekly After Dark

By Sam Phillips Wed., Oct. 20 2010 at 10:00 AM
Categories: L.A. Libido, Pretty Talk

I'm pseudo-famous for being the only chick who's publically admitted she's banged more than 500 guys. To be completely honest, these last few years have been pretty active for me since breaking up with my asshole-ex, so let's just round it up to the next big number and make it an even 600.

You cannot bang as many guys as I have and not put out on the first date. I am a big fan of this practice because I don't get out much. When I do go on a date that means you've been prescreened and preselected, and I already know I want to sleep with you. Hopefully that night. For me it's a must and I strongly encourage every young woman I meet to do the same. I think it's very important to sample the goods before you commit to purchasing the big-ticket item.

There is a double standard when it comes to the sexes. Guys who fuck on the first date are considered studs but girls who do the same are sluts. It's funny, I recently asked a guy friend of mine (coincidentally named Guy) how he felt about a chick that put out on the first date, and he responded, "Oh that's cool, but I'd never call her again." Not untypical, but of course he would have no problem banging her that one time.

Guys like Guy expect that we want a call the next day, but who's to say that all of us do? Personally, I'm secure enough that if I never speak to you again after we fuck, it's OK. It just means it didn't work out - on to the next!

Some women have expectations of a relationship beyond what with all intent and purpose is a one-night stand, and that's their mistake. Others are like men, driven on a sexual level without the need for intimacy beyond the act.
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If you ever come across a chick like me, guys, you are a lucky son of a bitch. All of my long-term relationships were born from doing it the first night, and not one of those men judged me for it because they felt the same way.

Us girls, we know within the first 5 minutes of meeting if we want to fuck you, and I say why wait? Just because a chick is comfortable with her sexuality doesn't mean she's not a good candidate to take home to mom. If you're both attracted to each other wouldn't you rather know up front if you're sexually compatible?

There was one time I followed the "rules" and waited until I got to know the guy before we banged. A bad move that ultimately reinforced my beliefs. A month later when we finally took it to the bedroom, I was about to stick his penis in my mouth for the first time when I realized I was face-to-face with a crazy looking cock whose tip looked like a hammerhead shark.

As shocked as I was, it didn't stop me from performing the act because I'm not rude, but I certainly wasn't looking to repeat the performance. Had I banged him that first night though, I wouldn't have gotten emotionally involved or spent the time getting to know him on that level.

There's nothing worse than buyer's remorse. I prefer to know up front what I'm spending my money on.

To hear more of the Single Life, visit TheSingleLife.HotTalkLA.com. - LA Weekly After Dark

By Sam Phillips Sat., Oct. 23 2010 at 12:35 AM
Categories: L.A. Libido, Pretty Talk

Iconic pornographer, media mogul and Penthouse Magazine founder Bob Guccione lost his long-time battle with throat cancer Wednesday in Plano, Texas. He was 79.

By his side was his fourth wife, esteemed Penthouse magazine feature writer April Dawn Warren Guccione; Tonina, his daughter with first wife Lilyann Becker; and Bob Jr., his son with second wife Muriel Hudson. Also surviving Guccione Sr. are three other children he had with Hudson, Nina, Tony and Nick.

Everything I've read online has concentrated on his net worth, poor health, financial woes, bad investments, legal battles, scandals associated with his magazine, and how he's helped to shape and ultimately transform the industry of pornography.

I'd like to tell you about the side of Bob you don't know.

I owe my career to Bob Guccione, as I sit here today. He forever altered the course of my life in June 1993, when he printed my centerfold in Penthouse. Before becoming a Pet I had a decade of teen modeling under my belt, and at the time was a horror movie icon ("Phantasm II") and had just co-starred in the feature film "Weekend At Bernie's II."

The most I'd been nude in print prior to Penthouse was for Self magazine, lying on my stomach naked on the floor for a story about the complexity of skin. I was also in Elle magazine running topless (I wore a 32B at the time) to sell handbags that were strewn over my shoulders. And my bare back covered Ms. magazine back in May 1984 for a health and beauty special issue. I was pretty comfortable shooting without clothes on, but it wasn't until I met Bob and shot for Penthouse that I actually showed my vagina in a photograph - and close up!

?I didn't have the typical deal that the other Pets did. At the time, summer 1992, I was dating Richie Sambora from the group Bon Jovi and flew to New York to visit him and meet with Bob and his then wife Kathy Keeton at their 17,000-foot townhouse on east 67th street. We were to negotiate my centerfold rate for shooting my pictorial, a rate that was higher than any other Pet's at the time, and discuss my personal comfort zone, which was pretty conservative for Penthouse.

Everyone has a line they will not cross; mine was insertion. No fingers, toys, nothing.

"If you see my vagina straight on, or with me bent over, or my legs apart, cool - but I do not want gynecological-type shots where everything is open and you can see my cervix," I said.

I also stated I did not feel comfortable doing a girl-girl layout, which all centerfolds were additionally required to do at the time. Although I had done such acts in my private life, I wasn't ready to do them on camera.

Bob sat surrounded by a hoard of huge dogs, and was clad in what I called his "uniform" - a telltale silk puffy pirate shirt, which he wore on every occasion unbuttoned down to his waist, tanned skin and several gold chains. He extended his firm hand in my direction, shook mine and told me, "deal." He accepted my terms and supported my career decisions.
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I planned to use my centerfold to promote my ventures and was asking for a lot of cash to get naked. Bob told me he wanted to make me Pet of the Year to at least get his money's worth - and when I backed out of the company entirely in 1995 at the request of my then-fiancé Detroit Tigers player Mickey Tettleton, he could have sued me. But he didn't.

Bob and I had an unusual relationship. I like to think it's because I approached him with confidence and an already strong career path, but I also know it's because we both come from Brooklyn and were survivors of the streets. I had lived on them, he had peddled them. He and I had a lot in common.

He respected that despite being thrown out of the house by my mother as a teenager, I had made something of myself through boundless determination and diligent hard work. He knew I was making a huge mistake leaving Penthouse to follow my heart, but also knew that it was my mistake to make. He eventually forgave me following a $300 flower arrangement (sent in apology) and a lot of time.

Mickey and I ended up splitting the month we were to be married, just before I would have been named Pet of the Year. My friend Gina LaMarca took my spot, and in the end I lost both - the title and the guy. That's the last time I've ever walked away from a work opportunity for a relationship.

Today I am most comforted by the bonds I share with my Penthouse family. Some of my closest friends are Pets: Seana Ryan, Alexus Winston, Juliet Cariaga, Aimee Sweet, Sunny Leone, Cheyanne Silver, Shauna O'Brien, Aria Giovanni, Emma Nixon, Shay Lauren, Kayden Kross, Charlie Laine, Amy Lynn Baxter, Dyanna Lauren, Ava Vincent and Brandi Lee Braxton, among others.
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Even though I left the company in 1995, I still maintained my association with them and was allowed access to all the new girls for my mainstream media projects. In the end I became Penthouse's client.

I worked for Penthouse parent company General Media Inc. doing promotions as Miss June 1993, and represented Bob everywhere from racetracks and boxing matches to convention centers and film festivals. I took very seriously the honor that was given by him personally, and I was proud to don my Penthouse key, which still circles my neck in memorial, everywhere I went.

?Of all the things I'm famous for - the radio, hosting TV shows, reporting, music videos, B-movies acting and production, high-fashion modeling - I'm most known for being a Penthouse Pet centerfold. That credit will come first before anything else, every time my name is in print or on TV.

You know how once you've been president, you're referred to as such until the day you die? It's the same thing with us Penthouse centerfolds; we have an elite club, too. No matter what you go on to become in life, once you're a Pet, you're always a Pet.

And I thank Bob for that every time I look at my neck.

View more iconic photos here.

To hear more of the Single Life, visit TheSingleLife.HotTalkLA.com. - LA Weekly After Dark

By Sam Phillips Wed., Feb. 23 2011 at 11:00 AM
Categories: Hints & Advice, Pretty Talk

When you hear someone use the term, "No Strings Attached," (NSA) you automatically assume they mean they have a friend with benefits type fuck buddy, or a booty call situation. Then you think to yourself, "Wow. Lucky them! How do I find one of those?"

There are other types of NSA pacts to ponder if you're interested in that sort of thing. In fact you may be having one right now, reader, and not even know it.

Take one-night stands; these are great for having no strings. The term also applies to open relationships, swingers and polyamorous lifestyles. Not to mention extramarital affairs, hooking up with an ex for sex, dudes on the DL, gay for pay, or paying for sex in any way -- which is my favorite form of NSA, because you hire them to go away at the end of the day.

A few weeks ago I hosted a Q&A session prior to a private screening (before it hit the theaters), of Paramount Pictures' new film release "No Strings Attached" starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. In attendance was a standing-room-only swarm of listeners who had won tickets on a local radio station here in Los Angeles.

The marketing firm running the show printed up hand-held signs on sticks and handed them out to the audience. On the one side the signs read, "AGREE," and on the other, "DISAGREE."

I introduced myself to the packed cinema and explained that my session was 100 percent interactive. Then I told them to grab their paddles and please feel free to scream shit at me, which they did.

I also promised that by the time I was done, we'd each know the stranger sitting next to us much better, which would be really great for those who were there solo.

So I asked them, "How many of you here tonight are single? Married? In a No Strings Attached relationship - or would like to be in one?"

Nearly the entire room raised their hands when I inquired who was single. Then the crowd booed as the 10 people who were married lifted theirs. And of course everyone erupted in whoops and whistles after I asked if they were either having or wanted to be in a NSA-type arrangement.

I looked around. Age wasn't a factor here, nor was race or gender. It was a mish-mash of young and old, Black/Caucasian/Asian/Latino, and equally split between men and women. I was shocked at their responses. This group was way more open-minded than I had expected them to be. Or maybe they were just super excited to see the movie.

My next question to the backlit faces opposite me was, "Have you ever used a person for sex and then stayed friends with them afterwards?" The whole place went nuts waving their arms and yelling, "Hell, yeah!"

People also randomly shouted stuff at me - marriage proposals, requests for my phone number. One thing was certain in the melee, everyone there agreed that a friendship CAN survive after you've slept together but it really depends on the circumstances and whom it was with.

When quizzed, both sexes established the fact that we girls are more likely to become clingy and let our emotions get in the way. They also agreed that guys take advantage of those of us who are open to (and filling a void with) casual sex. The whole crowd concurred: chicks who are easy to get in the sack are secretly hoping it leads to something more, and whoever cares the least has the most power in the situation.

Interestingly, when I polled the females in the room and asked which was more important - pursuing their careers or settling down - 90 percent said they were more focused on work, but agreed it was possible to "have it all."

The clique also collectively expressed that males should show their emotions more. [Note to playas.]

Those in attendance with a penis all admitted they had their hearts broken at some point in their lives, which had affected their ability to commit again. The room burst out, "Awwww!"

They also wanted the ladies to know that they think it's attractive when we're self-sufficient and we don't need to rely on them. [Note to self.]

If you haven't seen "No Strings Attached" on the silver screen yet, you should. I loved it! Normally I hate romantic comedies but the theme of this picture struck a chord. Not to mention both Portman and Kutcher are really funny in it.

Being the over-achieving alpha female that I am with no free time for intimacy, I identified with Portman's character, a busy doctor to-be in med school. In the beginning of the flick Kutcher goes through a bad break-up and isn't looking for a hook up with hang-ups. These two end up having sex one night and the issue becomes, as best friends, can they be sex friends?
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You have to see it to find out what happens in the end, but they do discover establishing ground rules helps.

It's easier to maintain this type of an association when both parties are on the same page so there are no hurt feelings or unmet expectations. If this is an experience you'd like to explore, here's a list of guidelines to follow that I've culled from the film, and then added a few from my own personal arsenal.

The key to making it work is having set boundaries that you both adhere to.

"No Strings Attached" Rules:

No jealousy

No lying

No expectations

No commitment

No fighting

No flowers

No clothed spooning

No shared breakfasts

No baby voices

No "I miss you"

No emoticons

No open bathroom doors

No holding hands in public

No body part nicknames

No mix tapes...


Sammy's NSA Rules:

No having my home phone number

No sleeping over anyone's place

No hanging out more than once in the same week

No sending each other text messages the next day

No stashing clothes or leaving stuff behind


To hear more of The Single Life visit TheSingleLife.hottalkla.com.

Follow The Single Life on Twitter.com/TheSingleLife.

Friend Sam on Facebook.

Watch "The Single Life With Sam Phillips" on MavTV. - LA Weekly After Dark

By Sam Phillips Mon., Apr. 18 2011 at 12:52 PM
Categories: Hints & Advice, L.A. Libido

?I've got a professional - and HOT - stripper within arm's reach, so I thought to ask her to give strip club fans across the country some advice.

Whether you're a tittie-bar first-timer or a hardcore connoisseur, here are some etiquette guidelines for how to best behave at a gentleman's club.

1. Buy at least a couple of drinks and a few dances while you're there. The venue doesn't just provide free cable - the club, its hot bartenders, and talented dancers rely on you to be a patron, not a parasite.


2. Offer a gal a cocktail if you're interested in spending time with her, and if you're not interested in a lap dance please be polite when turning her down.

3. If you are sitting around the stage you should tip at least one dollar per song, per performer. When there are a few of you in a group, you should all be spending money, not just one dude.

4. Speaking of money, if you give a girl $5 she will spend more time with you than if you gave her a dollar. Entertainers have to pay to work (it's called a 'house fee') and, similar to a waitress, they work to make tips.

5. Know the rules of the club. Each one is different; some allow more "mileage" (contact) than others. Ask your individual stripteuse what her boundaries are.

6. This is the ultimate "pretend first date" experience. Guys are there to live out a fantasy and the girls are there to sell it - not act it out with you. No touching means no touching.

7. Please don't ask for their phone numbers - the dancers are not there to date you. They are not private escorts; they provide a public service in a R-rated playground environment.

8. The pole artists prefer when you don't ask for their real names. They all have alter egos and tend to keep their private lives private.

9. New to an establishment? Befriend the VIP host. He'll help you find the blonde, brunette, redhead, Black, Asian or Latina you're looking for. Tip this guy $20 (or more) and you'll be guaranteed to have the best seat in the house.

10. How you dress and present yourself is important. You're there to impress. Body odor is bad. Please shower prior to going out and chew gum for pleasant breath. Ladies approach the men who look and smell clean.

11. Don't get too wasted. The women don't want you vomiting in the bathroom or having buyer's remorse the next day - plus they want you to get home safely.

And the final tip? Here's one for the females:

12. A message for the chicks who come in with their men: Don't worry. The strippers respect that you're a couple and do not want to steal him from you. But the "no touching" rule applies to you too missy - just because you're the same sex doesn't mean you can grope the girls. And if you wear a miniskirt that hikes up to your waist when you are getting a lap dance, please wear underwear and wash your vagina. Dancers notice everything when they are between your legs. - LA Weekly After Dark

By Sam Phillips Wed., Jul. 6 2011 at 4:23 PM
Categories: Hints & Advice, L.A. Libido, The Single Life

College can be the best four years of your life, or the worst depending on your Facebook status: "Single," "In a Relationship," or "It's Complicated."

A sexual coming of age for most students, going away to school is their first time living alone, free of restrictions, curfews and parental control. Finally there's no one saying "No" to coed sleepovers.

If you're fortunate enough to reside off campus then you have the freedom to do as you please, but dorm life can be a cross between living at home and living in a prison - often with someone else paying for it.

Wherever you lay your head, privacy is an issue when you live in close quarters. Scheduling alone time is like negotiating a NATO treaty: two strategic commands needing to operate in the same territory will create a no fly-zone. It's the same with horny undergrads.

Campuses are breeding grounds for rampant alcohol-induced promiscuity. They can also be a barren wasteland of lonely guys holding their own dicks come Friday night.

If you don't want to fly solo through your semester here are 11 guidelines for guys to make sure you're first in line for takeoff and cruising at the right altitudes:

1. Rub-a-Dub

Hygiene is key. Pay attention to your hair, teeth, nails and other body parts. That goes for your clothes, too. Always keep your room neat and tidy; you never know when the party's coming back to your place.

2. Banging classmates

Don't poop where you eat - if it doesn't work out you're left with a mess. Similar to office romances, when it's over someone ends up having to relocate.

3. Move on

Don't chase a parked car. You can't force someone to fall in love with you, and at a certain point it's called stalking. Know your type and whom to target.

4. Lip service

You're not "the only one," and yes, they've done it before, with someone else. Chances are if you're you are second-guessing their protests your instinct is right.

5. Social Networks

Use them. Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are great for online intercourse when you can't get the real thing. The more virtual friends you have, the better your chances to connect in real life.

6. Take a position

Join the debate team. Whether you believe in a cause or not, the ability to argue your case comes across as confidence. And chicks dig swagger.

7. Be present

Stay interested and interesting at the same time. It's about your confidence, attitude, presentation, personality and humor. Be the life of the party and go the extra mile to make her smile.

8. Work it

Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who can provide, with extra cash to burn on them. Juggling more than one job or internship also helps with college expenses, plus it looks good on a resume.

9. Join a club

Whatever your extracurricular interest, there's an organization out there for you. This is a great way to meet like-minded singles and there's always an opportunity to mingle.

10. Self-love

It's hard to do when you have a roommate but it's necessary for students to release built up tension (and sperm). Skip the awkward scheduling and head straight to the showers.

11. Wrap it up

Be responsible. College is a safe environment to experiment - if you play by the rules. Prevent unwanted pregnancy and the transmission of STI's and HIV by always using condoms.

To see more of The Single Life visit TheSingleLifeRadioShow.com.

To hear more of The Single Life visit TheSingleLife.hottalkla.com

Follow The Single Life on Twitter.com/TheSingleLife

Friend Sam on Facebook

Watch "The Single Life With Sam Phillips" on MavTV.
Tags:
Hints&Advice, LA Libido, The Single Life
- LA Weekly After Dark

By Sam Phillips Thu., Jun. 23 2011 at 9:00 AM
Categories: Hints & Advice, L.A. Libido, Unstuffy Sex

I'm not exactly the most "ass-friendly" person I know. In the past when men attempted to penetrate my pooper, my standard response was always, "It's an exit dude, not an entrance."

Despite my reputation for having a large sexual appetite, that's the one dish I've had an issue serving.

My backside may have been more receptive to invasion had the few that dared been sensitive in broaching the subject.

Guys: You cannot poke a girl in the asshole with your penis and expect it to slide right in. Would that happen if I just tried to stick a dick in your ass?

We're on the same page, then.

Ladies: If you've been traumatized by callous lovers in the past then you know that some men have no idea how to park the ship without damaging the port. Gaining access to the rear canal takes time, patience and practice, but mainly it requires constant foreplay and lubrication.

Whether you're an anal advocate currently trying to get a girl to have butt sex with you, or you're a newbie considering taking the plunge for the first time, here's a list of 7 tips for the beginner getting it on in the behind:

1. Pep Talk
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Guys, if you're currently trying to get a girl to have ass sex with you and she's resistant, there are a few things you should address before attempting to open her back door - starting with the reason why she doesn't want you to.

Her opposition may be because she's tried it before and it wasn't a pleasant experience. If that's the case, you need to reassure her this time that with you, she's in good hands.
If it's something psychological, there may be past sexual trauma and it's best not to push the issue beyond getting her to open up about it.

2. Clean Up
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You want to make sure there's no poop in the shooter. Ew, but essential. Pay proper attention to hygiene prior to so it's one less thing to worry about during sex.

Ladies, you should shower and use an enema to empty your colon and rectal region. Not to be gross, but no dude wants "dingleberries" on his dick/condom when he pulls out. It's awkward.

You may want to keep baby wipes by the bed and lay a towel under you during the act in case there are any fecal remnants or you need to wash off. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

3. More Foreplay

Having an object inserted into one's anus is not the most comfortable feeling, especially if it's of a substantial size. To be honest, it makes you feel like you have to take an enormous shit.

The best way to combat this sensation is to dazzle your lady with distraction by turning her on. Kiss her, suck her nipples, eat her out and tease her all over with your fingers, lips and tongue.

Speaking of fingers - guys, it's important to keep your nails trimmed especially if you're inserting them in an orifice, and please wash your hands before coming to bed.

Reassure her that you intend on spending as much time as she needs to feel relaxed and comfortable, and make sure you continue with foreplay throughout your sex session. Women are like Tootsie Pops; it takes a lot of licks to get to our soft center.

4. Use Toys
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Foreplay includes rear end stimulation. Shop together prior to the big night and have your girl pick out her idea of the perfect sized anal trainer. Novelties for the novice can be found in any sex toy store or online toy site.

In bed pay attention to her erogenous zones (ears, neck, breasts, navel, inner thighs, clitoris, etc.) while working your way down to her asshole. Lick it slowly and tickle it lightly with your tongue, then insert the tip and leave it there for a few seconds. Do this a couple of times and soon the outer sphincter muscles will start to loosen up.


Introduce the trainer. Have her insert it (so she's in control), lubed up, in her bottom, and leave it there while you guys fool around a while. When you remove it, her butthole will have been trained to stay open and relaxed around your penis, making it easier to be entered.

5. Safety First
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Anal Intercourse is considered a high-risk sexual practice so it's best to use condoms whenever engaging in it. The thin membrane inside the rectum is more prone to rips and tears than the tissue inside the vaginal canal which makes it easier to transmit the spread of HIV, HPV, Hep C, herpes, warts and other STD's.

Another big no-no is going from ass-to-vag with fingers, toys or cocks. We girls never wipe back-to-front on the toilet because it transfers bacteria to our vaginas. Boys, if you want to double dip, change condoms in between holes and wash your hands with wipes.

6. Over Lubricate
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Your rectum doesn't manufacture its own moisture so you are going to have to compensate by using lube -- lots and lots of lube. This is another reason having a towel in bed comes in handy.

Using a thicker gel is preferred over liquid for anal activities. Not only does it increase pleasure, reduce pain and prevent friction, but the consistency helps to keep the lubricant in place.

Never use lubrication with numbing properties because you won't be able to feel if you're being injured. Also beware the ones containing benzocaine as they will numb any body parts they come into contact with and can cause an allergic reaction in some people.
Read more about lubrication and how to choose the best product for you HERE.

7. Getting Down
?
Contrary to popular belief, "doggy style" is not the preferred position for an ass sex first-timer. Believe it or not, it's missionary. The anus is the most relaxed and accessible when a person lies on his or her back with knees by the shoulders. This position also allows easy stimulation to the clitoris.

"Spooning" is great for comfortable entry while giving the receiver control over penetration and depth. This is very important for the beginner. Inserting the head herself and having power over the pace will ensure minimal pain and injury.

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