Xave Ruth

Xave Ruth


"Flight of the Conchords but only one (Canadian) guy"

Satirical songs about all the mostly inconsequential concerns of today's jaded twenty-something urbanite: awkward dates, hipsterism, bikes, and so many more not really that important things!


Xave Ruth hasn't decided yet whether he's a musician or a comedian and plans on keeping it that way. His live show involves songs, stories, stand-up comedy, characters, and (on-stage) costume changes.

Xave's music makes fun of pretentious hipsters, angsty teenagers, religious fanatics, and many more, and Xave is only able to fully lampoon these people because of previous phases in his own life as a a pretentious hipster, angsty teenager, and religious fanatic.

The songs themselves are strongly rooted in pop-rock, but dip into whatever style suits the topic: sultry bromantic R&B, bleary-eyed Pacific Northwest forest-folk, straight-ahead heterosexual rock.

Xave has taken a great deal of inspiration from other comedians-whose-songs-are-actually-decent-and-not-just-3-chords-with-shitty-singing like Flight of the Conchords, Tim Minchin and Tom Lehrer. His stage persona has been strongly influenced by hundreds, nay thousands, of boring singer-songwriters with a distinct lack of any sort of stage presence.

Xave has performed at Aeolian Hall in London, Second City and the Comedy Bar in Toronto, and launched his debut album at the legendary El Mocambo, gracing the same stage once occupied by the Rolling Stones (and also upwards of seven hundred and forty million lesser-known acts.)


Second Date

Written By: Xave Ruth

Girl, I'm just calling to say, I had fun last night
The KFC was divine and the Coors was light
Let's go out again and let's make it soon
I know my axe body spray really made you swoon
Do you think this could be something big, 'cause I think it might

I'm gonna take you on a second date
I know this time we're gonna stay up late
We'll get a drink, I'll shoot you a wink
I'll call you or text you, let's meet up soon

Girl, it's been a week, but I'm not worried
I'd love to see you again, but I'm not in a hurry
I was thinking we could hit up a Chuck-E-Cheese
Or maybe take a seminar on STDs
Or you could come over and meet my roommate Murray

When are we going on our second date
You said you'd call me how long should I wait?
I cleared my sched, and cleared my bed
So call me or text me, I'm always home (always)

Girl do you remember that date back in 2003
I'm still holding out hope that you might get back to me
I sit home every night and wait by the phone
Nine years isn't so long to be all alone
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday, and Saturday, also Sunday
Those are the days I am free

Girl, I'm starting to think you're having reservations
Or maybe it's just that you lost my information
I'll be honest with you I've been just a bit depressed
I'm shaking, sweating, hyperventilating and stressed
And I don't have any refills left on my medication

Please I'm desperate for a second date
My numbers 646-2358
I told my mom, that you were the one
To find me, you must look, on Orkut or Facebook
Please make this sink in my Twitter's on LinkedIn

I've never been on a second date
Is this a dry spell or is this my fate?
I saw you last night, bathed in beautiful light
In your kitchen window, making dinner

I'm gonna take you on a second date
Once your DNA is replicated
I'll come in the back door, find some hair on the floor
And then I'll clone you, and we'll live, happily forevermore

I'm Gay for You Baby

Written By: Xave Ruth

Girl, I don't have the words to express
How I feel about you
You're... the best
That's all I got

I need a different way to make you see
I've got a word in mind and it starts with a G

I'm gay for you baby, you're the Jack to my Phil
I'm falling for you girl taking a big gay spill
I'm queer for you honey, we're a fabulous pair
Let's go hibernate, you'll be my cub and I'm your bear

I'm dreaming of a day when Michael Bay
Makes transformers homos
They'll turn into a truck and then they will f***
All in super slow-mo

You'll turn to me and say it's beautiful, isn't it
We'll watch as the world turns gayer by the minute

I'm gay for you babe, it's not contextual
I'll always be your homosexual
I'm queer for you honey, I'm your number one fag
Who needs a doe when we can both be the stag

People use gay as an insult, seems to be
Some kind of homophobic mission
But it used to have a different definition
Gay used to be an acronym for girl, aww yeah

I'm gay for you baby, you're the balls for my bat
Don't give me a straight answer, are you gay for me back
I'm queer for you honey, you're the Portia to my Ellen
Are you out of the closet, I am asking are you tellin'?

People say that you and I can't be in gay love, I dunno why
I guess it's 'cause our chromosomes are XX and XY
But you know what, I think that's real biologist


Xave Ruth (2012)

Set List

Our Love is a Metaphor
I'm Gonna Die (By My Own Hand)
Second Date
Ode to Bro
I'm Gay for You Baby
I've Been There, I Would Know
Sex These Days (It Ain't What it Used to Be)
My Ten-Speed Lady
A Hymn for Him
The Gopher