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Vagiant – ‘S/T’
Vagiant take country-influenced rock, often hilarious lyrics; mix thoroughly and shake well. The result is a collection of exuberant songs that echo the humour of Tenacious D and The Bloodhoud Gang without emulating either. ‘Finish Me Off’, featuring the line; ‘Don't roll me over, I’ve got a boner; at the Japanese massage…will someone finish me off?’ is a catchy little rock song with a mix of Bickley vocal and lyrical styles. ‘Mullet Savior’ is a marvelous song with a strong pace to it’s redneck rock style parody rhythms. The catchy, yet slow (almost teasing) chorus of; ‘Where were you, the day the mullet died?’ is possibly only exceeded by the melodic bridge that names names when it comes to the most criminal of haircuts.
‘Let My Ass Be Your Mule’ is a marvelous take on smuggling drugs. The Latin hip-hop style works brilliantly with the scene that is set by the lyrics. Vagiant use accents very effectively, but also very naturally; adding seriousness to the comedy – at least in terms of professionalism. In other words; there is no loss of the musical competency that other comedy rock bands suffer from.
‘5 Easy Pieces’ is the record’s “I’ve just been dumped and I am certainly not happy right now…” song. That said – this is far from your average run of the mill story of heartbreak and revenge takes point; as it explores the murder of a cheating spouse and her ‘horse dicked’ bedroom playmate. ‘Now I cut him up in 5 easy pieces and I stuck them in a bag, I buried him in the back year right next to my ex’. Add suitable accent usage and Johnny Cash references and you have yourself a fine story of trailer park payback.
This record certainly explores sexuality as well as any other with songs like; Martha Stewart’ featuring the lines; ‘Yo Martha Stuart, how did she do that? She made a decorative condom with glitter on the shaft.’ This track may be lost on an international audience as is sometimes the case when writing about a national (rather than globe-trottingly international) celebrity. Never the less the production values on the track are brilliant as is the lyricism. The 1960’s pop intro to; ‘Predatory Lesbian’ and the line; ‘I’m 45, with a husky build, a teach girls gym…I love my job, but maybe too much, I can look, but can I touch?’ Open the song in a fantastic manner. The bouncy clean guitars in the verses and the well produced, clearly delivered vocals will have you in stitches. This song is fantastically structured and, like many of it’s peers uses a musical style to most accentuate the lyrical content.
‘Robots are coming to drink Bacardi…robots are coming to raid your panties’ from ‘Robots Come’ is just one of basically an entire song’s worth of insanely memorable and bitingly imaginative lines. The electronic, rapped style of this song, mixed with a theatrical chorus makes for an album standout track. It may be short but it is mighty sweet! ‘Public Service Announcement’ is well constructed and teeters between hilarity and faux poignancy as it deals with unplanned pregnancies. This will probably offend but the lines; ‘Babys in a dumpster, oh no! it is serious, serious! and ‘God…do baby’s umbilical chords reach to heaven…?’ - will crack up just about anyone, no matter how stuffy.
Vagiant are in possession of a class-A style and formula that is sure to please just about anyone with a healthy sense of humour. With witty, imaginative writing and very competent musical abilities, even the most disturbing songs like; ‘Growing Sick Of Your Sweet Face’ feel ultimately charming. Fans of comedy rock such as Tenacious D and Naked & Shameless pick this CD up right away!
Standout Tracks: ‘5 Easy steps’, ‘Predatory Lesbian’ & ‘Robots Come’.
Reviewer: Liam Thomson
Score: 5 stars - State of Emergency
Imagine Kid Rock abducted by the Frogs, and you're getting Vagiant. These four L.A. fart jokers deliver painfully irreverent yarns about Amber Alerts, Dumpster babies, and sexing up Martha Stewart. Their self-titled CD is perfect for livening up lame bachelor parties where guys sit around watching Dutch bestiality porn with the sound turned down. - Austin Chronical
Discography
Vagiant, Vagiant 2004
Vagiant, Sex Invasion 2002
Vagiant, Oopsmypantsfelloff 2000
Photos
Feeling a bit camera shy
Bio
The Vagiant show is a rare comedy experience, like laughing white Russians out your nose, or witnessing an elderly clown tumbling down a flight of stairs. You won’t know whether to laugh or feign concern but rest assured, your panties will either be on stage or in dire need of a changing.
You may just find the insightful, poetic nuances of Vagiant’s artistic message will push you to question your own conceptions of humor as well as the absurdity of popular culture and human nature itself. If not, you may be the unwilling recipient of an audio wedgie that will leave you limping for days.
Tracks on the new Vagiant album include:
Finish Me Off: Will this Japanese massage have a happy ending?
Mullet Savior: Who died so you can wear your hair that way?
Amber Alert: There’s a tiny hole in the desert tonight.
Let My Ass Be Your Mule: One bad-ASS drug smuggler.
5 Easy Pieces: A cheatin’ wife’s insurance policy should have a dismemberment plan.
Martha Stewart: Attention K-Mart shoppers: Martha’s got a blue-ball special.
Predatory Lesbian: Gym class is mandatory.
Public Service Announcement: Baby in a dumpster, I know it’s serious.
Vagiant originated in Chicago in 1999 as the improvisational rock band BVX. They released two highly acclaimed albums beginning with the best apocalyptic millennial make-out album of 2000, oopsmypantsfelloff, which topped the charts at Mount Saint Jill’s Girls’ Academy for weeks. In 2001 they followed up with the booty-shaking beats and sexy party anthems of Sex Invasion, which cemented their legendary status among pre-teen alter boys and filled the airwaves of America all summer. (Both albums are still available at www.cdbaby.com/bvx)
Despite their immense popularity, they were ultimately run out of town by the Christian Temperance Union and Mayor Dick Daley’s Brute Squad. After gestating in a secluded Winnebago outside Circus Circus, Nevada, they emerged as Vagiant in 2002 imposing themselves on the unsuspecting public of Los Angeles with a string of hugely successful appearances at area senior citizen homes and The Nude Delhi Indian Strip Club.
Currently, the members of VAGIANT are safely tucked away in a juvenile detention center outside Los Angeles anxiously awaiting your correspondence to which they will respond with a macaroni-and-glue collage depicting your favorite song from the VAGIANT album or “The Iliad”.
Vincent Good Times – Lead Vocals
If the Hilton sisters were joined at the liver and grew testicles, you would still only have half the man that is Vincent G. Times. Vincent exploded on Toledo’s famed “open-mic circuit” in the 90’s and has never looked back, combining lightening quick white-guy rhymes with an overbearing “you’re gonna like this next one” bravado. You may not know it now, but after a few Jello pudding shots, you’ll be singing along with this self-destructive crooner.
Baron Von Bluebird – Bass
Fresh from the runways of Berlin’s Burlesque Fashion Parade Scene, this decorated German uberman sure knows how to slap the fat string. As a youth, The Baron survived the cabbage famine by delivering singing telegrams, candy grams, and mammograms. After honing his skills during one magical summer at Karl’s Kraut-Rock Fat Camp, he found true happiness tucked safely in the cozy womb of the Vagiant rhythm section.
Randy Bitch – Guitar
Abandoned at birth, Randy was raised by a colony of fire ants underneath a seasonal fireworks stand outside Nacogdoches, Texas. This firecracker's venomous three-chord repertoire provides more bang on stage than a brick of ladyfingers. Careful ladies, get too close to The Bitch and you'll find more than just ants in your pants.
T.W. Ballz – Drums
Reared in Cameroon by Mambili Rivermen, T.W. learned the magic and terror that percussion can inspire. After accidentally viewing a visiting professor’s copy of the Pam and Tommy Lee Home Videos, T.W. dreamt of becoming a bone-ified rock and roll drummer. Although he faced many challenges (playing music with clothing, keeping dry while flushing toilets), he finally found a home for his brand of "kumbulu" or "fear drumming" in the loving hindquarters of Vagiant.
The Producers
These guys are really on a roll. After creating such super boy band sensations as 2CUTE4U, 2CUTE 2bREAL, TooLiteralTooMakeIt, The Lolly-Pop Guild, and Peanut Butter Lassie Trap, these masterminds wheeled, dealed, and fought in the high courts to make Vagiant a reality.
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