Squeaky Clean Cretins
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Squeaky Clean Cretins


Band Rock Folk


This band has not uploaded any videos
This band has not uploaded any videos



"Cretins Can Do It"

“The Cretins are the one band from the Midwest that could actually reach the top of the mountain. The melodic soothing voice of Graham A. Parsons and their lyrical and rhythmic qualities give the music deep and playful meaning.”

- Bernie Larsen, Spinout Records (Los Angeles, CA)
- Bernie Larsen, Spinout Records (Los Angeles, CA)

"These guys groove like crazy!"

“I have always dug the Cretins because they are very creative, have a fresh sound, and groove like crazy!  They are very skilled performers, whose lyrics evoke vivid images AND their music has plenty of surprises.  But, what really knocks me out about them is their JOY!  These folks just project a pure sense of wonder and fun in their music!  So much music today is laden with personal angst and faux gravitas.  Where's the fun?  The Cretins have it in truckloads.  Here's their equation:  "garage band" energy + creative songwriting + highly skilled performance = SQUEAKY CLEAN CRETINS!”

- Mike Irish, Director of Jazz Studies, Michigan Technological University - Mike Irish Quote

"A truly celestial band..."

“A truly celestial band, one minute arguing for social justice on Earth, the next minute spiritually soaring above all its trouble…they perform with an air of playful wisdom, a new musical knowledge that they're just getting comfortable with.”

~ Andrew Balaskovitz, The State News (Lansing, MI)
- The State News - Lansing, MI

"Cretins were the best find of the year!"

“I filter through a sea of CDs and promos every year and select a very small handful for the festival.  The Cretins were the best find of the year!  The music blew me away and I already knew what to expect.  It was compounded by an awesome show and tremendous stage presence.  Woodtickers will definitely see them back and I will travel to see them anytime I get the chance.  They're on their way up...no question!”

~ Brian Whitens, Media Productions, Inc./Woodtick Music Festival (MI)
- Media Productions

"Cretins were the surprise hit of 2008"

"The Squeaky Clean Cretins were the surprise hit of the 2008 Porcupine Mountains Music Festival. Their mix of infectious rhythms and fresh-faced exuberance is irresistible. The Cretins quickly draw their audience into their world...a world where all things seem possible. This is a band poised for success.“

~ Cheryl Olson, Porcupine Mountains Music Festival
- Porcupine Mountains Music Fest

"Live presentation of CD well received"

“The Cretins are not just another set of youthful faces with pretty guitars. This live presentation of the Cretins was so well received that no one really got up and left. A few folks traded places, and one or two individuals meandered away, but no entire table exited. Everyone paid attention to this meaningful performance. This of flesh, of marrow cd lives up to the Clean in the band’s name. There’s not a muddy spot on this entire cd, something first time self-releases rarely achieve (if they’re not too thin).”

~ Kelly Beez, WNMC Radio (90.7 FM) and Michigan Music Reviewer
- WNMC Radio

"Layered with emotion rather than distortion!"

“The Squeaky Clean Cretins...very pure... layered with emotions rather than tons of distortion and distraction. These Cretins really shine the light on jamming with some structure while adding honest lyrics and clever personality.”

~ P.J. Olsson, CBS Recording Artist & Alan Parsons Project Lead Singer - P.J. Olsson quote - lead singer Alan Parsons Project


Debut release in 2007 - "of flesh, of marrow". New release will come out in early 2009. Visit our myspace page to hear some more tunes at:




The Squeaky Clean Cretins call the Lake Superior country of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula home. If you listen just right, you might hear the rolling waves of the Big Lake woven intricately into the fabric of their songs. The Cretins adhere to the deep roots of folk tradition while adding a contemporary spin to their songwriting. Although it’s hard to stamp a label on this band due to their ability to take the music in a multitude of directions, the vibe of the band can be described as indie/americana/folk-rock. They definitely have a niche for combining beautifully crafted melodies with blended harmony vocals and infectious guitar riffs. Their eclectic songwriting style runs the gamut from pertinent and socially aware to carefree hook-inspired jams that move crowds to their feet. Words such as “playful,” “joyous” and “surprising” are often used to describe the band. Their music is highly original, rich and heartfelt. Their stage presence is undeniable.

The Cretins are quickly becoming recognized on the midwest festival circuit and beyond. They released their debut CD “of flesh, of marrow” in October 2007 and are now in the mixing and mastering phase of their much anticipated follow-up release, expected out by early 2009. The band has performed at the following festivals or venues: Earthwork Harvest Gathering, Rozsa Center for the Performing Arts, Calumet Theatre, Porcupine Mountains Music Festival, Eccentric Café at Bells Brewery, Keweenaw Folk Festival, Chain O’ Lakes Music Fest, White Crow Conservatory of Music, Eagle River Bridgefest, Crazy Wisdom Tea Room, Bubblefest, Kraftbrau Brewery, Horizon Books, Thimbleberry Jam Fest, Woodtick Music Festival, and many other clubs and coffee houses.