SHAT

Shat
Cuntree
BUDDYHEAD
Cunt nectar sold separately

I have a pretty solid game plan for getting the most out of a Shat album:
a) Make sure nobody is within 20 feet of my cubicle/desk/stereo.
b) Spread open lyric sheet, generally in 3 point Arial or some shit since every word uttered in every song is inexplicably printed out (see: "it's time to poopie on her boobies" 11 times on "Shit on Her Tits").
c) Spend obligatory five seconds shaking head in disbelief that Jeff Wood used to play in the Dillinger Escape Plan.
d) Spend obligatory five seconds shaking head in disbelief at how well-produced and chunky this idiocy is.
e) Laugh ass off every few songs—mean average: 30 seconds—at incomparably brilliant song title, which generally doubles as 95% of lyrics (see: "What the Fuck Do You Think Christina Aguilera Is Doing Right Now?"; "Mama's Little Baby Loves Suckin' Dicks").
f) Get bored, count number of times "cunt" appears in song titles (surprisingly low 9 out of 69).
g) Count number of times any reference to female anatomy appears in song titles (just right 24 out of 69).
h) Consider playing parts that made me laugh out loud for friends.
i) Resist urge to play parts that made me laugh out loud for friends, seek psychiatric help.
j) Throw up in mouth at tasteless halfway point (see: "My Menstrual Art Gallery")
k) Review record for national magazine, pretend I didn't love every second via mediocre rating. —Andrew Bonazelli - Decibel Magazine

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of SHAT, the twisted brain-child of Mr. Jeff Wood. If one were to actually refrain from listening to this work of genius, they would only be cheating themselves of what would surely be a life changing experience. Doubters be damned, believers be saved. SHAT is here to salvage your soul, as well as the sorry state of modern rock n roll. SHAT is the natural extension of idiot savant, true rebel icon, and underground porno star Jeff Wood. SHAT could quite possibly be our generations Bob Dylan, or perhaps James Taylor with a particular predilection for vernacular references to the more choice pieces of the female anatomy. Jeff Wood, born a normal human being in beautiful New Jersey, has lived a storybook life, a tale as intriguing as it is inspiring TRUE STORY! Several years ago, Jeff Wood, an already budding musical prodigy was forever transformed into a modern day superhero when a stray bullet was lodged into his frontal lobe as he stood by innocently and unknowingly during a gang shootout in Los Angeles. This in fact could have been the actual and factual true Magic Bullet. Instead of killing Wood, it remained firmly in place as he lay a bed-ridden victim, and the small shard of mystical metal began manifesting and awakening previously unknown powers in Jeff Wood. As he relearned menial day-to-day tasks such as tying his shoes, he found that his musical gifts had not only remained unaffected, but had taken on a quality of twisted uber-genius. Gone forever from his once normal brain were trivial thoughts and worries of the average mind, and replaced with a child-like primal mind driven by sex, food, and rock n roll music. With the transformation complete, the world was ready to be saved, and Jeff Wood was the chosen one. Thus, the true essence of SHAT is the basic nature of life: fucking, feeding, and rocking like none other. SHAT is here to elevate the quality of todays bland music scene by writing songs which Wood claims consist of nothing but choruses, as well as liberal usage of the word cunt. SHAT songs are anthems for the average working man, and the misfit miscreant in us all. Every day people who work as laborers and lawn mowers (Woods secret identity being a common landscaper) can relate to the common themes expressed in such songs as Thank God For Pussy, Show Your Tits, and of course, Shit On Her Tits. These are just a few of the key tracks from SHATs sophomore album CUNTREE. CUNTREE is the follow up to the hugely successful underground classic THE CUNT CHRONICLES. Both of these landmark releases serve to prove that bullets in the brain quite possibly give one a supernatural access to musical gifts beyond that of other mortal musicians. Over the course of listening to these 69 songs in 69 minutes, one cannot help but be converted into a SHAT believer. The masterwork that is CUNTREE will undoubtedly inspire legions of struggling musicians to wander the streets of Compton after dark in hopes of catching a hot lead head wound, and inheriting a modicum of the superhuman talent displayed in these tracks. Songs like I Fucked Your Wife and Give Cunt A Chance guarantee to convince the world that SHAT is the future of rock n roll, Jeff Wood is the musical messiah, and were all here to be saved whether we are prepared for it or not. - South By Southwest

Hailing from New Jersey, Shat is the twisted genius of band mastermind and singer Jeff Wood, formerly of such bands Dillinger Escape Plan, and M.O.D. Shat is something like G.G. Allen meets 2 Live Crew and a little bit of James Hetfield (circa 86) mixed in for good measure. Jeff Wood is also an underground porno star/celebrity, has starred in a porno for Burning Angel and is one of the few people alive who can say they actually have a bullet in their head. Cuntree is the follow up album to the underground classic debut album The Cunt Chronicles. This album contains 69 tracks in 69 minutes. Shat's first album has been a consistent seller for over 3 years, and has earned Shat a sizeable cult following. - Insound.com

Ten seconds in, it's not any easier to determine whether the question in the title is rhetorical or not. Maybe italics help. "What the fuck do you think Christina Aguilera is doing right now?" No, doesn't help. But by now Shat, a.k.a. Jeff Wood, has moved on to the potential answers. Highlights include "thumbin' herself," "eatin' a cunt" (from the low-hanging cunt tree in the liner notes, maybe?) and "changin' her rag." More realistic answers (sleeping, breathing, doing some plain vanilla-style fucking) aren't included, though. Shat's crunched power chords follow Woods' voice over each line, punctuating the urgency. But he really doesn't care what she's doing—he just wants to close the emotional distance that separates him from her, that stops him from knowing, for sure, what the fuck Christina Aguilera is doing right now. Woods has his list of preferences: "I wish that I could take off all her clothes"... "I wish that I could fuck her all the time"... "I can't believe my my dick ain't in her 'ayce.'" But these are all daydreams—and therein lies the song's tragedy. You can hear the yearning; she is Heloise to his Abelard. But not even Woods's voice, straining against the gruff limits of his range, can make Xtina materialize. The question is as beside the point as its boring answer: She's doing a bunch of stuff with some shortdick named Jordan Bratman. Not Shat. - JESSICA SUAREZ - Paper Thin Walls

Shat. Also a name of a band. Some may say it is tasteless, but those people are probably just prudes or Orthodox Christians. Let's face it, not everyone could handle Jeff Wood and his hierarchy of needs: rock music, food, bowel movements, and women. Not in any particular order, I didn't ask.

Although people like to talk about the "fluff" surrounding the band, like the dildos and half nakedness, the band is for those with a sense of humor and want the real deal.

And if you wanna know the whole history of the band, go to this place. Jeff has an interesting story, like getting shot in the head and then getting super powers.

So, I emailed him and asked him some basic questions and he responded very quickly. I guess he doesn't have penis-head's he has to get "OK'd" for stuff like this. By the way, I didn't edit any of this, honestly. I could have spell checked, but it would have taken the fun out of it. The content of his answers are priceless.

Q & A With Jeff Wood of SHAT

1. For all those prudes out there, what is your advice for them 'coming out' of their shells?
WELL FOR YOU PRUDE WOMEN, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR SHELL UNTIL I CAN FIND YOU. THE ONLY VIRGENS LEFT SEEM TO BE 10 YEAR OLDS THESE DAYS. I'LL WAIT. FOR MEN, GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GET OUT THERE. IF YOUR NOT OUT AT THE BARS OR OUT ON THE TOWN YOU ARNT GOING TO MEET WOMAN. IN ORDER TO BE SUCSESSFUL WITH WOMAN YOU MUST APPROACH CHICKS. APPROACH AT LEAST 15 WOMAN A DAY. IF YOU DONT HAVE GAME OR THE GIFT OF GAB, A SIMPLE "HELLO, MY NAME IS...." IS A GREAT START.
THIS MUST ME DONE AT LEAST 4 TIMES A WEEK AND THE MORE YOU DO IT THE BETTER AND MORE SUCSESSFUL YOU WILL BE.

2. Is touring rocking your world?
TOURING ALWAYS DOES. I TRAINED FOR 4 MONTHS FOR THIS TOUR, GOING TO THE GYM, LOOSING WAIT NOT ONLY BECAUSE I WANTED TO LOOK GOOD FOR ALL THE MINT CHICKS, BEING THAT I'M 90% NAKID ON STAGE - THE DILDOS, BUT ALSO CAUSE I KNEW THAT I WOULDNT BE EATING RIGHT, BE ABLE TO GET TO A GYM EVERYDAY, AND DRINKING EVERY NIGHT WITH MINIMUL SLEEP. BUT THATS O.K. CAUSE THE FUN IM HAVING RIGHT NOW MAKES UP FOR IT AND TRAINING BEFORE TOUR HELPED ME BE IN SHAPE TO BE ABLE TO PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR AND CONTINUE TO MANAGE LIFE ON THE ROAD, WICH ANT EASY. THIS IS THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER BEEN OUT WITH SHAT 40 SHOWS IN A ROW, WE HAVE 6 DAYS LEFT AND MY VOICE IS TORN UP SO IT ANGERS ME THAT I CAN SING 100% EVERY NIGHT BUT I DO GIVE A 100% PERFORMANCE THAT MAKES UP FOR IT NO MATTER IF THERE IS 30 PEOPLE OR 350 I STILL PERFORM LIKE I'M PLAYING IN FRONT OF 30,000 PEOPLE.
WHEN I WAS IN DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN I DID 2 AND A HALF MONTHS STREIGHT, THIS YEAR IS SHATS 5 TH YEAR IN A ROW DOING THIS AND I'LL BE DOING IT AGAIN NEXT YEAR. AINT BAD FOR A 38 YEAR OLD I WOULD HAVE TO ADD.

3. It is rumored that you are / used to mow lawns for a living. Is this true and if it is, did you have lemonade brought to you?
I DONT MOW LAWNS, JUST MY OWN. I TREAT LAWNS. I WORK AT A TREE/LAWN SERVICE GREENWOOD LAWN AND TREE. I AM IN THE LAWN DEPT. ALL WE DO IS THE SAME LAWN DOCTOR DOES, FERTILIZER, WEED CONTROL, CRABGRASS, DISEASE CONTROL, AERATIONS, ECT. NO CUTTING OR LAND SCAPING. I DRIVE A 4 WHEELED CART THAT PUTS THE STUFF DOWN ALL AT ONCE. ITS COOL TO BE OUTSIDE AND EVEN COOLER I GET LAIED OFF FOR THE SEASON EVERY YEAR FOR 3 MONTHS, COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT, AND GO ON TOUR EVERY YEAR AT THE SAME TIME. UNUMPLOYMENT HAS DIRECT DEPOSITE NOW SO WHEREVER I AM ON THE ROAD I JUST CALL THE # AND THE MONEY GOES INTO MY ACCOUNT, SO I GUESS I CAN THANK THE U.S. GOVERNMENT FOR PLAYING FOR MY TOUR EVERY YEAR EVEN THOW IT THE FUCKING MONEY I EARNED.

4. Now that you lost weight and look way hotter, do you find it easier to get chicks?
GETTING CHICKS IS NEVER EASY, YOU KNOW HOW YOU ARE, HAHAHA.
I HAVE FOUND THAT LOOKING BETTER, I'M ABLE TO HOOK WITH OR AT LEAST LEAST APPROACH 10'S AND ACTUALY GET THEM. IF NOT THEN I'LL WORK MY WAY DOWN BUT AT LEAST IM ABLE TO START AT THE TOP WITH CONVIDENCE BUT TO BE HONEST IF YOU HAVE CONVEDENCE AND ARE A GREAT GIFT OF GAB YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO NAIL 10'S EVEN IF YOUR NOT THE MOST HANDSOME DUDE ON YOUR BLOCK. I HAVE ALSO DECREACED THE # OF FAT PIGS I BANG EVEN THOUGH I FEEL THAT FAT GIRLS NEED LOVE TO. PLUS NOT ONLY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE BUT THEY DONT GET FUCKED THAT OFTEN, SO WHEN THEY DO THERE MORE THAN GENERIOUS.
BUT MY GAME IS AT A HIGH RIGHT NOW SO I HAVE BEEN BANGIN SOME VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, EVEN A FEW STRIPPERS.

5. Was this as fun as you thought it would be?
I MAKE THE BEST OF EVERY SITUATION, FOR AS MUCH FUN THAT COMES WITH THIS PUNK ROCK TOURING SITUATION WHICH IS LIVING IN A VAN AND STAYING AT PEOPLES HOUSES THAT PUT US UP, AND MAKING JUST ENOUGH MONEY TO NOT STARVE, ITS ALSO ALOT OF WORK AND U DEFF HAVE TO HAVE A STRONG MIND AND HEART TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO DO WHAT SHAT DOES AT THE LEVEL WE ARE AT WHICH IS CLOSE TO A TOURING GARAGE BAND. EVERY YEAR DOES GET A BIT BETTER MAKING A FEW MORE DOLLARS A SHOW, HAVING A FE - Sound Wave Constellations

Shat - Jeff Wood. A man who has achieved legendary status amongst a select few. He has been shot in the head amidst LA riots, is some sort of huge daunting mascot for USA cynic-rock label Buddyhead and has a sense of humour based around sex and disgust. His live shows involve inflatable dolls, nudity and dildos. And this is his Best of...
65 tracks, each one sounds like some sort of comedy grindcore mixed with a lobotmised primus, and generally consists of the title being repeated for about a minute. The titles include "I Threw up on her Cunt", "Tit Fuck" ("my cock, your breasts..."), and "I got a Boner and I Want to Bone Her". 65 tracks. They'll start heavy (the guitarist from The Dillinger Escape Plan plays live) then maybe have a deliberatly corny refrain, the evivalent of the "waa - waaaaaaaaaah" sound when someone gets hit in the face with a pie on TV. Theres the occasional sub-grunge mock ballad like "If She Has A Kid You Know She Fucks" (logical I guess), and the Eminem style public warning to open the album.
So, now you know pretty much exactly what this Album sounds like. An incredibly simplified Bloodhound Gang/Napalm Death crossover, if you will.
No comment...
Shat - Drowned in Sound

Buddyhead.com reports Britney Spears' management have sent a cease and desist notice to Jeff Wood of the band Shat, over what they call "completely offensive cover artwork" for Shat's album "C*** Flavored Lollipops". Britney's image is used on the album cover with a lollipop showing a female genitalia. Jeff plans on sending the letter to the website soon and they'll publish it. - Pop Dirt