The Empty Apology

I refuse to write a biography that's sounds like every other one out there so please bear with me. Here goes:

The Empty Apology is a 4 piece outfit hailing from Brisbane, Australia, writing this biography in third person so it looks like someone else wrote it. It makes them look more professional that way and like totally fools the reader. While their sound is essentially pop-punk, their influences stem from all manners of pop, rock, indie, alternative and also, unashamedly, they have delved into emo. Michael Blundell has even gone as far as to say that "yeah it is a bit [emo], but it's not as bad as I thought, ay." The band is still undecided as to whether or not that is a compliment. The result of all these influences however, is a handful of catchy, upbeat tunes with honest, thought-provoking lyrics, and you're totally impressed right now because that description is not cliched at all and is definitely the first time a band has ever been described as such.

The origins of The Empty Apology began when Matthew Dawe discovered that his love for playing guitar and singing in the shower could potentially have potential [he wasn't playing guitar in the shower, just the singing part]. As much as he likes to think that his lyrics address important issues, he essentially writes songs about meeting girls, dating girls and then, as a result, being dumped by said girls. In an effort to bring his whining beyond the confines of his bedroom however, and into the outer world, he sought the help of some fellow musicians.

Enter Jared Wilson, a drummer whose primary contribution to the band is sexiness. At the spritely age of eighteen, Jared brings an energy to the group that is paralleled only by his amazing good looks. At the risk of getting him in trouble with his girlfriend, Jared is also quite the seduction artist and is even known to have, on occassion, seduced me. Looking back, Jared's induction into the band was quite humorous as he was like totally crapping himself, and now he's all like "nah Matt, that part you wrote is shit, blah blah blah," which doesn't hurt my feelings at all.

If you are to move along this way [--->], you will discover that all bass guitar duties are provided by one Tristan Johnson, a musician more closely attributed to hard rock and metal, yet strangely enough embraces my whiny pop songs. Tristan is a ginger and proud of it, maintaining that "Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger," but he totally stole that from Tim Minchin. Tristan's quiet and reserved nature creates an aura of mystery and intrigue about him which is made all the more intriguing by the fact that I saw a picture of him in a dress the other day and I was totally captivated. Unfortunately though ladies, he is happily engaged, and like you, I was devastated when I found out.

Finally we have Michael Blundell on lead guitar. After bashing my emo tunes Mikey ironically joined the band soon after, which is awesome because playing lead and singing hurts my fragile little brain. Mikey studies at the Conservatorium of Music so he like totally knows his shit, pulling lead lines seemingly out of nowhere. His background in theoretical knowledge is invaluable to the band, but also makes me feel dumb. In trying to explain improvising a solo to me the other day, he asked if I knew my pentatonic scales, to which I replied "Nup..." But I'm not ungrateful. If I were to put it simply, Mikey makes "my three chords sound like eight."

I must apologise because I do realise that somewhere along the way I reverted to first person. Oh well. We are The Empty Apology, and we love you, and will continue to love you as long as we are breathing.