Space Cretins

Punk, Glam, Rock and Roll, Science Fiction, it all comes to a fine boil in the hands of the Cretins. The band rocks. I might be going on a mission soon to find out just who exactly Paul Ace Diamond Blow, the main man, is. There is something almost mythical about the man…and I might need to get to the bottom of this. Hell, I think I know who he is…but I don't want to look like an idiot.
- Carl (?)

This is an amazing album. Seldom do I feel like I just did blow off a hooker's ass while she pays me for the ride of her life. Now come on, that is a ski trip worth attending! That in a nutshell, is ROCKET ROLL, a 10-song salute to the religion of excess. This release is the latest and greatest installment by the Space Cretins in their quest to spread all the filth they can muster. Each song is packed with a ferocity that demands a second listen. Should the album have a few more solos? Of course! But come on—who can play a solo when you are nearly blacked out drunk and the only thing on your mind is that prayer that we all have that the "'three girls in the audience really are legal, cuz God knows they're willing?" And to be honest, who fucking wants a solo when Paul Diamond Blow (guitar/vox), Starkiss Karkass (bass/vox) and Danger Dayne (drums) come to melt your face?

This is one of the best albums I have heard in a while and it has not left my car for about a month. It was the soundtrack to a traffic violation and a particularly amazing drinking binge I went on. If you want to hear something truly amazing get this CD. - CD review by Neil Page

"An amazing parody of a Ramones meets 80s hard rock band. "We're Superstars on angeldust." Sweet. "Girls we know give us Hong Kong blow." Okay, I'm feeling ya. There's a space odyssey thing going on there...very Ziggy, yes, the songs are very energetic rock and roll, one part Ramones and possibly dipping into the Kiss catalog on "Luv Transmission" (of course, in a hilarious nod to the Dolls, all of the :loves" are spelled "L-u-v" in the aforementioned and in "Electric Luv"). The songs are short and don't drag on which tends to be music of this nature's Achilles heel. These guys are so f--king high and boy, do they love to sing about it. I could seriously see the Space Cretins headlining a show on the Sunset Strip in 1988. Absolutely fabulous! - CD review by Vincent Principle

"Perennial Seattle hard rock sinner Paul Diamond Blow takes a much needed break from his legendary womanising and cocaine-ising to tear it up with a like-minded gang of been-there gutter glamsters. ROCKET ROLL ain't nothing but 10 fast and furious tracks worth of dirty, punky, boner-popping sleaze. Cheap thrills, no frills.
- CD review by Sleazegrinder

I don’t think I’ve ever checked out Seattle’s Space Cretins because I thought from their name they were some kind of hippie jam band. Holy shit was I wrong! I didn’t realize it was two of the guys from the Beserkers and they sound way better than their previous band. Their new “Rocket Roll” CD is packed full of guitar-driven garage punk rock. Yeah, you’re sayin’ “Dan, that describes a thousand bands” and you’re right. But a thousand bands don’t sing about being from the stars and sound like some spaced-out, fucked-up mix of the Ramones, the Didjits and Stitches, with a slight bit of Jello Biafra in the vocals. Needless to say, I think the new album, produced by Mr Jack Endino, kicks all kinds of ass.
- Dan Halligan

I knew it was going to be a dirty night of rock n roll at the Funhouse with glam/punk love machines the Space Cretins on the bill-- the kind of dirty best described as the Sunday morning shocking recollection that your panties were left elsewhere the night before while the disheveled remainder of your wardrobe is strewn haphazardly on the floor in a trail leading from the front door to the bathroom.

The flyin high cyber-punk rocket ride of the Space Cretins swept over us like a wave of rockin’, pouty-lipped, glam napalm. Fronted by struttin’ Seattle rock icon, Paul Diamond Blow, the Space Cretins launch the panty-peeling process with “Rock the Area” and “Hong Kong Blow”. Catchy hooks of head nodding and ass shaking rock influenced by Kiss and Motley Crue steeped in the whiskey-infused heavy extracts from the Ramones and New York Dolls.

The Space Cretins say they are lost individuals with a spiritual sexuality-- and ladies, they wanna show you a good time. Soon, two young ladies hit the stage (who may have had no shortage of recent good times) dancing with a silver thong in the air a la Tom Jones, betwixt and between Markass “Starkiss” Karkass the 4-string jet machine on bass, Danger Dane Bam Bam the drum commander and master blaster guitar master, and Northwest rock legend, Otis P. Otis, rounds out this charismatic force. Nasty and hard hitting, the Space Cretins rock it and shock it!

- Live show review by Cheryl

EU: So, guys, I’ve got to know—where did you guys come up with the name? Why “The Space Cretins?”
SC: (Paul) Spacehog was already taken, and we’re still hoping for a chance encounter with William Shatner in a Hong Kong karaoke bar where he would tell us that it was our destiny to start a ‘super-cyber’ band to put the FUN back in rock ’n’ roll.

EU: Have any of you guys ever been abducted by aliens?
SC: (Paul) It doesn’t matter because the CIA still denies that we actually exist.
(Otis) Yeah, they held me captive and put salsa in my buttocks.
EU: What is it that disgusts you with the current music scene?
SC: (Paul) Everyone is so quick to put a generalized label on everything, and it makes for this all-or-nothing sheepish band of followers. Look, music either rocks or it doesn’t. Why do you have to act, look, or be a certain way to be considered part of a genre or crowd? People should be able to enjoy a multitude of different types of music without feeling like a social outcast because they don’t fit the stereotypical mold. Whatever happened to an open mind?

EU: So who do you guys like nowadays?
SC: (Paul) The Ramones, Go Like Hell, The Ones, William Shatner, NY glam.

EU: Why music? Why not something else? (Career, family, etc.)
SC: (Otis) I fell asleep in ’79 (’cause I was loaded), I woke up. I got responsible. And now I’m doin’ it all over again (takes shot).
(Paul) When I was a kid, all I wanted to be was a rock star. I know I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else. Well, that, and I love to hear the sound of my own voice. I also put a mirror on the end of my microphone to watch myself play. It’s the sound of love. (Laughter, followed by excessive drinking.) But seriously, what are we going to do? Quit? Not a chance. Music matters. We like to rock and go on benders. What do you like to do?

EU: What’s the best thing about being a rock star, or at least
pretending to? What are some of the greatest perks?
SC: (Otis) Free drink tickets.
(Dayne) Girls, free drinks, free drugs. (Takes shot.)
(Paul) I’m sorry, what was the question? We’re not trying to stimulate brain cells or impress with fancy-fied riffage, we’re just trying to put the swagger back into leather rock ’n’ roll pants.
- Interview by Aeryn Martin