Tom Smith

Tom Smith

 Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA
BandComedySinger/Songwriter

Mostly folk-rock, mostly comedy, influenced by science fiction, fantasy, movies, comic books, politics, popular culture, technology, food, and anything else in the vicinity. Weird Al Yankovic with more books, Jonathan Coulton with more jokes, George Carlin with more Cthulhu.

Biography

Tom is NOT your ordinary folk-rocker, or even your ordinary comedy musician. With the lyrical complexity of Ashman and Sondheim, the vocal fireworks of Meat Loaf, the comedic timing of Robin Williams, and the dynamic physique of the Skipper from Gilligan's Island, the only thing he won't do is be boring. No one alive combines the musical chops, the bizarre yet somehow plausible premises, the catchy tunes, and the barrage of godawful puns that Tom Smith brings to the table. And no one is likelier to break your heart with one song, your head with the next, and your funny bone with the one after that.

Lyrics

A Boy And His Frog

Written By: Tom Smith (1990)

Life is unfair, so they tell me,
Because they think I wouldn't know.
They only can see a cheap gimmick
On their children's favorite show.

They say, "Oh, that's just foam and a wire,
Attached to a green velvet sleeve,
Anyone can do that" -- well, that's true, I suppose,
But who else could make them believe?

What can I say without you there to guide me?
How else am I supposed to give?
How can I sing without you there beside me?
How else am I supposed to live?

You could never just do the expected,
I was just an idea in a bog,
But you sewed up your dream and we made quite a team,
Jim and Kermit, a boy and his frog.

It was me, Rolph, and you, but I think that he knew
There was something that you and I had.
The magic we made just kept growing,
And none of it ever was bad.

Then came Ernie and Scooter and Gonzo,
Doctor Teeth, Cookie Monster, and more.
But now all of those voices are silent,
And I want to go on... but what for?

No one can make me what you did,
No one could walk in your shoes,
Nothing can make me forget you,
But that's not a thing that I'd choose.

I can't just let it be over,
And you wouldn't want it that way,
So I'll stand up and I'll face it,
And, though not quite in your voice, I'll say:

I will go on without you there to guide me,
There's so much more I can give.
Whenever I sing, you will be there beside me,
As long as I keep you, you'll live.

We just wanted to make people happy,
I was always much more than your toy.
I will never regret and I'll never forget
What we had,
I'll miss you, Dad,
This frog and his boy.

Sheep Marketing Ploy (The Ballad of Fenton)

Written By: Tom Smith (1993)

Once, in a land far away, on a beautiful day,
On a wide grassy knoll,
There was a cute little sheep, who was drifting to sleep,
When the earth opened up...
... and swallowed him whole!

Way down in the fiery lake, Lucifer had a lot at steak,
But he wanted some lamb chops instead, and Shari Lewis wasn't dead,
So he kidnapped some virgin wool, grabbed its soul and began to pull,
But he never thought that the lamb he'd caught
Would rebel and then conquer and rule.

Now he's Fenton, Lord of the Inferno,
Fenton, Demon King of the Dell,
Fenton, eyes of flame, breath of Sterno,
Fenton, Death Sheep from Hell.
BAA-AA-AHH!

He's right out of a storybook, but the signs are there if you know to look,
Nasty moustache on his face, sheep are tenors, but this one's a bass,
It's a nearly complete disguise, except for the fangs and the glowing eyes,
If the lion lies down with the lamb, he'll be found
In three pieces of varying size.

Thanks to Fenton, Overlord of the Ovis,
Fen-Tongue, does his breath ever smell.
Fenton, chew some parsley or clove-is,
Fenton, Death Sheep from Hell.

He's a strategist and a conspirer, with a few dozen enemies' lists,
And the Weekly World News and Enquirer are afraid to admit he exists.
He's a devious mind without equals, and if you're convinced that I'm wrong,
Take a look at the various sequels that I'm going to write to this song!

Death Sheep from Hell is the first, you see,
Who he is, how he came to be,
Then it's done, but what can you do
To stop the shear terror of Fenton 2?
The story would not be complete
Without Death Sheep 3: The Last Heart Bleat.
Apparently killed, he comes back for more
In the savage sequel, Death Sheep 4:

Lamb of doom, baa-ba-baa-baa, baa-ba-baa-ba-baa,
Lamb of doom, baa-ba-baa-baa, baa-ba-baa-ba-baa.

After that one, we get to meet Olga, the one girl sheep to whom he is true,
And their lovemaking gets pretty vulgah in Death Sheep 5: Ewe Devil, Ewe!
But the forces of goodness are scheming to slay him and bring the world peace,
And you'll spend nearly two hours screaming at Fenton 6: Rest in Fleece.

And after it's over, he'll be in the cool earth,
At rest in the clover... hmm. What is his wool worth?
But don't think that Heaven is finally winning --
Watch for Death Sheep 7: A New Baa-Ginning!

Starring Fenton, he's a cuddly disaster,
Fenton, and I'm hoping he'll sell,
Fenton, Dark Prince of the pasture,
I'll send Spielberg an offer letter --
If he won't bite, a demonic sweater --
What could be better than Fenton, the Death Sheep from Hell!
BAA-AA-AHH!

House At Cthulhu Corner

Written By: Lyrics: Tom Smith (2001)

To the tune of: "House At Pooh Corner" by Kenny Loggins

Christopher Robin was slain on the altar,
Where shadows of Innsmouth run deep.
Pooh didn’t hesitate, Pooh didn’t falter,
His master’s in Rl’yeh asleep.
And I'm only a kid, I don't know what he’s doin’,
Let alone why the Great Old Ones want a stuffed bruin.

Help me if you can, I’ve got to stop
Pooh from reviving Cthulhu by one,
You’d be surprised, there’s so much to be done,
Circles to summon and bind,
Color them inside the lines,
Stop the cloth golem we all know as Winnie the Pooh….

Winnie the Pooh doesn’t know what he’s doing,
The Elder Gods got in his head.
Task after task he performs without asking
Why friend after friend turns up dead.
And the ultimate goal isn’t clearly defined,
But it’s taking a toll on his silly old mind.

Help me if you can, I’ve got to stop
Pooh from reviving Cthulhu by one,
You’d be surprised, there’s so much to be done,
Leave all the Deep Ones behind,
Making a cute Elder Sign,
Prepare for the final conflict with Winnie the Pooh….

Rabbit is missing, and Piglet was drowned
(It was thought accidental at first);
In a room without corners, Owl was et by a hound;
In his chest, Tigger’s heart up and burst.
Now there’s only us three, but we will find a way,
And I Kanga-rantee, Eeyore gonna Roo the day….

Believe me if you can, we’re gonna stop
Pooh from reviving Cthulhu by one,
What do you know, I think maybe we’re done,
Chris and my friends all alive,
Great Old Ones gone from the sky…

*yawn* Good morning, Mother, I guess I was dreaming –-
Everything’s fine – Piglet, you can stop screaming –-
What’s with that dazed look, Pooh?
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh….

Discography

Herbert West: The Musical (2010, forthcoming)
Ends 'n' Odds (2010)
More Than FuMP (2009)
Sins of Commission 2 (2009)
Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 1 (2008)
iTom 4.0: Smith and Legend (2007)
iTom 3.0: True Love Waits (2007)
iTom 2.0: Transitions (2007)
iTom 1.0: And So It Begins (2006)
Sins of Commission (2006)
The Last Hero On Earth (2005)
Homecoming: MarCon 2005 (2005)
And They Say I've Got Talent (2004)
Badgers and Gophers and Squirrels Oh My: The 24-Hour Project (2004)
Live At GAFilk (2004)
Debasement Tapes (1999)
Tom Smith and his Digital Acoustic Compilation (1998)
Plugged (1997)
Domino Death (1994)
Who Let Him In Here? (1991)

Set List

Highly variable, often including impromptu covers and improvised songs -- anything from 20 minutes to three hours, average 50-80 minutes. Usually will include some of the following:

Illuminati Polka
Tech Support For Dad
Hamster Brain
Smash The Frickin' Fairies
Dead Again
Crystal Gayle Killed Frank Herbert
I Want To Be Peter Lorre
Return Of The King, Uh Huh
House At Cthulhu Corner
Talk Like A Pirate Day
Hey, It's Can(n)on
307 Ale
Rocket Ride