What I Like About Jew

What I Like About Jew

BandRockComedy

An unorthodox night of songs and comedy hosted by Sean Altman and Rob Tannenbaum, hailed as "Bart Simpsons of the Yeshiva" by Time Out New York and "the Simon & Garfunkel of ethnic gag songs" by The Boston Globe.

Biography

What I Like About Jew is an unorthodox night of songs and comedy hosted by Sean Altman and Rob Tannenbaum, who have been called "Bart Simpsons of the Yeshiva" by Time Out New York, and "the Simon & Garfunkel of ethnic gag songs" by The Boston Globe. The pair scored a national radio hit with "Hanukah with Monica" (deemed "hilarious" by Time Out) and subsequently allowed their unfettered artistic sensibilities to overrun topics like dating ("J-Date"), Bar Mitzvahs ("Today I Am A Man"), circumcision ("Just A Little Off The Top"), Jews for Jesus ("Jews For Jesus"), Kosher-keeping reindeer in Santa's stable ("Reuben The Hook-Nosed Reindeer"), and the story of Passover ("They Tried To Kill Us, We Survived, Let's Eat").

The duo was featured in Time Out's cover story "The New Super Jews," and has been hailed in the New York Times, New Yorker, and Philadelphia Weekly, which said, "Nothing compares to the bawdy borscht-belt comedy of Altman and Tannenbaum, who take Catskills seltzer-bottle humor to a dirty new low, with lyrics that make Lenny Bruce look like a choirboy." Their song "It's Good To Be A Jew At Christmas" was selected for the recently released compilation album "Now That Sounds Kosher!", alongside works from Mel Brooks, Allan Sherman, Tom Lehrer, and "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Altman and Tannenbaum are sometimes joined by distinguished guest performers; comic Dave Attell, electronica music pioneer Moby, publisher Al Goldstein, Hasidic reggae-rap sensation Matisyahu, and the redoubtable Tammy Faye Starlite are among the many tribesfolk and goyim who have lent their talents to the irreverence

"What I Like About Jew" celebrates modern Jewish life and culture in a manner as unique as its creator-performers (see below.) The engaging, surprising, occasionally shocking and always thought-provoking show has sold out performances at Boston's Ryles Jazz Club and Club Passim, Philadelphia's Tin Angel, Washington D.C.'s Jammin' Java, and New York's Knitting Factory and Joe's Pub and was a hit at the 2005 Montreal International Comedy Festival.

Hosts / Producers:

SEAN ALTMAN has been dubbed "the Anti-Kurt Cobain" by New York Press and "absurdly talented" by the Village Voice. He was named 2004 "Best Male Artist" by the International Acoustic Music Awards. Sean founded and fronted the a cappella group Rockapella and co-composed the "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? " TV theme song. His songs have been featured in the off-Broadway comedies "Connections" and "Minimum Wage," on Vitamin C's platinum Elektra Records debut CD, in numerous TV shows, and on his solo albums. He produces the Jewish acapella group Kol Zimra and is a member of the Loser's Lounge tribute series. www.seanaltman.com

ROB TANNENBAUM earned his first theatrical credit for helping John Leguizamo write "Sexaholix," a Tony-nominated Broadway comedy. The music editor of Blender magazine and a member of the Jewish-owned media elite, Tannenbaum appears frequently on VH1, writes for Playboy and GQ, and is working with Leguizamo on an animated series for the Spike network. Like a pork chop, he's bad to the bone.

Lyrics

Reuben The Hook-Nosed Reindeer

Written By: Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum

In all the songs of Christmas
Passed down from days of old
The tale of the unsung reindeer
Is the one that’s yet untold

You’ve heard of Dasher, you’ve heard of Dancer
You’ve heard of Prancer and Vixen, too
But there’s a reindeer you haven’t heard of yet
It’s secret ‘cause he’s a Jew

You’ve heard of Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen
And Rudolph and how he glows
But not Reuben — they’re all ashamed of him
He’s the reindeer with the big hook nose

He’s Reuben the hook-nosed reindeer
With his bulbous Semitic beak
Cooks blintzes for Blitzen, does Santa’s taxes
Cleans his hooves every week

He’s Reuben the hook-nosed reindeer
And the gig is taking its toll
‘Cause it’s a bitch to finagle a lox and bagel
Up at the North Pole

He checks the oil, rotates the tires
Wraps the presents and packs the sleigh
He checks the road map, rewinds the Streisand tape
He packs a Thermos of consommé

He gets a separate receipt for the milk and for the meat
Pays wholesale for all the toys
As you can plainly see, he’s Santa’s MVP
And Santa is his Shabbos goy

He’s Reuben the hook-nosed reindeer
With his giant misshapen snout
Thinks Comet’s a cleanser, Cupid’s a yenta
And Rudolph’s a Nazi Kraut

He’s Reuben the hook-nosed reindeer
He took the fortune but not the fame
Went to Yeshiva, won’t chase beaver
Mah jongg is his reindeer game

Oh just like a slave in thrall to Pharaoh
He toils all night in the snow (ho ho ho)
Come on, Santa, hear our plea: Let my reindeer go!

He’s Reuben the hook-nosed reindeer
With his veiny relentless schnozz
Got a poster of Bambi up in his locker
And panties from Mrs. Claus

He’s Reuben the hook-nosed reindeer
He’s Kosher and playing it safe
The elves put their dicks in Prancer and Vixen
But he won’t because they’re trayf
No he won’t because they’re trayf...

Today I Am a Man

Written By: Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum

I’ve got two pubic hairs and a three piece suit—Today I am a man
I’m getting bar mitzvah’d just to make some loot (TIAAM)
Mom’s all wacked out on Percoset
Dad’s back from Reno with a slutty brunette
And here comes Uncle Saul smelling like a vat of Brute
Today I am a man

A bunch of old white guys playing Kool & The Gang (TIAAM)
30 thousand bucks on this crummy shebang (TIAAM)
At least I’ll get to slow dance with Emily
I wish she wasn’t eight inches taller than me
Now there’s grown up feeling coming from my wang
‘cause today I am a man

I’m a man — a man who can’t drink or vote
I’m a man — my voice cracks with every note
I’m a man — that’s what the rabbi said
I’m a man who still wets the bed
I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man

All my parents’ friends gave me long term bonds (TIAAM)
By the time they mature I’ll be dead and gone (TIAAM)
So I’ll trade ‘em for a hooker with a big huge chest
She can help me study for my algebra test
So it’s a coming of age for me and my schvantz
Today I am a...

Man with the powers God granted all men
Whenever I want I can stay up ‘til ten
My manhood’s a flower just starting to bloom
“Stop touching your penis and go clean your room!”

I’m a man — bartender, where’s my beer?
I’m a man — I wonder if I’m queer
I’m a man — that’s what the rabbi said
I’m a man who still wets the bed
I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man
I’ve got two pubic hairs and a three piece suit—Today I am a man

They Tried To Kill Us (We Survived, Let's Eat)

Written By: Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum

We were slaves to pharaoh in Egypt
The year, was 1492
Hitler had just invaded Poland
Madonna had just become a Jew
Moses was found on the Potomac
Then he marched with Martin Luther King
He came back to free us from our bondage
‘Cause S&M has never been our thing

They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So they chase us to the border
There’s a parting of the water
Tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat

Then the Pharaoh, who looked like Yul Bruyner
Heard the Jews were trying to escape
Charlton Heston came right down from the mountain
He said, “Pharaoh, you’re a damn dirty ape”
The menorah was almost out of oil
Farrakhan was planning Kristalnacht
The gefitle fish was nearing extinction
It looked like Moses and his flock were Fehrkakt

They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
And we knew how to resist
‘Cause we’d rented Schindler’s List
Tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat

The 10 Egyptian plagues:
1. Blood
2. Locusts
3. Boils
4. Dandruff
5. Acne
6. Backne
7. Piles
8. Cataracts
9. Sciatica
10. Sickle cell anemia

We fled on foot, there was no time to tarry
Leavening the bread would take too long
All we had was egg foo yung and matzoh
While battling the fearsome Viet Cong
And so tonight, we gather to remember
The ancient Hebrews who paid the price
We have a Seder, every year in December
To commemorate our savior, Jesus Christ

They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So we never did succumb to the annual pogrom 
Tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat

They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So come on, blow the shofar
‘Cause they haven’t nailed us so far 
Tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat

Discography

"Unorthodox" - debut CD (released April '06)

Set List

75-90 minute show

Hot Jewish Chicks
Today I Am a Man
Reuben The Hook-Nosed Reindeer
Hanukah With Monica
Jews For Jesus
J-Date
They Tried To Kill Us (We Survived, Let's Eat)
It's Good To Be a Jew at Christmas

and many more...