The Porn Again Christians

It’s resurrection time, dickheads. From the fetid bloody ashes of Swampass and frictionmachine rises the mutant phoenix of THE PORN AGAIN CHRISTIANS. That’s right, brothers and sisters. Just when you thought it was safe to allow your daughters, sisters, mothers, girlfriends and wives back into the midnight scum-alleys and cum-stained rock clubs of the midwest, I’m here to tell ya they’re still fair game. Still filthy little sluts for the rock and roll. Still on their knees, wiping their chins and begging for more. And they’re gonna get it hard and deep, brothers and sisters. They’re gonna get it till they weep for joy and pain. Till they’re saved by the sickness, damned by the gospel of cockrock gone mad. Though this glory train has just started rolling, that tickle you feel at the rim of your chili-tunnel is no accident. They’re slipping it in, brothers and sisters. They’re coming to your town to pillage and destroy. Witness the return of Tommy Rue, former guitar slinger and voice of Swampass and Spankwagon. He’s sick and tired of waiting for another rock and roll revival. He’s here to start one right fucking now. Witness Joe Sanner, former bass-jacker of frictionmachine and Loomis. He’s worked-up a creamy gallon of repulsive rock and roll rage. And he’s about to squirt. Witness Jake Pope, former skin-hammer of Swampass, frictionmachine and Loomis. He’s barely human these days, the pounding in his skull a psychotic command to kill them. Kill them all. Their influences are the usual suspects—Stooges, Dolls, MC5, Jesus Lizard, AC/DC, Antiseen---you know the drill. But that’s just to give you context. Recordings are certainly in the near future plan of domination, but right now the only way to be saved and damned is to see them live and full of piss—if you dare. What you will witness onstage is a soul-rape completely of their own device: a new flavor of full throttle, cherry-busting, ass-plowing, fuck you up rock and roll. And that, brothers and sisters, is all that matters in the end. Let us pray. --Ounce Clark (R.I.P.)