The Adult Bookstore

After being randomly selected for Adelaide’s enforced Indie Band Duty (IBD) and thus bound by law to live as a band for a period of at least two weeks (protocol of which you are no doubt intimately familiar with), the Adult Bookstore then traversed Frost’s lesser-trampled yellow diverged road in the woods and decided to remain an Indie Band even after their original tour of duty expired. Like in traditional legal systems, simple length of tenure counts in IBD, so the Bookstore now rank as ‘Supreme Court Judges (Indie Band)’ and must wear wigs all the time, except when in a sauna or carwash, and are permitted though not obliged to use Theremin in their performances.

Anyway, in addition to now being able to sentence others to death and legally sell PCP, their new rank permits them to release an album, which they’ve named ‘Sliming ‘Round Without a Brain or Face’. Deciding upon the revolutionary core instrumentation of vocal cords, two guitars, one bass, and an assortment of cymbals, finger-severance torture devices and drums arranged into a ‘drum kit’, they created their baby, which indeed has neither a brain, nor a face. In CD form, it can indeed ‘Slime ‘Round’ if a little Gak/Taka Tala Marinade/phlegm is added to a CD player after PLAY has been pushed. In short, the album title is honest and truthful, and brimming with integrity, and also antimendacious. Which: according to a recent poll* is the number one reason people illegally download music today.

But: it’s actually pretty good, and a real, existent thing, and nowhere near as silly as this self-consciously satirical spiel** would suggest.

I know you’re probably still thinking about whether the R in “ ‘Round” should be capitalised*** after the apostrophe, and now whether that whole thing with the quotation marks back there makes any punctuation sense, and that the Bookstore are just a rock band who can’t really conceive any appropriate modifiers to prefix that broad yet appropriate term, but momentarily set aside those concerns and take a moment to listen to their music, gaze upon their photographs, read aloud their reviews and set aside a small sum of money with which to purchased their album and some Gak on the box next to your bed that serves as a bedside table.

* www.racebook.com.au/poles/Poles/polls, ‘Why Do You Illegally Download Music: Truthful Album Title?’ 2010 by Woody Pericarp.

** You see, trying to type your own praises with an iron fist and brass forehead furrows re: the album of which you are actually quite proud and would like people to hear is a difficult task for people who would prefer you to think of them as modest.

** Yes, according to ‘the Adult Bookstore Style Guide’ by Tim Horn

Thanks for your time, much appreciated.