Ukelilli

Ukelilli

 Los Angeles, California, USA
BandFolkComedy

Folk/Pop/Comedy - Flight of the Conchords meets Jill Sobule with a dash of Sarah Silverman. Melodic, catchy tunes with wacky, and at times darkly comical lyrics. “The Early Years,” hits from her first 3 albums (now out of print), is her latest record, available through iTunes, CDBaby, and Amazon.

Biography

“Some sharp funny, charming and devilishly catchy ukelelism. Ukelilli's up there with the two Georges (Formby and Harrison) for championing the diminutive guitar and I thoroughly recommend her." (Simon Pegg, star and co-writer of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, "Scotty" from Star Trek)

Ukelilli is a singer-songwriter with a comedy/folk/pop sensibility, hailing from the D.C. suburb of Chevy Chase (no relation). Now living in Los Angeles, Ukelilli has been building a passionate cult following thanks to her adorable persona and quirky repertoire of songs. At a Ukelilli show you’re likely to hear everything from a punk ukulele anthem, to an ode to the films of Jean-Claude Van Damme, to a twisted loved song called “I Love You So Much (I’d Prefer It If You Were Not Dead).”

Ukelilli has recorded 7 albums, 4 of which are currently available for sale through iTunes, CDBaby, and at stores all over LA, including the famed Ameoba Music. Since 2006, she has sold more than 6,000 tracks online. Her music video, “Vote for Obama,” was a YouTube viral hit in the last election. (Obama has so far declined to comment on Ukelilli, but Washington scuttlebutt has it he’s a fan.)

She has played in clubs all over LA, including a standing monthly gig at El Cid, one of the coolest venues in Silverlake, and was a special guest of The Ukulady on the Hippodrome Shuttle, which tours Downtown ArtWalk LA. She has also performed in such East Coast venues as Madame’s Organ in Washington, D.C. and Pianos in New York City.

Her music has been featured on the soundtrack of a Zappos commercial, the international festival-winning short film Cracks, indie feature Natural Victims, and the “Intern Journal” on The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou DVD.

Ukelilli has an international fanbase and has just returned from a tour of the UK. She headlined at Ukelear Meltdown, a uke fest in Newcastle. She also played to packed houses in London and Edinburgh.

Lyrics

When I Was A Kid

Written By: Lillian Parker

I was only a child and would cry in my bed
I had monsters and burglars and fears in my head
In my grandpa would come and he sat down and said
My dear you must have no fear.

CHORUS:
When I was A Kid, there was no fear.
We’d put forks in the toaster
And beat up the Grocer
And play with explosives
And gave mom neurosis
When I was a Kid.

We would walk on the train tracks where real trains came
We’d light all the matches and play with the flame
And you my granddaughter can do just the same
But first you must have no fear

CHORUS 2:
When I was A Kid, there was no fear.
We’d ride on people’s shoulders
Trip wheels of a stroller
And dodge rolling boulders
And never get older
When I was a Kid.

Now you’re stuck in your house and behind these closed doors
No one jumps into lakes or climbs trees anymore
Without drama and pain life would be such a bore
So learn to have no fear

BRIDGE (whistle)

CHORUS 3:
When I was A Kid, there was no fear.
We’d hope houses were haunted
We’d bleed and then flaunt it
Completely undaunted
We’d do what we wanted
When I was a kid.

Bloodsport (and Kickboxer, too)

Written By: Lillian Parker

He’d have the eye of the tiger if it weren’t for the powder
Kick your nuts into your guts and mash it all into a chowder
He’s a bad m-f, just watch him do the splits
And ladies shield your eyes when he’s killing with his hits

CHORUS
Don’t let the accent fool you, ‘cause he ain’t no fool
Nicknamed “Muscles from Brussels” means he’s pretty Van Damme cool
His clothes may be out of fashion, but how they do show off his curves
Some people make fun of his accent – what nerve

I know it’s a different movie, but I have to bring it up
That drunken dancing fight scene deserves the cinema’s world cup
Is that scene supposed to crack me up? ‘Cause it really, really does
Jean Claude Van Damme is the greatest Belgian action movie star there ever was

CHORUS

It’s amazing what he’s done and only amplified his fame
To make two different movies, which are identically the same
Okay, Bloodsport has the kumite and Kickboxer has broken glass on fists
I’ve watched these movies so many times, I hate to think of all the other great stuff I’ve missed

CHORUS

I Love You So Much

Written By: Lillian Parker

I love you so much, that I’d prefer if you were not dead
I love you so much, that I’d prefer if you were not dead
In a combat situation, be you black belt or red
Avoid crazy ninja moves, or blows to the head
Cause I love you so much that I’d prefer if you were not dead

If it were up to me I’d prefer that you stay alive
If it were up to me I’d prefer that you stay alive
If you don’t know how to swim then don’t take the dive
If you’re allergic to bees then stay away from the hive
Yes, If it were up to me I’d prefer that you stay alive

If I were in charge, I’d prefer if you didn’t get killed
If I were in charge, I’d prefer if you didn’t get killed
When you go to the Amazon, cause I know that you will
Don’t trip on a vine and fatally fall down a hill
I said, If I were in charge, I’d prefer if you didn’t get killed

One more time, I love you so much, that I’d prefer if you were not dead
I love you so much, that I’d prefer if you were not dead
Make sure you don’t stop breathing as you sleep in your bed
And have a taster check for poison in the things you are fed
OH, and weekly check your water for traces of lead
And, don’t do crack, as Nancy Reagan famously said
Hm, and don’t choke on the hairballs that your house pet might shed
And if you skydive for fun, maybe try pinball inste--------ead
Cause I love you so much that I’d prefer if you were not dead.

Eddie Izzard

Written By: Lillian Parker

Ask anyone, they’ll tell you, I adore the man
Of his wacky comedy I am, to understate, a fan
He has a British accent AND he’s funny too,
Is there anything else a man needs to do, I ask you?
I’m buying a multi-region DVD player for the sole purpose of owning
His latest show, which is not yet available with region one encoding
Cause the more I watch him, the more I laugh, in a weird convulsive way
In my house EVERY day is Eddie Izzard Day.

(Whisper)
Eddie Izzard, Eddie Izzard, Eddie Izzard, Eddie Izzard

CHORUS
His clothes, in terms of gender, are something of a blizzard
And comically speaking he’s like a magical wizard
The only answers you’ll find on my Favorite Things Quiz are
Eddie Izzard, Eddie Izzard, Eddie Izzard, Eddie Izzard

James Mason to Sean Connery, Darth Vader, Michael Cane
This Executive transvestite brings new meaning to the word INSANE
And I mean that in a good way, not like crazy, koo-koo, mad
Like the royal family, cuz cousins marrying is bad
He teaches us about history and the Bible and wars
About his grasp of the French language and monkeys out-of-doors
As long as my main man John wouldn’t be too depressed,
I’d lay one on the kisser of this bloke in a dress.

CHORUS

Break:
Englebert Humperdink is not dead.

Ah, to watch him walk like an evil giraffe
And Pasta ala arabiata will always me laugh
Whether cake or death, Eddie Izzard is no phony
For the force in him is as strong as any man’s small pony
I’m going back to Russia with my hidden buncha’ flowers
Just thinking about that sentence will keep me chuckling for hours
Squirrels long for grapefruits, and are generally gregarious
Maybe none of this is funny, but Eddie Izzard is hilarious

CHORUS

Gladstone's Bloody Marys

Written By: Lillian Parker

I’m sailing in the sun, but I’m on the shore
We’re having so much fun, yeah we’re not bored
I’m hangin’ with my homegirl and homeboys
We’re lying on the beach with our beach toys
And then along comes calling out to me
The finest elixir by the sea
Three perfect words starts with a capital G
Gladstone’s Bloody Marys – it’s all I want to D….r-i-n-k.

Tomato juice and vodka are so nice
But you gotta add a lotta celery and spice
Put it on ice and you’re almost through
But just how does Gladstone’s do it?? I don’t know what they do!
They must have witches back there in their cocktail lair
Using fairy dust and angel hair
‘Cause what else could explain just how perfectly they prepare
Gladstone’s Bloody Marys – I never what to share….with no one else I want it all for me all by myself

BRIDGE
Sure wine is fine if you plan to dine
And beer is clear if lunch is near
But morning, afternoon, or night what tastes just right?
Gladstone’s Bloody Marys, Gladstone’s Bloody Marys!

I’m breathin’ in the crisp cool ocean air
I’m frolicking with John, Andrew, and Mere
Our feet are crispy hot on the sunburnt sand
So we run and jump a lot, getting nice and tanned

After a long hot day, dizzy and confusing
What drink will I pick to do my boozing
Sure alcohol dehydrates, but it’s oh so amusing
Gladstone’s Bloody Marys – it’s all that I am choosing!

Internet Social Networks

Written By: Lillian Parker

There are many of us out there who don’t like meeting face to face
And just for us the internet’s created a very special place
While they call them social networks or virtual communities
I like to think of them as stalking with complete impunity

CHORUS
Facebook is a time suck to no end
I never thought I’d be so sick of hearing “Will you be my friend?”
And MySpace is your space on the dub-dub-dub
Who wouldn’t want to join that club?

Everybody’s list of friends I’m sure looks just the same
The kind ex-boyfriends, hardly old friends, and all the what’s-her-names
The girl from elementary school who lived across the street
And, oh yeah, the hundred folks or so you’re never gonna meet

CHORUS 2
YouTube has its cons and pros
They get you with inane, addictive viral videos
LinkedIn is more for work than fun
But still distracting when you’re trying to get things done

Oh, I mean no offense, in fact could often use some aid
To find the folks whose lives I want to nosily invade
Where’s my first crush, my first best friend, and all my other demands?
Maybe they just don’t have this much time on their hands.

FINAL CHORUS
[clap, clap] Turn it off! [clap, clap] Step away!
No one will really miss you if you don’t sign on today
Meet some real, living, breathing, 3D human beings
And I think that you’ll be glad with what you see!

Stress Blows

Written By: Lillian Parker

I hate stress
It’s such a mess
If there’s one thing I would love
It would be no more stress

I’d love to fly to the moon one day
I’d love to be a star
But there’s so much stress in all that
I think we should just stay where we are

Sometimes you’re mean to me
I said, sometimes you make me cry
It’s just ‘cause you’re stressed, I think
I know that’s the reason why

And other times I get tired, and achy, and sick
I don’t want my life to go on
It’s just that goddamn stress takin’ over
I don’t want to be his pawn

I wish I could just relax, sometimes, and you too
But you know we can’t and can’t even sleep
The stress is slowly taking over our minds
And it’s got us in a trance, in deep, in deep

I’m saying too much to even fit in this song now
I know, but this is the way stress starts to take over
Too much, too much to do, to think, to say, to need, to want
To write, to read, to make, to hurt one another

I don’t mean to hurt you, I don’t, I don’t
It’s not me, it’s the stress, I swear, I swear
But if you stay around me all the time
You’re gonna have to get used to this air

I hate stress
It’s such a mess
It has gone and fucked up my whole life
And I hate stress
I wish there was no more stress
I should do something to make my stress go away
I should do yoga and make my stress go away
I should shoot myself in the head and make it go away
I should strangle everyone (except you) and make it go away
I should do whatever it tells me to to make it go away
Just PLEASE – GO AWAY

I'm Dreaming of a Boy Who's Dreaming of Me

Written By: Lillian Parker

I dreamed last night that some crazy happnins happed
I ran across the world then found that I was trapped
But there was a boy in my dream and he came to save the day
Because he woke up in my dream to find that je n’etais pas vrai

I was happy in my dream, with this charming prince of mine
But then our world was shaken, and we had run out of time
I can’t explain, can’t signify how empty I do feel
Because I woke up from my dream to find that he wasn’t real

CHORUS:
I am Dreaming of a boy who’s dreaming of me
I can see that he can see that I can see what he sees
I want to love this boy who wants me to love him too
But then we both wake up to find the dream was all untrue

Oh how blue we both feel when we wake all alone
Jack hasn’t got his Jill, Doggy hasn’t got her bone
It’s the worst recurring nightmare that I’ve ever had
It’s so sad being lonely, it’s so lonely being sad

I woke up from my dream a panting and a panick’ed
I thought I might be lost or worse I thought I might be dead
There was this boy I dreamt of and I was happy as can be
Cause when I woke up and rolled over, he was lying next to me

CLOSING CHORUS
I am dreaming of a boy who’s dreaming of me
I can see that he can see that I can see what he sees
I’m happy to love this boy who wants my love, and why?
‘Cause now I will because I can ‘cause he’s here, and so am I!

The Imaginary Friend Song

Written By: Lillian Parker

I don’t make friends, but then I made you,
You showed up one day right out of the blue
I’m not really one for going out on the town
But I would with you, if you were only around

CHORUS
Don’t go away, ‘cause I’ll miss you
Please say you’ll stay, ‘cause I do hate good-byes

I know you don’t like to complain or taunt
But you’re a figment of my imagination, so you’ll do what I want
No one understands me like you understand
So between me myself and I, you’re in high demand

CHORUS

I can’t believe you’re leaving me
But since you’re in my brain it’s not that hard to believe
In this crazy old world, I can’t make it alone
Having a voice in my head, keeps my life monotone

CHORUS

Very Therapeutical

Written By: Lillian Parker

My European friend just bought her dog a pair of noodicles
My yogi bro-in-law he says that yogin’ is so dudical
My cousin the birdwatcher says that owls they only hoot and cull
Because all of these things they say are very therapeutical

(Whistle chorus)

My John he likes to study things let’s call them hermeneutical
My manicurist rubs the lotion all over my cuticles
My doctor, when I’m sick, prescribes the strictest pharmaceuticals
And when I ask them why they say, “It’s very therapeutical.”

(Whistle chorus)

If it makes you laugh, you may describe this song as “beautical”
And please don’t be offended, rather calling me deludical
To make a song with all these rhymes is surely convelutical
But ask me why I’ve done it, well it’s very therapeutical!

(Whistle chorus)

Super Hero (All the Way)

Written By: Lillian Parker

Flyin’ through the air, gettin’ ready to fight
Kickin’ up bad guys all day and all night
You’re fighting crime all the time for all the world to see
And in your downtime you should come home with me

CHORUS
You’re my super hero all the way
You’re my super hero all the way

It’s like the speed of light the way you get things done
So you have plenty of time to have some fun
In the palm of your hand you make sand into a pearl
I can only imagine how you handle a girl

CHORUS

MELODIC BRIDGE

You punch faster than Bruce Lee with all those muscles
You kick faster than JCVD in Brussels
Every word you say is like a play was written for you
My oh my, my super hero, how I do so adore you

CHORUS

Ukin' for the U.K.

Written By: Lillian Parker

I want to live in the land of the Union Jack, for business or for pleasure
I hear it always rains in London, well I live in an earthquaking desert
They have beautiful rolling hills in the country and classic architecture in town
And when I say classic, I don’t just mean the style, their old buildings have actually been around

CHORUS
Today, I’m ukin’ for the U.K.
Not for money or awareness, but just as something to say
She’s all I think of day to day
And I’ve got some due respect to pay
So I am U-K-I-N for the U.K.

Our forefathers and that war and stuff has never made sense to me
Why would we not want to be under the rule of the British Monarchy?
Long live the Queen and whoever replaces Tony Blair
Okay, I don’t really understand their politics, but I don’t even understand that here!

CHORUS

BRIDGE
There are many people of whom I’m fond who hail from the island across the pond
So please allow me to digress and talk about some of the Brits who impress
Maybe rock ’n’ roll was made in the USA, but it was perfected over there
With the Beatles, the Stones, David Bowie, and Robert Plant’s hair
And when it comes to comedy let’s just say they put a good deal of stress on my bladder
‘Cause they have THE OFFICE, SPACED, FRY AND LAURIE, MONTY PYTHON, and BLACK ADDER
Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet are of the most graceful to ever grace the screen
And Ralph Feinnes would be just FINE by me, if you know what I mean
In literature, from Jane Austen to Nick Hornby, they certainly get my gold star
And in theater, they go from the genius of Shakespeare to the genius of Tom Stoppard

That accent could lull me to a peaceful sleep or romance me when I’m waking
I don’t know if I could have plastic surgery on my accent, but it’d be a risk worth taking
And any variety is just fine by me – cockney, northern, even BBC
Well, In my mind everything I say is with a British accent anyway

CHORUS

Doctor Who?

Written By: Ukelilli

The Doctor is a man who is the last remaining Timelord,
He travels all through time and space
Defender of the human race.
He's from a place called Gallifrey, billions of miles and years away,
But his accent is a North English sort,
Well plenty of planets have a north.
His history's long and cloudy, he never seems to age, who is this doctor -- who?
Doctor who?

His spaceship is the Tardis and it looks like a '50s police call box,
Using Timelord technology,
Makes it roomier than it should be.
He travels alone at times, but fancies travel with a companion,
Who's usually female and frequently cute,
And single and witty and smart to boot.
But who is this doctor, he just goes by "The Doctor," he won't tell us his name, so WHO?
Doctor who?

(whistle solo)

Like all Timelords instead of dying the Doctor regenerates,
Bright lights shoot out of his hands and his face,
And voila the Doctor has been replaced.
And of all the different lives he's led, he keeps the same brain in his head,
More time than could ever be logically fact,
But all of his memories kept in tact.
He never asks for fame, and saves the world all the same, well I'd say that deserves a song, now, wouldn't you?
All about the Doctor -- who?

Discography

Ukelilli: The Early Years (2009)

From the Ground Up (2008)

Delusions of Uke (2007)

Ukin' In My Sleep (2006)

Ukaholics Unanimous (2005)
*not in print at this time

4-String Revolution (2004)
*not in print at this time

Ukelilli (2003)
*not in print at this time

Set List

Enough material to fill 1 hour. More can easily be discussed.

CAN DO ALL ORIGINALS, or can add 1-4 ukulele covers of punk songs.